Don't know what to do!

[JustUs]

Hello everyone, this is my first post and I need some advice.
I've been married 25 years and have two grown up children at university, my husband is always working and that's been okay as I've always been busy with raising the kids and work myself. About 18 months ago I met someone who is really lovely and we often met for a coffee and a chat, last Christmas he contacted me and told me he had always had feelings for me and I was surprised as he had hidden it so well. We met up to talk about it and I realised I was attracted to him, we started a secret relationship and he gives me everything my husband doesn't and more, in fact he's by far the perfect man in every way.
As the months passed we fell deeply in love and try to spend as much time as we can together. He's having a hard time with our relationship though as sharing me is difficult but has devoted himself to me. I'm so deeply in love with him and want to be together.
The children leaving home has shown me what's missing in my marriage and I'm not really happy. My husband took me away for a long weekend and I hated being away from my lover.
My lover communicates well, making love is amazing and I've never felt love and passion like this in my life. He wants to marry me and wants me to be happy but I don't know what I should do. Should I stick with my husband and just carry on feeling empty or do I choose the man I'm madly and deeply in love with?

[bdog]

It sounds like you have sort of made the decision, but you need help pulling the trigger. Your conflicted feelings make sense to me. Are you concerned about what effect the divorce will have on the children?

[JustUs]

I work for a church and I'm scared I'll lose my job if it ever came out that I was seeing someone else. I just want to do the right thing. My faith tells me it I shouldn't have let it happen in the first place, but my heart says I need my new man more than ever, but I could lose everything if I choose him.

[sarahanry]

if you faith on god you can do everything.

[fera]

your husband is a great man stop seeing that man,you are going to regret your action latter
the man is aware of your marriage and offer to see you in secret,don't you see he might do that to you or even think you can also do that to him?

[JustUs]

your husband is a great man stop seeing that man,you are going to regret your action latter
the man is aware of your marriage and offer to see you in secret,don't you see he might do that to you or even think you can also do that to him?

He isn't like that at all, he had been fighting his feelings for a year before he finally confessed how he felt about me. My marriage is making me feel empty and I don't know if I can live the rest of my life that way. My new man makes me feel alive and we see each other every day and we are so happy.

[Richard]

we started a secret relationship and he gives me everything my husband doesn't and more, in fact he's by far the perfect man in every way.

Relationships are always like this in the beginning, so don't think it will always remain this way. If you reminisce about when you first met your husband, you probably felt this way as well. I will advice you don't get carried away, he isn't as perfect as he seems now.

Should I stick with my husband and just carry on feeling empty or do I choose the man I'm madly and deeply in love with?

It's best to stick with your husband, else you will regret your actions later.

[bdog]

I work for a church and I'm scared I'll lose my job if it ever came out that I was seeing someone else. I just want to do the right thing. My faith tells me it I shouldn't have let it happen in the first place, but my heart says I need my new man more than ever, but I could lose everything if I choose him.

I think religion is one of the reasons, which I consider to be artificial, people stay in a marriage when they otherwise would bail. And, I don't think it's all bad when people choose this. I would say if you can stay in for the children and the greater good, that there isn't anything wrong with making that choice. Having said that, I think the concept of lifetime monogamous love is a myth. And I would say that about your new relationship. Statistically, it probably won't last forever. On the other hand, you only can do what you can do. If your relationship with your husband is impossible for you, then don't you have to throw in the towel?

As for your job and reputation, those are real things for sure. But if you can find a way to come to terms with those realities, you can make your own choices.