How To Deal With A Cheating Boyfriend That You Love

[Designermom]

Hi everyone. I'm having kind of a tough time at the moment. I was married 27 years turn emotionally abusive man who did not touch me for 15 years. I did not leave because of children and because I just thought I needed to be a better wife . I knew I didn't need to get back out because I was an emotional and depressed wreck so I spent time in counseling and trying to get myself back on track. I met a guy on a dating site he didn't text he just called me right up and although he was not very educated, didn't have a great job or a great place to live he was funny and when we did go out he adored me. He treated me like I've never been treated before and showered me with attention. He lived almost 3 hours away however so it was a struggle. The last time I went to see him he talked about a girl that his brother dated when he was about nine years old and she was 16. Remembers watching her through his bedroom window at their swimming pool but he found out that she had taken a job A hostess at a restaurant. He ended up taking me there and talking to her and before I knew it two days later they were together. He apologize profusely and said he never thought that he would do this to me. My problem is I am devastated once again by betrayal and cannot get him off my mind. I should be angry and more than done with him but the attention he gave me I craved so badly that I probably would have stayed with him even though he has very little to offer because he has just floating through life. I know I should be able to move on but I am so stuck and depressed. Yes I have creeped on their Facebook page and they look totally in love with each other. Any advice would be welcome

[Jerome]

I think you should just move on, he isn't worth your been depressed and down-trodden. You will be doing yourself more harm than good if you keep wishing he will come back to you. Even if he comes back, I won't advice you continue with this guy. If he can do that now, he is capable of doing it again in the future.

[Gloria]

It's very sad, and it's very true. It's crazy! And maybe it's happened to you. Men can claim that they love you, and still place all that they claim to cherish at total risk.

True, there's a lot of comfort in hearing from your man, "I love you like nothing else in this world"...It's like a thick warm fur blanket wrapped around your soul, telling you everything is fine. But maybe your eyes and your intuition are telling you something else. Telling you to worry that maybe it's colder than you think.

It gnaws away at you, if you're one of these frustrated and bewildered women, sensing your relationship is in crisis and you don't know why.

It's a question I've been asked as much as any other: "He says he loves me, but if he's cheating, he must be lying, right?" Because it can't POSSIBLY be both ways, right?

Wrong.

And this is a really bizarre thing about men that you need to know:

A man can actually love you AND cheat on you at the same time.

This may seem ridiculous and hard to believe. But it gets even weirder than that! I've studied, read countless books and listened to the stories of cheaters for years. After all that, a really interesting pattern became apparent to me, and it's a common thread when cheaters still love their wives...And it's this:

Your man could actually think he's SAVING his marriage by not being faithful to it.

How in the world does this possibly happen? And what does it mean? To answer that, let's take another quick peak inside the mind of a man.

And let's start with basics...this amazing scenario can begin innocently when a man decides some worthwhile thing he's done warrants a reward. That's right, he decides to give himself a little present.

But how does he decide what he wants, and how does he to give himself PERMISSION to go get it?

You're probably wondering what all this has to do with YOU. Well, it's possible is has NOTHING to do with you. It's about HIM, his mental and emotional state, and the story he tells himself about his life, and what it's missing. Quite simply, he CRAVES.

Ever craved something? Ever had a hard day at work, and on the way home your car turned itself into the parking lot of a coffee shop, ice cream parlor or chocolatier? That's a simple example of what I'm talking about, and there's nothing more human than craving. But have you ever stopped to wonder where does craving come from?

The thing is, most men work HARD, and they take what they do VERY seriously. Not surprisingly, they want other people to notice this, admire it, and appreciate it. This goes especially for those they are in a romantic, intimate relationship with. I guess you could say, the closer you are to him, the more he's looking for that gratitude.

But there's much more to this: For example, most men, deep, deep down, are deathly afraid of their lives passing them by. Let's face it, most of us guys are never going to regain the looks, energy and fitness we had when we were 23 or so. And we can feel the downward pull of the years as time passes, and can begin to wonder what happened to the old dreams. But before you start feeling sorry for us guys, realize that we bring this on ourselves.

You see, a typical woman is much more likely to confront the difficult things in her life, to make difficult choices and move on. In contrast, a typical man is FAR more likely to get himself STUCK.

So now we're getting to some nuts and bolts. If you are worried about your man cheating on you, but you think he still loves you, there are two very, VERY key questions you need to think about:

#1: Does you man feel appreciated for what he does?

and #2: Does he feel ENTERTAINED AND INTRIGUED by his life, and where it's heading?

These answers to these two questions contain a wealth of knowledge that can help you understand what could possible motivate a man to risk so much. Also, it's worth it to stop for a moment, and notice how neither of these questions have ANYTHING to do with his feelings for you. They have much more to do with what your man needs to do to fulfill his perceived needs.

If the answer to both of the questions above is NO, then whether conscious or subconscious, your man will eventually give himself permission to "sneak off" in whatever direction gets him what he craves.

Men do this. In many cases, it can be harmless. In my case, for example, many times on a beautiful summer evening after a hard day's work, I treat myself by driving to a local pond and enjoying some quiet fishing while the sun sinks behind the mountains nearby. I do this as a reward to myself for my hard work, and because it feeds a part of my soul I can't feed in the hustle and bustle at home.

But there are other, more dangerous cravings: Acceptance, adoration, adventure, respect, different kinds of sex, are just a few of the myriad things that could be on the mind of your man. Whatever it is he craves, if his married life is denying him of it, it just builds like pressure in a tea kettle. In most cases, it's not a question of if, but of when.

There's another, CRUCIAL piece of information you need. This fundamental need of his that's not being met, whatever it is, it doesn't even have to be REAL OR TRUE.

It just has to SEEM true, from his perspective. In other words, it just has to exist in his mind. I really can't overemphasize the importance of this.

IF you're with me this far, you're probably thinking, "OK, so just what is he being denied that's so valuable to him, anyway?" That's the million-dollar question, and it can be a very tough puzzle to solve.

To answer this puzzle, you'll have to ask yourself some questions about your guy.

Questions like:

- What is your man like when he's WRONG?

- What did your man's first romantic experience, back in his childhood, teach him about love?

- And what is your man's #1 WORST fear?

Contained in the answers to these questions is a pile of valuable insights into what makes your man tick. But that's just the beginning.

There's much, much more you need to be thinking about to get a complete picture of what's going on.

If you know what your man needs, you can make sure he gets it, and in a way that meets your needs too. But if you can't tell what he craves, you'll always be guessing what his next moves will be. If your man says he loves you, but you suspect, or know he cheated, it doesn't always spell the end.

In fact, it could be the beginning of a more connected, more intimate relationship under the right circumstances and with some professional counseling.

[Drake]

Some men you should just keep your distance from. These are the guys who always cheat on their girlfriends. These guys simply aren't worth the effort because they will never fully commit to just one girl. Guys like that are selfish. They want love and devotion, but they want to play the field as well. They love the rush that comes with a new conquest, but they are too insecure to live on their own. The best of them outgrow it, but usually, these are the guys who cheat even after they're married and have a family.

Other guys cheat because they got into a relationship for the wrong reason in the first place. They thought they were in love, but were really just deeply in lust. After awhile, when the physical attraction wears off and they find they really don't have much in common with their partner, their eyes begin to roam. When the opportunity arises, they cheat. Usually these guys are afraid to break off a relationship and the cheating makes it easy.

Another reason why men cheat is because they feel emotionally unfulfilled in their relationship. While everything was great in the beginning, he starts to feel that the girl he's been with for so long is not the same girl he fell in love with. He does everything in his power to rekindle the flame, but she is more interested in her work or her friends than in him. When he meets a woman who fulfills his emotional needs, he cheats.

Female and male psychology is similar. Lasting relationships are built on deep emotional ties. Both men and women cheat because something is missing emotionally in the relationship they've got. It always hurts and hurts deeply, but it's no reason to give up on love. Now that you know why men cheat, you can do something to prevent it from happening to you.

[Denise3]

.Designermom, if your man is not meeting your womans' needs and you, lady is loving him, then you need to exit the relationship. Dont live a life that is not of value. You have been hurt again by being undervalued... YOU are worth more.. your LIFE is worth more. dont discredit yourself anymore, start dong the things you enjoy, join groups and activities you have always wanted to... find YOURSELF again, live YOUR life. You wont find true love until you find your TRUE SELF, not someone who is living someone elses life! get out there girl and live YOUR life... Its never too late, I have been heartbroken twice by narcissists, and after 9 children I will Find my Bloody SELF. NO MORE! Say No More! I AM WORTH MORE! I WILL LIVE A LOVABLE LIFE!

[SmallTalk]

You are sooo right, Denise. She isn't in the relationship anymore, isn't she? I remember sneaking around the new girls house after breaking up - it only hurts yourself, not the others. Free yourself and live a better life. With or without men.