I think I might cheat on my husband

[Anonannie3149]

I know I’m going to get a lot of hate for this but hear me out....




I’ve been married to my husband since Nov of last year. He is male and 31 I am female and 22 soon to be 23.So we have not been married very long. Prior to marriage we only dated for a little over a year.

When we got married I wasn’t sure if I was completely ready, he was beyond ready but I still had doubts but said yes anyway and went along with the ceremony. Truthfully I think his only reason for marrying me was to look better in court as he is currently battling his ex for custody of heir son. He says that he wanted to marry me because it just felt like the right thing to do (Christian faith )and he didn’t know why we were still going to pre marriage counseling and not just doing it. I gave in and did it.

The reason I was dragging my feet to marriage was because I wanted to really tackle the issues we had before marriage and realize what we were both doing wrong and change that so we wouldn’t drag that into a marriage. The main issues I had with him was his controlling behavior, angry temper, and the way he shut my feelings, emotions down. We are Christians. He was more devout than I was and helped get me more involved in church and I’m grateful for that but I think that is what has caused his mindset towards me as a wife. You see the Bible speaks of the husband being the head and the wife submitting and being meek etc. (The opposite of me) He takes this is as he must control everything that happens in our life down to the way I chew my food, how often I work out, when we go out, when I visit my parents, etc. This is also means in every argument and disagreement I am to be quiet, submit and never express my thoughts and feelings while he gets to give me full lectures about what I’m doing wrong and how I need to read the Bible more so I can be a better wife. The arguments haven’t gotten bad we’ve gotten to the point of wanting to physically fight but we have never ever actually hit each other. I think the arguments stem from my deep unhappiness and wanting to feel free again because I feel like a prisoner in my own home sometimes. I can’t express myself, he’s cut any friends I had out of my life because they were not godly, and he never lets me have a say so in anything. At times I go into our home office and just cry because I feel so depressed. I’ve expressed to him how i want him to be as a husband but he doesn’t listen because to him the issue is never him, it’s me and the fact that I’m not reading the Bible and growing closer to God. In his mind if I was doing that I’d be perfectly happy and fine with his controlling nature and I’d be the happy cookie cutter wife that he so desperately wants.




So why am I considering cheating?

Well mostly because I want to feel free. I want to be taken out on a date, I want to dress up and feel beautiful and I want a man to want me even though I’m so flawed as my husband happily points out any chance he gets. My husband has stopped doing these things because it’s a waste of money to him to get dressed and go out when we do it’s never when I want to go or where I want to go he controls that also. ( if there’s a restaurant I want to try and he doesn’t want to go I sneak and go by myself). An ex of mine (male,27 yrs old) has been contacting me and telling me his loves me and misses me. We talked briefly about what happened between us and he feels awful. He knows I’m with another man but he still has the same feelings regardless. At first he refused to see me again because it would hurt him to much to do so because I’m with someone else but he recently has come around to the idea and wants to meet up with me for lunch in a couple of weeks. I agreed. I don’t want my husband to know at all. Although he’s not the best husband I still don’t want to hurt him. I just have this feeling of needing to get out and feeling free and doing it behind his back. Maybe it’s because I’m also a terrible wife. Maybe it’s because I want to feel like I have my power back.




Also divorce isn’t an option because the Bible rebukes divorce unless there is physical infidelity and I have not and don’t plan on having sex with anyone else. I simply just want to go on a date and feel wanted again.

[Clay]

I suggest you have a one-on-one talk with your husband and outline what you want from a man, so you can be happily married to him. Marriage is all about understanding and agreement, so always make your wish know to him. This is the only way to stay happily married. Also, don't consider cheating because it's something you will regret all you life and will keep hurting you.

[Sandra]

I think your husband is doing his best for you, however, you are having a change of mind because your ex boyfriend is professing so much love for you. You must cut all contact with your ex immediately and never speak to him again. You must realize you are married now and never have anything to do with any ex. An ex is an ex for a reason, if he broke up with you initially, then he can breakup with you again even if you leave your husband for him. So, don't make the biggest mistake of your life by cheating on your husband.

[syn.th0]

A lot of these comments support your husband or staying with him, or that it's just because of your ex. In my opinion, while I don't think cheating is okay, you're clearly very unhappy and have a very clear reason for wanting to cheat.

"I can’t express myself, he’s cut any friends I had out of my life because they were not godly, and he never lets me have a say so in anything. At times I go into our home office and just cry because I feel so depressed" You said this. As somebody whose mother was abused during my childhood, that's concerning. As you stated, he is obviously very controlling, and if you are not allowed to speak in your arguments, how do you expect him to listen to you if you attempt to speak to him about what you want in the relationship?

If he's robbed you of your friends, you aren't allowed to have emotions, and you're so depressed that you randomly go to the office and cry, these are key signs that something is very wrong in the relationship. You could attempt to have a conversation with him- but everybody deserves to be happy in a relationship. You are a lot younger than him and have your life ahead of you, I believe that you should ask yourself if you are happy in this relationship. It sounds like you're very boxed in and unhappy, and you have very little freedom. While I don't agree with cheating, look at the reasons why you want to cheat. It seems like this man is making you miserable.

Even if the bible rebukes divorce, the way this man is treating you isn't much better than cheating. If you want to save the relationship, attempt to work things out. If you realize that you don't, although you're against it, divorce may be a good option. This seems like potentially abusive behavior and nobody should be trapped in a situation like that. It can get worse very quickly.