What Should I Say?

[bing]

Hi. I'm Bing, 17 years old. I'm turning 18 this August 19. There's this guy whom I liked since 7th grade (I'm currently on 12th grade) I really like him to the point that I was not entartaining anyone because he has my heart. Finally on 10th grade, God answered my prayer and He gave him to me. He was courting me for a long time. 1 year and 10 months to be exact. I know I love him but I can't answer him yet. Not yet. Because my dad is strict and he told me to wait till I get 18 years old before he'll allow me to have a boyfriend. And now that I'm almost there, only 13 days till I get 18 y.o., we unfortunately had a situation. There was a time where we fight almost everyday. Negative and hurtful words were said. He came to the point wherein he got tired and he told me he still loves me but he doesn't know anymore. He asked for time and space. He told me to wait because he'll be back and we will start again.. Yes, I believe him. Even if there is no assurance that he'll be back, i believed he will... But the thing is, as time passes by, I have a strong feeling that he's talking to someone new. I stalked the girl and all of her tweets somehow matched (or i'm just overthinking?) but that's actually not my problem. At first I was devastated. It's been almost two weeks since we last talked and I've been crying my eyeballs out. But I'm improving. Little by little I've learned to understand that I can live all thru this. I've learned to accept the fact that he has someone new (tho i'm not yet sure, i already considered this for me to easily go on with my life because somehow, the thought that he played me helps me to move on... i mean come on.. he left me his words that he'll come back but now he has someone new... was it that easy for him to forget everything?????) (tho i'm not yet sure....)

My debut is only 13 days from now.. He is invited. We talked about this before we officially cut our connection. He is my last dance. He told me it's fine for him.. I just want to ask, what will I say if ever he told me he realized that he doesn't love me anymore and that he's with someone new? I honestly want him back and I know how I will react and the things I will say will affect his feelings when we meet on my birthday.. Is it okay to tell him I'm letting him go? That I'm letting go of my 6 years of love for him? Or is it okay to tell him I'm still waiting? Will that help get him back to me?

[Dennis]

If there were misunderstandings that can be cleared up you have a good chance of getting your boyfriend back if you know how to go about it. Here are several things you can do, and some you shouldn't.

Let Things Cool Off

If your breakup was very recent, you both need a little time to let your emotions settle down before you attempt to jump back in to set things straight. This advice does not apply to every situation though. For example, if you just had an argument that was silly and trivial and you both let things heat up way too fast and just stormed off, you probably aren't really broken up. You are probably just mad. These situations can usually be handled without too much delay. You were both mad, you aren't now and when you have both cooled down you should be able to get back on track. However, if your breakup was caused by a series of problems, you will need some to time to not only cool off, but also time to identify the areas of your relationship that can be fixed. Another reason to allow some time is because you don't want to seem desperate and if you do intend to go back to patch things up you want to be taken seriously.

Stay off the Phone

Along with waiting a reasonable amount of time, you need to get some separation. Don't start calling right away, texting, emailing or confronting him. The idea of creating some distance and time separation includes all forms of communication until you are ready to start trying to patch up your relationship.

Get Up and Get Busy

You need to get up and out and about. First of all, it is good for your morale. Second, you want him and his friends to see that your life didn't stop just because you two broke up. No matter how much you hurt inside you'll be doing yourself a favor and increasing your chances of getting him back if you don't sit around and stew on things.

Keep a Lid on It

One of the natural things we all are tempted to do is to talk to anyone who will listen and trash our ex. Don't do it. Even if you are in the right don't expect the rumor mill to be an accurate way to telegraph your complaints so that they get back to your ex in any way that resembles your original comments. He'll probably end up hearing things you supposedly said that will just further distort the problems you already have.

Revenge is Not Sweet

Contrary to what some of your friends will probably tell you, don't try to get back at him. If you date another guy to get back at him or try any dirty tricks they are likely to backfire on you. First of all they won't help you get your ex back and second it shows other potential guys that you should be avoided lest they end up on the same end of an ugly stick if they get involved with you. You don't want a reputation as a vengeful or spiteful person. It is bad for your image and bad for your future prospects with guys.

Take the First Step

If you can honestly say to yourself, "I want my boyfriend back", then you may need to make the first move. It should be subtle. You want to test the waters. Maybe a simple request to meet for coffee to talk things over. Make it non-threatening and show that you are sincere. You will have to decide how long you should wait until you make your move, because it depends upon the personality of your ex and how serious the break-up was.

Not every relationship should be saved, and even some that should be can't be because of damages done that either caused the breakup or happened during or right after the breakup. But, it you want your boyfriend back, follow these guidelines and you may find that you can work things out for the better. All relationships go through troubled times and you certainly won't be the first or the last woman who wants to get their boyfriend back.

[Kate]

One of the most effective things to say to get your boyfriend back is that you're sorry. We all know that relationships work and don't work because of a combined effort or lack of effort on the part of the two people. If your boyfriend dumped you it's tempting to point the finger of blame for the failed relationship right at him. Don't do that. You need to face the fact that if you were everything he wanted or needed, he wouldn't have dumped you. That's why it's so essential that you apologize to him. By doing that you're showing him that you're mature enough to accept blame for your own actions. Don't launch into a long and drawn out monologue about what you did wrong and how you promise to be different in the future. You're just going to say you're sorry and leave it at that. Short, sweet and simple is your goal here.

Telling him that you're fine with the break up is another of the things to say to get your boyfriend back. Now, you may think that you can't possibly say this if you're not okay with it, right? You need to though. You need to realize that for now, he's not interested in being your boyfriend. You have to show him that you're fine with that and you need to do it with a smile on your face and no tears in your eyes. Rejecting your ex boyfriend may seem useless at this point since he's already rejected you. It's instrumental in getting him back though. This is where men differ from women. Men don't want to be rejected by any woman, including an ex. When they are, they view her as a challenge and she becomes irresistible. That's why you need to find the strength inside to tell him that you're okay with the break up. Once you do, act like you are and give him some time. He'll come back simply because he'll want to make you his again since you no longer want him.