Could Masturbation Be Hurting My Chances for a Relationship?

[Caroline]

Do you think it's unusual or unhealthy for a 30 year old woman to masturbate or feel the need to orgasm 3 - 4 times a day?
Could I be hurting my chances for a relationship because I choose to satisfy my increasingly intense sex drive myself?

[Sammy]

Hi Caroline,

I've got good news and bad news for you (and honestly I can't even tell which is which.)

So the "news" I have for you is that you now know more or less what it's like to be a 16 year old boy.

I remember being a 16 year old boy myself and it was AWFUL. You'd be sitting there in Calculous class trying to focus on differential equations when suddenly you'd catch a peek at the curve of Sarah Martin's breast out of the corner of your eye and would hear a THUD as a sudden and TERRIBLE erection impacted the bottom of your desk . . .

And then the bell would ring and you'd pray as hard as you could for that TERRIBLE erection to go away so you could walk to History class without anyone noticing that your pants suddenly resembled a lean to . . .

OK, more seriously . . . (kind of.)

There's nothing "wrong" with you or really even that unusual about your situation at all.

40, like a lot of women, you're currently hitting your erotic and sexual prime and the next decade or so is going to be a fertile field for you to have the best sex of your life.

The BAD news, of course, is that right as your libido is taking off like a space shuttle the libidos of most men your age are starting to sink like hot air ballons that have run out of gas.

Not all guys though, some men get BETTER with age!

So finding a guy who can "keep up" with you is going to be REALLY tough.Unless you hit upon one of those men who have grown more fiesty.

Now on to the second part of your question:

Are you ruining your chances of having a real relationship by taking care of your own "needs" three or four times a day . . .

And my answer to that one is really simple:

No.

Listen: EXCESSIVE masturbation can be a problem (just like excessive pornography, excessive donuts or excessive crocheting) . . .But there's nothing at all wrong with taking your needs "in hand" to get you through the day so you can focus on your job or your kids instead of imagining what the hunky plumber would look like in a mankini or clenching your thighs together so hard you make a diamond.

(I've got a high sex drive myself and when I was working at a "real job" I used to have to sneak off to the bathroom a couple times a day too.)

The big thing you're going to have to deal with when you find a living, breathing guy you want to get sexual with is taking care of his FRAGILE MALE SEXUAL EGO.

Most guys have very little confidence in their sexual skills, have almost no understanding of women's sexuality (I run into guys all the time who have no idea that women actually LIKE sex) and some guys can be more than a little intimidated by a woman with a real libido.

The way to handle that is to . . .

A. Only date awesome men who see your sexuality as a HUGE bonus instead of something to be scared of.

B. Be honest and unashamed of your sex drive with guys (once you get to that point) and be willing to give him directions on what you need to be really satisfied.

[Caroline]

Sammy, thank you for helping me out.

[The Masterpiece]

No, it is not unhealthy to satisfy your own urges, buying 3 to 4 hookers a day is unhealthy.