I am so depressed because I'm lost without my late husband!

[lostanduncertain]

I can't seem to "get back on track" after losing my husband of almost 30 years. I'm 60 now and it took me a long time to date. I am ready to be in a serious relationship and have 2 relationships at this time. One is with someone I've dated over the last 4 years and another for a year. Neither at the same time, though. But I can't keep on bouncing back and forth. The reason for this is because I am not certain of either man. The long-term bf is someone I have a good sex life with and passion as well as laughs, etc. and I'm attracted to him BUT he has a history of financial issues and at the current time just got re-employed but for a modest salary. He inherited a small sum but it is held in trust to avoid paying old creditors. He was convicted of check kiting over 10 years ago and it wiped him out. I have no doubt he loves me but I worry about living with him (or marrying him, as he'd like to do with me), given I earn a good living and have a nice nest egg (but I have 2 adult children I'm supporting for now as well as myself).

The other man is kind, generous, loving and considerate but I don't feel the same sexual attraction to him (it is there but no where near the 1st bf); however, I am physically attracted to him and our education and professions are very compatible. He also lives a distance (75 miles) so we'd need to work that out if we are going to ultimately live together (which is what I want to do with the right guy).

Both men say they love me and are good to my children. Both are good family men and are good to their kids, moms, etc...

I keep on struggling - do I go with the 1st man (with whom I have more sexual excitement but need to worry about future finances), the 2nd man (who I can be happy with but there may be some sexual attraction lacking; however, I have no financial worries), or neither.?It may sound strange but I love them both for who they are. I don't want anyone to support me but I can't be supporting someone else for sure; I just don't have those kinds of resources.

Can anyone help me sort this out? I can't go on like this...I can't sleep or think straight and even have trouble at work.

Thanks.

[Brett]

I will strongly suggest guy 2 for you. You will be happier with him! Guy 1 only offers you sex and that you will stop enjoying after a while.

[Vivian]

Like you said, you are sexually attracted to the 1st man and don't have any sexual attraction for 2nd man. The fact is that sexual attraction isn't enough reason to choose a life partner, although it's an important aspect of relationship. You can also be sexually attracted to the 2nd man if you have good sexual communication with him. Let him know what you like in bed, because he won't know if you don't tell him.

So, I will advice you go for the 2nd man, because that is where your happiness lies.