Money & relationships

[Kchristinaj]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We’re perfect together & im so happy with him. He has a good job & is very good at saving money and is not a big spender. When we first starting dating I was making a decent amount of money, and I would pay for our bar tabs every so often, buy us food, surprise him with little things I’d get for him at the mall. I have just recently quit my job. And he is so stingy with money. I’m scared to ask him for money to help with groceries. Every time I go to Walmart I spend at least 100$ to stock up on food & necessities that both of us would need. I try to have him a nice dinner made for when he gets off work. We spilt all bills 3 ways between a roommate as well, and the most recent bill was 70$. He gave me 100$, & kept pushing that I pay him back the 30$. He knows my situation, and I’m low on money right now. This morning I went & bought us coffee and a breakfast sandwich & a pack of cigarettes while he was still sleeping. We get to talking & I say the dog needs dog food. He said i can just use the money from the 30$ I owe him, for the dog food. I blew up. Why can’t he just let me keep the 30$? Am I being selfish? I feel like I’m not because of the situation was reveresed I’d give him anything he wanted. I’d surprise him with things all the time and get h anything he needed. He works long & hard hours for his money & it’s HIS money & I respect that. But the way I was raised, a man works to support his family. It’s not like I’m asking him to take me shopping, or buy me gifts or anything material. It’s for things we both need. It’s not like he’s paying my portion of the bills. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want to help me with a little bit of money when he has so much saved up & has no intention on doing anything with his money. I feel bad for feeling this way, but like I said if the roles were switched, I’d help him all I could because I love him & I know he’s trying.

[Kchristinaj]

*the bill was split 3 ways between me, him, and a roommate, which equaled to 70$

[SmallTalk]

You spend so much money on him - or you both - at the beginning. So I think that it is okay if he gives you a little bit money back. Have you got any savings? Of course it isn't easy for you to beg him for money. Can't you ask him for a credit and pay it back when you have a job again?

[Victoria]

But the way I was raised, a man works to support his family. It’s not like I’m asking him to take me shopping, or buy me gifts or anything material.

You are completely right, a man is suppose to take care of his family. However, I feel he is acting this way because of how you treated him when the relationship started. He is used to you spending on him, so he feels it should continue that way. I will advice you have a one-on-one talk with him and let him know you aren't happy with how he is acting.

[A207]

Well first I will say he is your boyfriend not your husband. So he shouldn't have to support you. BUT he should help with both of your dogs food and for groceries and necessities that he uses also. I would explain how you pay for the groceries that he uses also and the $30 wasn't even half. I would talk calmly though and just show him how much you spend and if he can help do his part due to your current employment situation. If he still insists to not help, I would give him back his $30 and stop buying his necessities and groceries but explain that you are going to stop paying for them because you cannot afford to. When the dog needs food just say the food is x amount and tell him he should pay half.