Myself and my boyfriends past.

[Ace]

Hi guys - my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 Years now, he has been divorced before and it has been 6 years since they have been together. They got engaged quickly after 12months of known each other, had two children then separated when their son was 1. All up just around 5 Years together.

I’ve always suspected that he’s never giving me 100% of himself to me because of what happened to him (getting divorced) which he has always denied....2.5 Years into our relationship and he finally admitted that he hadn’t because he was worried about me leaving and was constantly telling himself “it doesn’t matter if she leaves” I felt lied to and felt like I was crazy for thinking that as he always denied it, when the entire time I was right. I’ve spent 2.5 years of my life giving him my everything and it turned out he had been giving about 50% of him. He would never organise us to go out and do anything. No dinner dates no movies no nothing I had to organise everything. When he realised I was about it walk out he picked up his game hugely but it’s gone back to normal again.

Christmas Eve - we got into into a heated discussion with family over same sex marriage (I am extremely sorry if I offend anyone this is just what happened and I mean no disrespect at all)
I was trying to understand why he thought they shouldn’t marry and when I asked him “well why did you want to marry your ex wife” he said “because I wanted to show my commitment with her and we loved each other” which instant hurt me (not the love part that’s obvious but the commitment part) . He’s hardly been able to talk about marriage with me. Why doesn’t he want to make a commitment to me?
I have asked and he has said yes he wants to but that was it and it’s been three years. Every time I try bring up kids he gets awkward says yes he wants to but that’s it end of conversation.


it’s Christmas Day and he hasn’t got me anything..I said to him I got him something a couple months before and he repeatedly said “I’m not buying you anything” granted we have just spent close to 6k on a new business but I still went out and got him something.


I feel like this relationship is going to go nowhere.
I love him so much we have a house together a life and I just feel blah now on Christmas Day...yay.
Has anyone gone through the same thing? What did you guys do? Am I overreacting?

[David]

It's obvious that he doesn't want to give all of himself to you, maybe as a result of his past experience. However, I will suggest you give him space for awhile, that way he will get to value what he has. Like they say, "we don't value what we have until we lose it." That is completely true in this case.

[Olivia]

Understanding how to make your man commit to you begins with recognizing that men just don't respond well to pressure. If you always bring up the subject of a commitment with your boyfriend and he pulls back, don't continue to push him on the issue. You can completely change the dynamic between the two of you if you stop talking about a more serious relationship altogether. It won't take him long to notice that you've give up marriage talk and when he asks you about it simply tell him that you realized you're not ready either. This will light a fire under him that will make him fear losing you.

Another effective way to get a man to commit to you is to pull back just a bit. Make yourself less available to him. If you have been spending every evening with him, don't anymore. Make plans with friends or focus on taking a course to upgrade your education. Even heading to the gym is beneficial. Do something that takes you away from him and be very casual about it. Men are incredibly intuitive when it comes to how interested their woman is in them and if your man feels you slipping away, he's going to seriously reconsider the idea of making a commitment. He doesn't want to risk losing you.