Breaking up with boyfriend of 7 years?

[Luxy365]

Warning: this will be long.

i got with my bf aged 18, him 23. We've been together for 7 years. 2 years ago our relationship started to go sour and I found out he was cheating on me with a woman for up to one year. After huge discussions I forgave him. However during our relationship there have been many red flags: he can't control his finances and relies on me a lot. Most months he asks for money to pay for bills or rent, ranging from £50 to £250 and a few times about £1000+ !!i have been naive for 7 years straight as I loved him so much and believed I was helping.

he has moved abroad for work in february 2017. I live in the U.K. And he now lives in Boston in the US. He wants me to come live there with him as he will be there for at least one more year and is being very lovey time saying he misses me and hopes I do too. The only issue is, since he has been away I have truly had time to reflect on our relationship. Add to this, another man has walked into my life who I didn't expect. I enjoy talking to him and I'm finding myself starting to fall for him.

i don't know what to do because I don't know if it's the distance that is making me feel less and less for my partner. On paper he is being a good boyfriend but in the past he cheated on me and this time last year didn't want our relationship to continue however I did. Whereas now I think he really wants our relationship to work and I am the one unsure.

[Gloria]

From all you have said, it's obvious that the long distance is making you lose interest in your boyfriend. Your feelings for him is fading away by the day, since you really can't see him anymore.

I will advice you move on with your life, especially now that you aren't comfortable being with him after all he has done in the past.

[Roy]

Love is difficult to find - so if you find someone that loves you, keep them and never let them go. It's true that he cheated on you in the past, but he loves you and shows his affection for you daily. The new man in your life is someone that you really don't know, he just might be worst than your boyfriend.

Keep your relationship and don't let anything cause asunder.

[Tina]

When one partner is forced to move away with their job, neither partner has any real idea how to make a long distance relationship work. Perhaps they begin by declaring undying love and promising to speak every day on the phone or telling each other that distance is no object. But if you've ever been in a long distance relationship, you will know it's not quite that simple.

Nobody is fully prepared for the loneliness and longing that comes as part of the long distance relationship package and no matter how much we think that we know our partner, the truth is that we don't know exactly how they are going to deal with the emotions engendered by enforced separation.

Despite our best intentions, the imagination tends to run wild. We picture our significant other partying into the early hours (obviously with at least one member of the opposite sex!) If we don't hear from them at an appointed time or we can't get hold of them when we really feel the need to talk, then they must surely have been kidnapped by a work colleague or being held to ransom by the cleaning lady!

But seriously, how to make a long distance relationship work is a question that there really is no easy answer to; but before you nod your head sagely and get on the phone to end it all, you should consider the most important question of all: Do you love them?

If your answer to that question is yes, then your long distance relationship really can work out - just like any other relationship. You just have to be committed to each other and understand one thing:

Communication is vital.

It is the lifeblood of your relationship. Of course, you might say that this is the case in any relationship and you'd be absolutely right. But in a long distance relationship, a huge part of that communication is missing, and that's body language. We rely heavily on being able to see a person to gauge how they really feel. Their eyes, their posture, their mannerisms all speak volumes.

So, being unable to see that other person can cause you to agonize for hours over every phrase and every nuance of the conversation, wondering if things really are OK between you both.

Communication really is vital, but it goes beyond that. You can't assume that your lover will be able to read your mind (of course it would be easier if they could!) If you have a problem, you really do need to speak about it, preferably in a non aggressive and non confrontational way; but for goodness sake, get it off your chest. Be open and honest with each other. If you can't speak one evening because you've been invited out with friends, don't lie about it - tell your partner and then afterward regale them with all the juicy details.

The key to how to make a long distance relationship work is to keep each other up to speed about everything you are doing - nothing is too small to share, even if it's just a short text. So many little things can happen during the course of a day that perhaps we wouldn't even think about sharing with someone we were going home to that evening, but when you're hundreds or thousands of miles apart, it's the little things that will help you feel connected to each other.

If you really don't know how to make a long distance relationship work; if you're struggling to connect with your partner or really say how you feel, then seeking help from an independent outside source can very often help you to put back the ingredients that are missing and teach you to open up to each other in a myriad of ways that will ensure your long distance relationship goes from strength to strength and stays fresh and exciting, not just for the next few months but for the long term.