She Won't Let Me Know How She Feels About Our Relationship

[Marc]

Thank you all. So I met someone online last year, we talked for three months before we met face to face, and when we did meet we took it at a slow pace.
I was introduced to family, went on holidays etc.
We had the same goals in life and morals, it was like finding the one..
Sadly she fell ill with Pneumonia, so I was there taking care of her.
She went on family holiday for three weeks and I knew that there would not be much communication during that time..

She comes back and I give her a few days to get over her jet lag and all that.. I try make arrangements to see her again and she just wants to get back on track..
I tell her no worries.. Her replies are few and far between and just seem cold..
How the hell can someone you been dating for a year say out of the blue " My phone was not set up correctly last time, so im gonna redo it. If your number is forgotten I might not answer " ???

I chose not to think much of it at that point and said well I shall let you know its me.. My gut was telling me she was going to Ghost me or testing me.
I gave her space and called her, we talked and she says she has fallen ill with Bronchitis and that she wants to study abroad for the next six month after Christmas.
I say im in no position to stand in the way of her dreams and I will support them no matter how hard it may be.. Call ends and I get a text saying it was nice to hear my voice..

I was getting more confused.. How nice must it be if you fall of the planet for weeks on end and don't want to make plans for when you feel better?? So I tell her through text a few days later after her not answering a phone call. " I was hoping to hear from her and since I haven't, I am gonna guess she doesn't want to and that is fine. If im wrong and misunderstanding please let me know. I will say how ever I do not like being treated like a doormat. So if you can just be honest with me and tell me whats really going on here I would be thankful. I do not hold a grudge and I will leave if that's what you want. Give me a call and let's talk about this. If I don't hear from you, I get the message :*

So I have not heard from her. Nothing. For an ill woman she sure has a lot of energy to go out drinking and having parties.. Even her entire look has changed.. Suddenly she decides out of the blue she doesn't want kids cause they are all ugly etc.. I see all the red flags but im just trying to figure out if this is another bullshit test a man is always put through.. No offense to the ladies.. I get why you do it.. I am not a jealous type at all. I have my own hobbies just like everyone else. I just love this woman to death and I keep a fine balance between independence and quality time together. I don't demand much but mutual respect and communication. Heck I even like a good argument, nothing violent but how the hell am I to go further if one is passive aggressive and wont stand up and say " Oy you prick of a man, I need you to show me more attention!! " I am no mind reader and I dont know what every one wants unless they speak up..

Sorry for the long story.. There is so much more but I shall start with this.

[Sammy]

If your girlfriend is currently not talking to you, then you may feel a level of confusion or even desperation about your predicament. The way in which you approach her about avoiding you and what you say at this point will make all the difference between smoothing things over or making things worse. More importantly, what you say is not even as critical as the method in which you relay your message to her.

"What have I done wrong? Why is my girl not talking to me?" If you are asking yourself questions like this, then fixing the problem is already going to take more than a simple apology, as you might have already guessed. After all, apparently you don't even know what you may have done to upset your girlfriend, therefore you don't know what to apologize for. You could try giving her a generic "I'm sorry." Chances are, however, something like that simply isn't going to cut it. Besides, apologizing repeatedly for anything and everything often shows your girlfriend that you are desperate, and it will do little to resolve your differences anyway.

Since you don't necessarily know the right thing to say to your girlfriend in order to get her talking to you again, your focus should be on how to get the most impact out of whatever you do say. How can you make the biggest impact on your girlfriend's emotions? How do you ensure she reads or hears your message? Put simply, you'll want to use an atypical means of communication altogether. Let me explain.

There is a concept in advertising that is commonly referred to as "ad blindness." Essentially, what the concept means is that a person sometimes mentally "blocks" out an advertisement after having seen that same ad over and over again. Most advertisers understand this concept, so they change the details of their advertisement accordingly. They'll use different colors, different text, or even change the advertising medium completely from time to time.

Let's think about communication between you and your girlfriend in the same manner for a second. If your girlfriend is used to seeing texts or your number showing up on her caller ID, then she may be mentally "blocking" you out in much the same way that an individual would "block" an advert that has been seen repeatedly over time. The question then is how can you avoid this "ad blindness" concept in your communication with her?

Living in the digital age that we do, you most likely communicate most often with your girlfriend through text messages, phone calls, and e-mail. Any typical form of communication is one that you'll want to avoid, of course. Instead, I would suggest that you try a hand-written letter. Mailing a letter written in your own handwriting works well for two reasons. The most obvious reason is how little that form of communication is used in this day and age. Since it will likely be unusual to your girlfriend, it will demand more of her attention. The second reason is that a hand-written letter generally takes more time and thought, showing her that what you have to say is that much more important.

Again, figuring out the right words to get your girlfriend to talk when she's avoiding contact with you can be difficult. So, be sure that when you find the right words, you use the right method of delivery to ensure that your message gets your girlfriend's undivided attention.

[Malvin]

It's very obvious that if your girlfriend keeps ignoring you, she wants to be alone. And you have to give her what she wants. No, stop there - of course I don't mean "give up on her and find somebody else." No, don't worry, you'll be back in the relationship with her in no time. However, in order to accomplish this, you first need to give her what she needs. If you think about it calmly, you will understand that this will definitely work to your favor, for two reasons:

1. She will appreciate the fact that you are respecting her needs.
2. You will be giving her a chance to miss you.

Longing is the most powerful of feelings. If she is tired of you, this is the opposite of "missing" you. If you keep on trying to contact her, the "missing" can never be initiated. If your girlfriend is ignoring you, leave her alone for a time. Even better, use that time to focus upon yourself and get rid of the things she doesn't like about you. Improve yourself and the next time you face her, you'll be better than your old self, and she will be missing you like hell - so it's a win-win on all accounts.

[Marc]

I appreciate all the feedback here guys. I do agree with a lot of things said here. This was pretty much how I introduced myself to her.
Just wanna give a bit insight to my own way of thinking and would like to know your opinion on it. Then I shall continue on my journey working on the house etc.

I know fine well its obvious that she wants to be alone if she is ignoring me. Never have I asked in a text " why dont you answer me? "
I would say " if you need to vent im all ears " and leave it at that..

I am in no way a needy person. I was single 4 years straight before we met and I had no problem with it.
Could still live my life alone and be happy. I don't need anything.. I want and yes I know I can't always have it.
That's where I say well " say so if that's the case ".... If she can't do that, then surely she never cared in the first place right?

I could say sorry to her even though I don't even know what i'm saying sorry for but.. Why should I??
Its pointless if im gonna be deemed as needy, insecure which I most likely will in such case..
Just like if I demand answers I would be deemed as an A****e

The thing that gets to me is when people " opens " up to each other about their morals, their goals
and all that. Says they understand and agrees with everything you say about your own. Only to later turn 180 degrees and be the complete opposite.

Sure every one has their rights to their secrets as long as it does not involve hurting someone.
Yes opinions are always subject to change, even my own but.

Basic morals and how you define yourself as a person, your dreams, your goals " even though they sometimes fail ". That is usually never something one just changes..
Ofc course that is just my opinion and It could be wrong.. Sadly I will never know if i'm not introduced into their way of thinking.

That's basically what i'm seeking with my girlfriend and any other relationship. That was the whole basis of why we got into a relationship in the first place..
We were on the same page with pretty much everything. Not so much any more. She might have felt sorry for me that I had not been with anyone for 4 years and all that..
I was not looking for sympathy in that case and I made it clear.. Dont pretend to want to persue a relationship with me and dont run away when the going gets tough..
To me, she is the one running away, she is the one not telling me what she wants. She expects me to read her mind..


When it comes to not knowing the right thing to say.. Well I can't pretend to be something am not. It will bite me in the ass anyway.
Plus I will always be judged by people no matter how good or bad I may be. So I say what's on my mind and then,
it should be up to the person to tell me that its not like that and explain why.
If I or they don't agree..
Well isn't that why we have such thing as compromise??. The long lost ability to work as a team and reach understanding.

I don't understand the sms world and emojis. I never will unless someone who does, shows me what its all about.. Same goes with unsaid things in relationships..
I don't want to give up on people but I will, if there is an issue that needs to be talked about and never is because one is afraid of a little confrontation.
That's not too much to ask, nor too desperate, needy, clingy, careless, heartless.. It's a balance between both right?

[Malvin]

I can see you are a MAN with principles. Well, I quite agree with all you have said.

I wish you the best.