Hurt and Confused

[Glamgal888]

So my husband and I have had a great relationship for over 3 years and the sex was great too. He will be 49 in July and I am 51. About a month ago we went from having sex 3 or more times a week to nothing. I have made several attempts to initiate sex only to be turned down. One exception was about 4 days ago when I gave him oral. He didn't reciprocate though. When I ask my husband about it he avoids giving me an answer. There has also been a lack of intimacy in the same period of time. He used to please me in bed and now He doesn't seem care. He seems to only get turned on when he imagines me with another woman in bed but even that fantasy has dwindled. He is much quieter than usual and I feel like everything I do now just annoys him. I am an attractive woman, take care of my appearance and hygiene and am a very affectionate person with goals and dreams. I don't understand where we went wrong. Is this just a "dry spell" or should I be concerned about this recent development?

[Brett]

Since you're not emotionally intimate with each other, the physical intimacy suffers as a result, leaving you to wonder how to respark your husband's interest in sex, and how to bring the intimacy, closeness, and connection back to your marriage.

Here are 3 tips that you can start using now to get your husband interested in sex again:

1. Make "Together" Time

Most couples in sexless marriages are so busy that they barely get to spend any time together just the two of them. If this sounds like you, spending at least 5 minutes a day alone with your husband (being asleep doesn't count!) will help you get started on rebuilding the connection you need.

2. Focus On Love

Many women are so hurt, frustrated, and angry (and understandably so!) when their husbands don't want to have sex with them, that most of their thoughts about their husband end up being pretty negative. If this sounds like you, realize that he can pick up on these emotions, even if you're not expressing them outright to him.

Focus instead about thinking positive, loving thoughts about him during the course of the day-- and especially when you're together. Instead of feeling like Mr. Unwanted, he'll feel wanted and happy to be with you... and that's definitely a must if you want to get your husband interested in sex again.

3. Pamper Yourself

Coping with a sexless marriage has no doubt left you stressed, on edge, and possibly depressed. Top that off with the rest of your hectic life, and chances are that I'd do pretty well to wager that you don't take the best care of yourself.

Making sure to spend some time relaxing, doing something you love, or trying a new hobby will help you feel better physically, give your self-esteem a boost, and help you to be a happier person. All these things will help you get your husband interested in sex because he'll see you as a much more confident, interesting , and attractive woman, and he'll be more inclined to come closer to you emotionally. And like we said, that is what's going to get him interested in sex and intimacy again.

[Vivian]

Whenever I hear a woman say "My husband will not talk about sex," I can almost always be certain of what the next words out of her mouth are going to be. And that is: "Can I possibly fix a sexless marriage by myself?"

This is one of the many frustrating aspects of living in a sexless marriage. So many women in this situation try over and over again to speak to their husbands about the lack or scarcity of sex in their marriage, only to hear a monosyllabic "Everything's fine."

But the good thing is that you don't need your husband to agree to talk about the problem (or even that there is a problem) in order to fix it. Turning a sexless marriage into one filled with warmth, intimacy, and lots of great sex is something that you can do completely on your own-- without a single iota of your husband's help-- or even with him realizing what you're doing.

Alright, I hear you saying. So even though my husband will not talk about sex, I can fix things on my own. But isn't he going to be upset when he realizes what I'm doing? Since he says that everything's fine, isn't he going to be mad that I'm changing the status quo?

Well, you're right. Most husbands who will refuse to even talk about sex would be pretty antagonistic if they realized that their wife was trying to bring back the sex in their marriage without their knowledge or consent. But that's exactly the secret to fixing a sexless marriage when your husband won't work with you. You have to do it so subtly that he won't realize what's going on.

One of the first steps in bringing back the passion, intimacy, and connection to a sexless marriage is to make sure you know exactly what is going on, and what you need to do about it. And there is so much confusion about sexless marriages that many women don't even know where to begin.

[smackie9]

Just a guess....someone is pulling him emotionally in the other direction...possible emotional affair with a coworker. Better do some checking.

[TheDarkOne]

Be patient. Talk to him. Something is bothering him and it might be nothing to do with you. I get like this at times and something usually is on my mind. It may be something he finds embarrassing or hard to talk about. Just don't get angry or upset when he eventually tells you or he'll clam up for good.

[tion]

Thanks for the useful information