My girlfriend is not my type

[whythat]

Hello,

i have meet my girlfriend on internet, and she lied to me about how she looks, she showed me pictures of another lady, she didn't want us to meet and we falled in love by phone.
after many months she told me that the person she showed me was not really her, and in fact she was completely different.

i was shock but finally i told her that i love her too much and i can't stop being with her, but i said to her that she is not my type of girl at the moment and i'd like to see her loosing some weight, she said that she started already and she is motivated.

we meet together in real life, we slowly got closer and closer at the point that i kissed her, but i can't do more than this because she is not my type of girl, we are together for a year now and she didn't get slimmer at the moment, i love her so much because she is everything i love in a girl, but i am not sexually attracted by her, that's why i can't give her sex.

she is menacing me to leave me because we don't have sex, she said she feels that she is not loved, i can feel that i really love her because my belly is hurting and i feel like i want to puke when she says she wants to leave me, my heart is beating fast and i cry alone.

but i can't force myself to have sex with her because i'd like it to be something beautiful, i don't want to give to her what she wants just to make her happy, i want to do it because i want it too.

for a year i didn't have sex with any women because i love her and i'm waiting for her, but in same time she makes me feel that i am a bad person because she thinks that for me the apparence is too important, i told her that i never said she was an ugly girl, but i am not attracted by this type of girls some men are, but i am not and i'd like to see her being motivated about loosing some weight.

Do you think i am a bad person ? what should i say to her ? do you believe it is possible to truely love someone but not being sexually attracted by this person ?

thank you for your reply

[tropwins]

Oh wow. You have just been catfished. If you dont feel any attraction to her, why be with her? It is her fault for fooling you in the first place. Maybe she will get the message that you should tell her to shape up or you'll break up with her. That should get her motivated to exercise.

[whythat]

thank you for your reply and for reading me,

I'm still with her because she made me fall in love on phone, because i loved her personnality, we laugh at the same stupid jokes, we love the same stuffs, everything is perfect for me from inside, i really deeply love her and i think i love her more than i loved my previous girlfriend, that's why i'm waiting for her, i'm sure i could get attracted by her if she'd get slimmer. But now she is actually making me feel that i am a bad person, because i can't give sex to her, she said that she doesn't feel loved, and it makes her feel bad and that's why she is not motivated to get slimmer.

i have meet her family already, at first i didn't want but she said she feels bad because her family don't know me, so i did, i went to her family and now i know everyone, they seem to like me and i like them too... i can't tell them "hey you know maybe we will break up because she doesn't do enough of exercise" they will think i'm a shitty person, sometimes i feel like a bad person, because i know a lot of slim ladies don't have good heart, but she really need to do something with her body because i am not attracted at all.

i'm not the kind of person who think how people look is the most important, but i deeply think that for sex, it's important to be attracted by the person, i could have sex with a woman that i don't love if i'm attracted by her, but i don't do that because i love a woman and i don't want to make her sad, and i still make her sad anyway because i don't give her sex.

do you know what i mean? i'm in a difficult position, it's like i have to choose between my heart or my penis, i didn't have sex for 2 years now and we are together for a year, the best for me would be seeing her doing something to change her shape, even saying this i feel guilty to think like that.

[bunnyhabit]

a relationship without sex but including lies is destine to fail sooner or later. suggest you recognize you are friends not lovers which is obvious from your comments. the longer you wait for the this transition the more painful.

[whythat]

but why i have this feeling in my heart when she says that she wants to leave me, i never had that with a friends that's why i'm convinced that i do love her, but in same time i know that you are right, every normal relationship have sex.

[Ella]

You aren't a bad person, as a matter of fact you can't please her to displease yourself. It's best you breakup with her now, before the relationship stays too long and you continue to die in silence.

She is to blame because she lied about herself, so don't ever feel guilty.