why does he act this way?

[ayla13]

So me and this guy have been dating for about a year on and off. Sometimes he's ok, other times the things he does and says are questionable.



We went on holiday together, he organised the whole thing since prior to that I wasn't happy with him and was pretty much ignoring him for a month. He said let's start again and it can be a new chapter, so I agreed to go away with him.



Since we got back i've just been analysing and questioning why to put it mildly he's such a d**k



First day was good, we got on fine. Then he started doing and saying somethings which were out of order and pretty much made me not want to be there with him.

1. everywhere we went he would leave me trailing behind him trying to catch up, he would just walk and not even consider if im behind him or not. one time I lost him and spent about half an hour contemplating if I should go just end the day and go back to the hotel or carry on looking for him. Only for him to come out and say he's been watching me going up n down the whole time, much to his amusement. I didn't find that very funny.



2. We went to one of the hotel nights, he found a nerdy looking guy and said that guy is you. Why don't you go chat him up, he said it jokingly. when I said ok then I will he suddenly changed and said he doubts he would give you me a chance anyway since the women he's been dancing with are of a different level, implying im unattractive in comparison.

[Camila]

I think he has gotten too comfortable with you, and so doesn't appreciate having you. Most times, the best thing to do in this case is to give him space to make him realize your worth.

[Caleb]

It's an all-too-common scenario - when a man first starts dating you, it's all fun and games. Not a day passes by without him calling you up and setting up dates, and it's always a blast spending time with each other. But after a while, you notice that the attention and affection he's giving you is slowly decreasing in frequency and intensity. What's going on?

The typical (and paranoid) thought that comes to most women's minds is that he might be getting bored with the relationship, and is probably trying to find enjoyment elsewhere. This is where these women make one of two common, yet very deadly, mistakes:

#1 - They confront their boyfriends about the sudden drop in affection. Some women, upon noticing that their boyfriends are going out with them less and less, often confront them by asking questions like:

"Is there something wrong? You don't seem to be as into me as you used to be."

"Why aren't you as romantic as before?"

Or worst of all:

"Are you thinking of breaking up with me?"

#2 - They try to keep the excitement up by doing more - they try setting up dates with their boyfriends before he has a chance, or they try to be more romantic whenever they're together. This is all in hopes that he goes back to the more affectionate personality he had when you were only starting out.

These two reactions are common, but they run the risk of ending the relationship - even when the boyfriend wasn't even thinking of breaking up in the first place.

Here's why. When a man first starts dating a woman, he's in it for the fun and the freedom. The thought of committing for the long-term is the last thing on his mind. This is why he can afford to be so sweet and romantic - he's running no real risk. Yet.

But when he begins to like you so much that he starts thinking about the long-term, it's a serious shifting of gears for him. He suddenly becomes more focused on the future. For instance, he starts thinking if his job would be enough to support the two of you, or if he's ready to take on the role of the "provider" of a family he might one day have.

This is the main reason why he becomes less affectionate - he's focusing his attention to more important things. This is why trying to bring him back to the way he used to be might just change his mind about settling down with you - and believe me, you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by making the two mistakes mentioned above!

Just take it easy, stay positive, and let things play out naturally.

[ayla13]

I think he has gotten too comfortable with you, and so doesn't appreciate having you. Most times, the best thing to do in this case is to give him space to make him realize your worth.

what happened was before we went on holiday I stopped speaking to him for just over a month, simply because he kept making plans then cancelling and he did that like five.or six times, so I made it clear I was annoyed thrn just stopped talking to him completely, he then came running after me and setting dates and practically was dying to book s holiday for us. he did all that he said it will be a new chapter fr us and he kept saying the same thing, but then on holidsy obviously he did and saI'd those things. so what I'm trying.to say is i already gave him lots of space.as I just wasn't interested in talking to him and in guess he thought he was losing me.so he came back to me all guns blazing..and then when he had me he reverted back to his typical arsey ways

[ayla13]

It's an all-too-common scenario - when a man first starts dating you, it's all fun and games. Not a day passes by without him calling you up and setting up dates, and it's always a blast spending time with each other. But after a while, you notice that the attention and affection he's giving you is slowly decreasing in frequency and intensity. What's going on?

The typical (and paranoid) thought that comes to most women's minds is that he might be getting bored with the relationship, and is probably trying to find enjoyment elsewhere. This is where these women make one of two common, yet very deadly, mistakes:

#1 - They confront their boyfriends about the sudden drop in affection. Some women, upon noticing that their boyfriends are going out with them less and less, often confront them by asking questions like:

"Is there something wrong? You don't seem to be as into me as you used to be."

"Why aren't you as romantic as before?"

Or worst of all:

"Are you thinking of breaking up with me?"

#2 - They try to keep the excitement up by doing more - they try setting up dates with their boyfriends before he has a chance, or they try to be more romantic whenever they're together. This is all in hopes that he goes back to the more affectionate personality he had when you were only starting out.

These two reactions are common, but they run the risk of ending the relationship - even when the boyfriend wasn't even thinking of breaking up in the first place.

Here's why. When a man first starts dating a woman, he's in it for the fun and the freedom. The thought of committing for the long-term is the last thing on his mind. This is why he can afford to be so sweet and romantic - he's running no real risk. Yet.

But when he begins to like you so much that he starts thinking about the long-term, it's a serious shifting of gears for him. He suddenly becomes more focused on the future. For instance, he starts thinking if his job would be enough to support the two of you, or if he's ready to take on the role of the "provider" of a family he might one day have.

This is the main reason why he becomes less affectionate - he's focusing his attention to more important things. This is why trying to bring him back to the way he used to be might just change his mind about settling down with you - and believe me, you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by making the two mistakes mentioned above!

Just take it easy, stay positive, and let things play out naturally.

i already know all this lol
I'm not your typical woman where I ask stupid questions like are you breaking up with me or are you seeing someone, I never act desperate like that

I do usually go with the flow but when I can see and I have concrete proof of his shady behaviour then that's another story.

on holiday he did do all those things I.e comment on my appearance and how I should look in the mirror as if if look terrible, he did go walking ten thousand miles ahead of me so many times that if lost.him,

anyway so if wasn't happy with him after we came back obv and i just didn't really speak to hm even when he messaged messaged but he doesn't know I'm annoyed with him.
to make matters worse he sent me a link of a woman barely wearing anything on instagram and posing into thr camera he jst said to tell him what the background song was that she said as posing to. its like why ask me why not ask one of his friends. if you're into someone u don't send videos of slutty women to them surely

[smackie9]

This guy is a narcissist, possible psychopath. Hah and I'm not talkin serial killer, but loves to confuse/ and play others because he likes the control, and has no empathy for anyone. He manipulates you so he can use you. That is why you are always "Off and on". It's him just wanting convenience for monetary gain for like attention / sex. You are a sucker and weak, and he knows this...that is why he does and says such horrible things...you let him get away with it. Dump this chump like NOW!

[ayla13]

This guy is a narcissist, possible psychopath. Hah and I'm not talkin serial killer, but loves to confuse/ and play others because he likes the control, and has no empathy for anyone. He manipulates you so he can use you. That is why you are always "Off and on". It's him just wanting convenience for monetary gain for like attention / sex. You are a sucker and weak, and he knows this...that is why he does and says such horrible things...you let him get away with it. Dump this chump like NOW!

so have all his relationships been like this, where he just uses others. the last woman he was seeing for three years it was lik a proper relationship not off and on.

he doesn't get sex from me so therefore he can't use me for it. he does try though all the time but I aint so stupid that I'm gonna give him what he wants with how he's behaved.

he was the.one who was dying to go on holiday with me, he could probably tell I was getting.distant, these days I go weeks without speaking to hm and he has to be the one to chase me

[lisabib]

2. We went to one of the hotel nights, he found a nerdy looking guy and said that guy is you. Why don't you go chat him up, he said it jokingly. when I said ok then I will he suddenly changed and said he doubts he would give you me a chance anyway since the women he's been dancing with are of a different level, implying im unattractive in comparison.

this part has really caught me,reminds me of myself,the guy is cruel ,to me i think doesn't matter,you dont have to do anything to attract a man he should be attracted to you naturally

[smackie9]

OK so you don't like the way he treats you or acts....so why even bother playing this game of "You gotta prove my worth"? It's off and on for a reason....you two have different ideas on how things should be. Too much struggling, not worth your time.

TBH he is bad behavior is probably him acting out because of his frustration from not getting any. Just being a tool about it.

[TheDarkOne]

OK so you don't like the way he treats you or acts....so why even bother playing this game of "You gotta prove my worth"? It's off and on for a reason....you two have different ideas on how things should be. Too much struggling, not worth your time.

TBH he is bad behavior is probably him acting out because of his frustration from not getting any. Just being a tool about it.

Yep. Why are you two even together? There's much better people out there....

[ayla13]

this part has really caught me,reminds me of myself,the guy is cruel ,to me i think doesn't matter,you dont have to do anything to attract a man he should be attracted to you naturally

I know he was very rude. this holiday he left me speechless at his rudeness I didn't even know how to react at the time. my friend says he.doesn't ever compliment you and insults you but he dies to sleep with you so he must be attracted to you

[ayla13]

OK so you don't like the way he treats you or acts....so why even bother playing this game of "You gotta prove my worth"? It's off and on for a reason....you two have different ideas on how things should be. Too much struggling, not worth your time.

TBH he is bad behavior is probably him acting out because of his frustration from not getting any. Just being a tool about it.

to be honest now I don't even know. I think he can tell when I'm giving up as I just stop talking.to him completely and don't respond to hid messages. and that's when he tries to get me back. like he did.with booking the holiday I didn't even ask him to do that and right before I was literally distancing myself from him

[ayla13]

Yep. Why are you two even together? There's much better people out there....

well I guess there are I just havnt come across anyone. I mean there was a time we both had a break I met lots of other people but somehow ended up back to this guy

[lisabib]

I know he was very rude. this holiday he left me speechless at his rudeness I didn't even know how to react at the time. my friend says he.doesn't ever compliment you and insults you but he dies to sleep with you so he must be attracted to you

nay,the guy is just using you and be careful with your friend she maybe jealous of you,some people will lough at you when you are sinking in mud and cant help you,the friend you have is your enemy be careful girl,to me cant let anyone i care/value be mistreated

[ayla13]

nay,the guy is just using you and be careful with your friend she maybe jealous of you,some people will lough at you when you are sinking in mud and cant help you,the friend you have is your enemy be careful girl,to me cant let anyone i care/value be mistreated

using me for what though, we don't go all the way physically since I refuse. its going a bit too far isn't isn't to take someone away on holiday that you're using lol