My family hates him

[lovergirl125]

I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year and last week he came over unexpectedly and suggested that we should break up or take a break. A little background information: We're genuinely in love but he has struggled with depression for years. When he decided we needed to break up he was having an especially bad episode that made him make a rash decision. Nevertheless, to save face, I made it seem as though I thought breaking up was a good idea as well, but wanting to scream "don't leave me" the whole time. After 2 days of little no communication he messaged me describing how much of a mistake he had made and that he doesn't want to let me go. This led to a long long discussion about what our relationship means to one another, what we want in the future, and what needs to change in order to make it work. We had come to a fairly good understanding and I felt as though he had never been that open with me before. I feel like I know him so much better and he is making initiatives he has never made before, like attending group meetings for his depression. I should also mention that he has an incredibly stressful job while also attending university and he doesn't have as many family supports as I do. Anyways, we decided to work on things but here is my problem: my family is not a fan of him anymore because they believe I can do better. Last night, an old high school friend called my mom expressing concern because my boyfriend had invited her as well as other mutual friends out after a sporting event his brother had just won. They had gone on a couple of dates years before we started dating and are just friends now. It does not bother me because I understand that he is still friends with her, as am I. I wholehearted believe she just read into it differently then he intended. He's always been faithful to me and genuinely expressive of his feelings, he just is struggling and I love him too much to even think about leaving him. My family, however, does not see it this way and I can understand why obviously. I have expressed their distaste for the whole situation to my boyfriend, and he is open to having a discussion with them about everything, but I still feel like I am being shoved in the middle of a situation I don't deserve to be in. Should I be suggesting a break to let things reboot or should I just push through it and hope for the best? Help!

[Zinok]

First off, I`d have a frank conversation with the girl you claim to be friends with, who went over your head and talked to your mother instead of you about the fact your boyfriend asked her (among others) to hang out one night. That`s not what a friend would do. If this girl had concerns she should have came to you, honestly I`d be a bit pissed that she was stirring up trouble involving your family. That`s kinda fucked up, and seems like she might have some malicious intent herself. Are you so sure she isn`t trying to drive a wedge between your family and your boyfriend for her own purposes?

Secondly, it's great that your boyfriend is willing to talk things through with you and your family. It sounds like the two of you had a really deep and honest conversation the other day, and that's fantastic. I think that you should try to talk to your family in the same kind of way.
I'd suggest taking whichever person in your family who is most against him, just the two of you prior to the conversation, and explain to them how much it hurts that they are unaccepting of your choice. Explain that you understand their concern, and that you apprecaite that they're acting from love, but firmly explain that it is not their choice to make, and that their current attitudes only hinders rather than helps the situation. Explain that it causes you stress, frustration, and pain. Ask them if they will try to have an open mind and to hear him out, to see him as a person with struggles and fears who's trying to be their best. Hopefully they will agree, if they love you and truly care about your happiness, they will agree. By having this one on one with his biggest antagonist, and securing their willingness to hear him out, the others will in turn be more likely to listen to him compassionately.
Then yeah.. have the big uncomfortable conversation with the family. Have him explain where he's at, what he is going through. Talk about the talk you two had, and the plans you have for your future.
Try to do it all in a very non-aggressive patient way. Understand that they are acting this way because they care about you.

I really hope you guys can find some common ground, and that they're willing to give his guy a chance. I wish you the best of luck.

[Julia]

What matters most is love. If you truly love him, don't let your family determine who you will spend the rest of your life with. Your happiness should be your priority and not your family.

[Caleb]

Women are nurturers, it is said. Unfortunately, this wonderful quality can often stand in the way of turning a casual relationship into a loving one. That doesn't make much sense, does it?

In any good relationship, the two partners will go out of their way to please their mate; however, women frequently go drastically overboard because of this nurturing tendency. They will constantly attempt to fix all of their man's problems so that he can stay happy and free of concerns. Sadly, this can be smothering to most guys, especially when the woman insists that they talk about whatever may be bothering him.

The best course of action if you want to make him fall in love is to give him space and time to work out the issue which needs to be addressed. It is a fact that most men prefer to deal with situations completely on their own without involving their mate. Your guy needs the freedom to reach a solution individually, and does not need to explain why he may be a little withdrawn or quiet. There is no explanation; it's just the way men are. Leave him alone and just consider that he might be doing you a favor by giving you one less thing to worry about.

You will not make him fall in love if you always try to take care of him. You will earn his affection much quicker if you simply give him space and hold back from demanding a discussion. He will resolve his problems and return to his normal happy self, you will be happy for him, and you didn't have to take on another problem to take up more of your time!