When Is The Right Time To Have Sex With A Guy For The First Time?

[Camila]

Curious...one question for you? Your opinion. When is the right time to have sex with a guy for the first time? Meaning I am after a long term life/ marriage partner here...not just sex for fun! Thanks!

[Nicolas]

Obviously this is a personal decision and not one that you should outsource... and as you have asked for opinion... and naturally I do have some very strong opinions on the subject.

First of all... it IS true that many men will judge a woman who agrees to have sex with him too early.... what "too early" means will be different for different men... and the basic premise of what is happening here is either,

A) He thinks that "good girls" do not have sex too early because of some religious or cultural belief that women that are too eager for sex are bad... wrong... immoral... lack self control... and are not marriage material... even though it is obviously no big deal if he F69K'S every girl on the block... and was equally involved in that "too early" episode with you.

B) He is deeply insecure about his ability to fully satisfy and keep a sexual partner from straying... and he avoids confronting this issue with his own self - esteem by blaming women... without realizing it... he is trying to select for a woman who does not like sex very much so that she will be less likely to be tempted away... he equates your "too early" episode in bed as indicative of your lack of self-control around other men in general that might try to steal you away.

By that line of reasoning a woman who really loves sex is great for a fling... and it is better to marry a woman who does not enjoy it too much.

So the question is...

Which of those men do you want to marry?

Guy A or Guy B?

The fact is... plenty of otherwise great men suffer from these insecurities... and while it is not your job to get him past his self-esteem issues... it is within your ability to help... being sensitive to these issues can open huge doorways to intimacy and trust that he has never experienced with other women.

I think that the really great men who have solid self esteem are willing to trust that the extreme chemistry and attraction you share is why you jumped into sex with him... and that it is no indication of your morality or your ability to remain faithful.... for that man, the idea that you would hold off from sex because of some silly game you are playing in order to "trick him into thinking" that you are not the kind of woman who wants sex... Ug... what a huge turn-off, and what a gigantic break in intimacy and trust.

Your sexual relationship in this scenario began as an inauthentic power- play to win the man... is that the foundation you want to build a marriage on?

So here is my opinion on the subject...

Be as authentic and as open and truthful as you dare.... if you are out with a man and feel like every cell in your body is trying to tell you that he is Mr. Right... while every neuron in your brain is saying... "do not make a dumb mistake!" then my solution is to tell him the truth.

Something like...

"Wow, I am really shocked by how much I want you right now. And I've got my head in a knot that you might be one of those guys who judges women who have strong sexual desire. I'm really making myself vulnerable right now by saying this out loud. Please tell me what you are thinking."

And then shut up and see what he says... what happens next will go a long way to informing you of who this man is... if he reassures you in a straight and masculine way... and you end up having sex... and then he never calls you back (which I find unlikely)... then that was good short cut for weeding out that snake!

You did not want to be with THAT man for sure!

Other men might say...

"You know, I really like you too, so I think we should wait."

And yet another man might say...

"You know, this is just a casual meet up for me. I'd love to make love to you tonight, and please understand that I don't see this progressing into a serious relationship."

And then the ball is in your court... I think you will be very pleasantly surprised by how many men will meet your level of authenticity and open communication when you make the courageous move and lead the way.

[Clay]

Well, here's the deal. The female mating system literally has the need to chase you! Women have something, that I call the Cat and Mouse game hard wired or built neurologically in them. And they can't help it! hahahaha...

Have you ever heard women say, "Men need a Challenge?" hehe... See, nothing and I mean nothing could be further from the truth. If a hot girl comes up to us and wants to have sex, we are not going to turn her down!

So what's really going on?

See, what women are doing is something we call in Psychology, "Projection". And women do it a lot and that's why men completely misunderstand women in every way! hahaha...

See, what's going on, is she is hard wired to look for a challenge and once she finds a challenge, she will lock on like a pit-bull and will never let go and will even, literally fight to the death to keep that challenge.

Have you ever seen 2 girls fight to the death over a guy? That's why? He was a massive challenge and the 2 girls will literally do anything to get him! And I mean anything!

So, do you want to learn how to get girls or women to do anything and I mean anything for you and to lock on to pleasing you like a Pit Bull locking on to a challenge? Even be willing to fight intensely for you and over you? hahaha...

Now here are some amazingly powerful secrets and tricks. And here's the funny thing. If you don't do these things, women will be bored with you and lose all respect for you. So, it's your choice. You can either be the guy that girls cook and clean for and make wild passionate, erotic and kinky sex with and will do whatever it takes to please you, or you can be that guy who's girl wouldn't even think of fighting over let alone doing anything for you; who's already looking for a better boyfriend who is a challenge, and is currently cheating on. Or you can Be That Guy all girls find to be a Challenge!

Well? Are you ready?

Be a Damn Challenge Already!

Ok, so what in the hell does that mean and how do I do that? hehe...

#1 Do not just give up sex to a girl.

A. She has to earn it. Yes, I am dead serious. She has to cook a meal or buy you gifts, give you a real massage, not some 5 minute stroke to get you turned on. NO!!! Screw that! Make her earn it. Yes, I am serious. Women innately do not respect men who are push overs or who will do anything for her to get sex or love or respect.

The truth! She must earn your respect. If she doesn't earn your Love, attention, sex, then she see's you as of low value. Get it?

Now I can hear all the low self esteem guys and social wimps whining and complaining right now. You think that if you are submissive to hear and buy her everything and do her bidding, she will suddenly love you and respect you and make wild passionate love to you! Well, I have 1 question for you? How well is that working for you? Well?

See, people with High Self Respect and who have boundaries and stand firm on those boundaries are the ones who get what they want out of life, including Love, Respect and sexual pleasure.

Now, I use to go to therapy and am highly involved in personal development. The reason I bring this up, is because every psychology class, teacher, therapist and personal development coach has a high focus on you having Healthy Boundaries and Self Respect.

So, is this a bad thing? Hell no! This is a very, very good thing and fortunately, it turns her on massively.

But, to guys who are use to playing the submissive role and buying her things and paying for stuff who don't get sex or that rich millionaires wife who left him for me, cry and whine and go out and get 2 jobs so they can buy a nicer car and pay for more expensive dinners and gifts until they work themselves to the bone only to find out she has no respect for him!

We call these guys suckers! And so do women!

So stop being a weak sucker and stand your ground. Yes, you deserve respect and love and admiration and yes, sex! So many men think that women are Gods or something and can't figure out why women don't have sex with them or Love them! You have to Love yourself and stand firm on your boundaries and stop giving in so damn easily, make her earn it and prove to you that she deserves it!

When she comes over, ask her to pick you up something from the store. Ask her to massage your feet or back. Ask her to rent a Movie. Ask her to cook dinner for you. Or ask her to make a picnic and choose a spot to have lunch. She loves this.

Yeah, I can hear some of you already. You think this is wrong or bad. Wrong! Let me ask you a question. Do you do nice things for her? Does she ask you to pick up things on the way over to her place? Does she ask for massages and other things? What? You say yes? Well then what in the hell is wrong with her also doing nice things for you too? Well?

See, our society has raised women to expect men to do for them and men to just give and give and give and expect nothing in return! First of all women don't respect this on a deep level and will lose attraction quickly. Another thing that wills shock most men is that when you first meet a girl, she usually will want to cook, clean and do things for you, but what do most modern men do.

They take way her joy! Yes, he will say things like, "Oh sweetie, you don't have to do that for me." Or, "Don't worry, I will do the dishes later, you dont' have to do that for me." So what did you just do? You literally took away her joy, her pride to do for her man! You told her that you are not worthy and are a lower male who doesn't deserve good things. Thus she gets sad inside because the man who she was proud of and wanted to look up to suddenly lowered himself in her eyes. Now she can't show of her prize, her King, her Man to her girlfriends and sisters.

B. Now this one is huge, massive, extremely-dangerously powerful!

If you really like this girl and you are on your first date with her and possibly see her as a long term relationship, do not have sex! Yes, that's right. See, if you have sex with her, she will lose all respect for you and suddenly lose all sexual or personal interest in you!

Now why is this? Well, what did I say above?

"WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR A CHALLENGE."

So damn it, show her that you are worth it. Show her that you are not easy and not desperate! See, a guy who has dated a lot of women and can literally meet a new girl and lead her successfully into the bedroom for sex on a daily or at least weekly basis, suddenly doesn't rush into having sex with a total stranger.

I'll tell you why. Because over time, he has met his fair share of psycho women who are controlling or demanding or who flat out don't respect him. And the kind of guy who has self respect doesn't let women do this to him. So, he has learned there are a lot of games some women play. And if he has a lot of choice with women, he would never in a million years suddenly jump into bed with a girl who he doesn't know.

Again, this is her "Projecting" her thoughts onto you! hahaha... Get it. See, this is the way that women think, not men!

See, by not having sex with her on the very first date or the first time you get her into an intimate situation, ie home alone at night, you are literally saying, "I don't know you and you might be a pain in the ass or a bitch or a psycho or someone who is out for themselves and I am looking for a girl who values me.

C. Now this one is just as powerful as the one before.

So lets say you have gone on a date or 3 dates with her and maybe the 4th or 5th date, you do have sex. Ok, fine. Now what?

Now the next time you go out, bring your buddies and friends and literally enjoy everyone's company. Don't totally focus solely on her and make her the center of attention, because that shows that you don't have a life and are lucky to have finally caught a girl let alone a quality girl. Get it, if you do this, it shows her you are of low value and can't get other girls. And trust me, nothing is more of a sexual turn off than a guy going on and on and on about how Beautiful she is and paying for things, etc. etc.

Yeah, I know, you were just trying to honor her and show her how much you like her. Well my friend, if you were dealing with a guy, this would work magnificently, but unfortunately we are dealing with the female brain and the female mating system and it works much, much differently!

So, what you do is, go out, have a great time, bring her home and bring 1 or 2 or a group of your friends and hang out, watch a movie, etc. etc. Have fun with the group.

And then when everyone goes home, "DON'T Have sex with her! hahahahah.. This will massively, massively make her want to earn your sex and love you! Dont' even make out with her.

What will drive her even more crazy, is go to bed and if she joins you, don't' have sex, nothing! hahahaha....

See, she is so used to guys chasing her and that is a major turn off! And now all of a sudden, you are barely showing any interest in her. This will shock her system and make her prove to you that she is worth it! That she is of high value and damn it, she is going to lock on like a Pit Bull and cook and clean and massage you and chase off all hte other girls and when you do finally have sex, she will do whatever it takes to show you that she is good in bed! hehehe... see, I told you this stuff was tricky! hahahaha...

D. Now after you have dated her for a few weeks and maybe had sex 2 times, continue to deny her sex...

E.. Now this one will shock the shit out of you. Now in the first month of dating, go out to clubs or invite friends over or out to clubs with you. Now remember, some of these friends are other females who are highly interested in you because you have read this blog before and have also denied them sex.

You bring these 2 or 3 girls all together at a club or your house party aor your friends and watch the sparks fly! hahahahahaha...

Now here's the deal. What you are showing her is that you have choice. And a man who has his choice of females is the guy who she wants to keep, marry and hold onto forever! Now this is what makes a marriage and relationship last and keeps her happy because she has captured her Hero, her Knight in Shining Armor.

[Lily]

Understanding what it means when a man is distant after sex isn't nearly as complicated as you may think. Some women automatically assume it means that he's withdrawing because he's so overcome with emotion. That's not the case at all. Typically if a man starts to pull back after you two have slept together it's because he's questioning the timing. If you two just started dating and you were already intimate, that may impress him in the moment, but afterwards it won't. As soon as it's over he'll start wondering whether your willingness to share yourself so openly is something you regularly do.

Men don't want to feel as though the women they are with are promiscuous. They don't ever want to wonder whether you've slept with other men as soon in your relationship with them. If you did it with him, he's going to assume you've done it with other men too.

Obviously you can't go back and undo the intimacy. That line has been crossed already. If this man is someone you believe you want to build a relationship with, you have to get to work changing his image of you.

To begin with it means no more sex until you've established a new dynamic with him. You're going to take a step backwards and date the man. Since he's become distant, don't count on him asking you out again. He may but chances are that he's doing it because he wants to be intimate, and little more. You have to set the new guidelines for the relationship. Meet him at your date destination instead of him picking you up. Don't go back to his place for now. Just steer clear of any situations that would put you in a position of him expecting you to have sex.

If you can do this for a few weeks, and get to know him on a basic level, the rushed intimacy will become a thing of the past. Work on establishing a real emotional connection with him and the fact that you slept with him so soon won't seem so unflattering anymore.

[Camila]

Great advice from you all, thank you!