I am feeling antsy?

[lalaland2018]

My boyfriend I dated previously in mid 2011-early 2013. We broke up because I was just super immature.

We got back together towards the end of 2016 and have been happily together since (though we have had a couple of arguments, but nothing major). We’ve had discussions about moving out of our current city together for awhile, since we want to begin the ‘next’ chapter of our relationship.

My boyfriend is pretty much perfect for me. We compliment each other so well, and even get comments from others that we work great together, so this issue I’m having really isn’t a problem that he’s done.

So I’ve always had this ‘personal timeline’ of my future (ie: being married and at least pregnant by the time I’m 30), so I recognize I still have 5 ½ years to reach that.

But there have been several people my age that I graduated high school and college with getting married and having children.

Don’t get me wrong, I can recognize that I feel too young to do this now and I am super happy for these people, but I can’t help but feel a sense of jealously and I don’t know why.

Realistically I can see a proposal happening in the next year or so (bf has talked about wanting to get married at the age of 30, so 2 ½ more years). But I don’t know why I’m starting to feel this pressure or this feeling of being inadequate since I haven’t reached this stage a lot of other people my age have already.

I’m not putting any pressure on my BF about this (though we’ve had general talks that we do want to spend our lives with each other), but I don’t know how to quell these feelings of insecurity.

[Elliot]

First, to put an end to your feelings of insecurity, you need to remove the personal timeline of your future. The fact that you gave yourself a future timeline makes you feel insecure whenever you see other people of age getting married.

Also, giving yourself a future timeline will make you make mistake about choosing the right life partner. This is because you are likely going to get married to anyone just because you want to fulfill your dreams, and not because that person is the right one for you.

[Gloria]

There are basically two options open to you. First of all, you may resign yourself to the circumstances, and either wait endlessly for him to propose or move on to another relationship. Secondly, you can decide to take measures that will move your boyfriend out of his comfort zone so that he decides to marry. There are actually a few simple steps that can help you to make your man yearn for commitment, which you should take advantage of.

1. Use reverse psychology

A very effective method in making your boyfriend long for marriage is not to talk about the topic in the first place. Trying to raise the issue of marriage will just make your boyfriend build more resistance. It will appear as if you are trying to push him into a corner, a situation that no man appreciates.

It is when you show no interest in marriage that your boyfriend will instead be interested in the matter. This is basically due to the fact that men enjoy the thrill of chasing, and satisfaction of reaching success. On the other hand, if they notice that they are the ones being hunted, they will instinctively pull out. Challenge him to the chase, and he is bound to come after you. In the process, he will at last decide to commit to marriage.

2. Pull back a bit

If you are dating a man who does not seem to have any interest in tying the knot, you may think that you risk losing him when you are not always available to him. Unfortunately, this will just make him see no sense in making any more effort. You should instead pull back so that he will have something to miss in you. It is this that will arouse his interest.

3. Maintain your independence

If you sacrifice your independence in the hope that this is what will make him want to marry you, then you are wrong. Do not let go of your interests, and always take care of your financial responsibilities. It is by maintaining your own individuality that you will appeal more to your boyfriend, and thus he will yearn to take your hand in marriage.

As you can see, influencing your boyfriend to long for marriage is not really as complicated as it seems at first.