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So I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months. We really do love each other very much but lately, we have been arguing a lot. Let me jump back to the beginning though...when I first met my bf I had just lost my job. I'm a nurse and I am also diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression so I have used marijuana off and on to self medicate rather than taking medication (my former job didnt do randoms). I find medication to either be addictive or have shitty side effects so weed helps me a lot to sleep and relax etc. Mind you I have never gone to work high and I lost my job due to totally unrelated circumstances. I told my boyfriend when we first started dating too that im really falling for him but at the same time I'm going through some things personally and financially and that now is probably not a good time for me to date anyone until I get my shit together. Well he wasn't trying to hear me, he showered me with gifts, insisted on paying some of my bills, and has pretty much been supporting me for the last two months while I try to find another job. It has been very hard for me to stop smoking weed but up until this weekend I had been clean for two weeks and was going to start sending out resumes since I would be able to pass a drug test soon. Well this past friday we celebrated his friends birthday at my bfs house and drank a lot and I ending up smoking with his friend who is a weed dealer. Mind you, I asked my bf to keep this particular friend away from me for awhile until I'm more able to resist urges.This is not a good friend of his either, hes more of a party friend and someone that he has actually had issues with off and on. Anyways, I've been really down and out since I "relapsed" and of course I can't help but be a little irritated that my boyfriend had this friend over knowing this could possibly happen. We got in a big argument about this and he says I'm the one at fault, not him. I do take personal responsibility for my actions but at the same time, he isn't helping. My friends and roommate don't smoke weed so I'm not exposed to it otherwise. He also recently told me a few days before this that he's taking a hit financially paying for everything and that I have to get a job soon. I don't feel resentful of this statement bc I do want to work, I've always held down a job and been very independent, but I'm more resentful because I feel like he has enabled me the past few months and then when I finally start to get back on track and stop smoking he exposes me to people I shouldn't be around. I am so disappointed and mad at myself for not being the independent person that I usually am. We haven't even been together long but a part of me feels like I'm already starting to lose myself in this relationship. I really do love him, but a part of me feels like hes codependent or maybe we both are. Any advice? As much as I love him, I'm not happy with our relationship because I'm not happy with myself.
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