He Said We Are Not Compatible Since We Started To Date

[Camila]

I've been in my relationship for 2 years, he said we are not compatible since we started to date, once I talk to him about small things he just say we not compatible, but he don't want to stay away, I told him I'm ready to let go although I'm so much in love with him, he said he want and don't want to, I don't know what to do anymore.

[Clinton]

First of all Camila....I have to say this...

You have got to do what is right for you and not what is right for him.

Now you say you have been in a relationship for two years Helen and the guy is saying your not compatible.

And yet he is more and likely having sex with you and sharing all the benefits of you.

May I say something straight to you lady...WAKE UP...Do not let love blind you to the REALITY of your situation.

This guy is playing you along, giving you just enough to keep you hanging there.

When really he is Mr unavailable and is not going to make a commitment to you.

Two years is a long time to keep on saying your not compatible.

You have two choices.......

1) Tell this guy to either commit to be in a relationship with you or ship out.

2) You make the choice to let him go.

Other wise you will continue going along with things as there and you not knowing where you stand.

Do you want that for the rest of your life?

How much do you "value" yourself as a woman here?

Let me know how you get on Helen.

[Anthony]

Opposites do attract and opposites can remain very happily married, but it can take work to ensure that this happens. My boyfriend and I are polar opposites and we have had our struggles - so much so that we separated for a while. But, I finally got serious about dealing with them and decided that I wasn't going to let that conflict destroy our marriage. Below, I'll outline some suggestions about how to best deal with this.

If He Can't See A Future With You, Then The Best Bet Is To Focus On The Here And Now: I know how badly it hurts to hear your boyfriend say that the future is uncertain. But, if you think about it, no one has any guarantees about their future or about their marriage. We all live with a degree of uncertainty every day. And frankly, you can influence the outcome of the future depending on how you conduct yourself in the present.

It's important to not become so distracted with fear about tomorrow that you do not deal with the realities of today. So I would suggest that the wife take things day by day without panicking about next week. The first course of action is to deal with the immediate future. I couldn't tell how serious the boyfriend was about moving out. He could have intended to pack his bags that night, or he might have been merely trying to get a reaction out of the wife in the hopes that she backed off on the stress level so that he didn't feel so pressured.

A suggested script would be something like: "it hurts me to hear you say this, but I agree that our marriage is under a lot of pressure right now and this is no one's fault. We're living under very difficult circumstances. But I think that if we work together, we can make the best of them. And yes, we have different personalities. But in the beginning of our marriage and before these difficulties surfaced, our differences enhanced our marriage. I believe that this can happen again if we can manage the stress. Can you work with me to make that happen? I am committed to adjusting my attitude so that you're not feelings so pressured. But I need for you to make me feel heard. Can we agree to this?"

Improving Your Present So That He Can Begin To See His Future With You Again: I had no way to predict how the boyfriend would proceed in the coming days. But no matter which course of action he took, the wife should focus on trying to drastically tone down the stress level. The whole idea is to back off and to lighten up so that you can begin to have fun together again. I know that this can be a challenge when money is tight and tensions are high. But a walk in the park costs nothing. A board game with laughter and kidding around is absolutely free.

You want to show your boyfriend that you can coexist quite happily and playfully even with your differences. And the idea is that you eventually it's clear that your spouse is your rock who always has your back rather than yet another cause of stress. Frankly in hard times, you spouse should be your biggest ally. This wasn't the case in this marriage right now. But if the wife played her cards right, it could become this way eventually. And once the boyfriend began to see some drastic improvement, he would likely begin to envision a promising future once again.

[Camila]

Great advice from you both, thank you!