Nobody Loves Me

[Museia7]

Hi Everyone.

I am here in a state of dire confusion. I hope someone can offer some sincere advice to get me out of this.

When I meet a girl, everything appears to be going fine. We talk. I ask questions. Tell about myself. We have some laughs. If I see signs of interest I will try to escalate with touch. And I am always polite. But in spite of always having good conversation or maybe dancing a little or a quick kiss, girls simply have no interest in me. They don’t walk away, say insulting things, or throw drinks in my face. When I ask if they want to hang out later, they either say no or give me my number and never answer. I’ve tried speed dating and online dating also. Not one response. I meet so many men who aren’t doing anything with their lives and/or don’t treat women with any respect and they have more love than they know what to do with. My brother can’t even keep a steady job and admits openly that he is using his girlfriend. I just don’t get it.

I think I’ve got a few things that would make me a pretty good candidate for a girl: I have steady work in a family-owned engineering business. I am working on a PhD in anthropology. I’ve visited 36 countries and lived in 4 of them. I was a college professor for two years. I’ve done volunteer work in five countries including food pantry, refugee camp, orphanage, and children’s hospital. I was in a movie. I saved the lives of two Afghan girls (long story). I speak 6 languages. I dance salsa (have taught girls some moves). I practice three types of martial arts. I am learning improv comedy. I have some experience flying airplanes. I go to the gym three times a week.

I want to make a few things very clear before you respond.

First of all, I do not inundate a girl with the information that I have just given you above. I always keep focus on her, ask questions, and validate what she has to say. If I do mention some of these things about myself, it is to make me seem interesting or to highlight similarities between her and myself. I know all about the dangers of showing off.

Second, I am also aware of nonverbal communication. I pay attention to our body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. Some of my friends have watched me while I talk to a girl and say I look confident.

There is only one thing that I can think that’s stopping me - I am currently being treated for PTSD. I think I am doing a good job of hiding it. Most of the people I know say they don’t notice anything and I am capable of starting friendships. Is a woman’s intuition that sharp that they can tell something is wrong? Even if I don’t show any major signs of it?

I hope that someone can provide some sort of insight into this problem. I don’t want to die alone.

[Julia]

You having PTSD has nothing to do with why women don't like you, but I think it has everything to do with you being overly nice.

There are many men that feel they are a "nice guy" and that women are crazy to pass them over. Well, I have some news for you dudes.

Nobody cares that you are "nice."

See, the problem is that "nice" guys put themselves on some sort of pedestal. Nice guys like to think they are superior to other men, that they are better at relationships, and that by virtue of their "niceness" are more deserving of a woman's romantic attentions.

From experience I can tell you that "nice" guys are not as nice as they like to think. Most "nice guys" are whiney, close-minded, judgmental, spineless, controlling, and weak. Women do not like weak, whiney, judgmental men. Ergo, women do not like "nice" guys.

Women want MEN - decisive, action oriented, determined, aggressive. Sadly, sometimes that comes bundled with a liar and a cheat which is what the "nice" guys point to and the reason they say women are crazy.

But who said that every woman SHOULD want a "nice" guy? Who made that a law? Why do "nice" guys condemn women for choosing thrill seeking, impulsive men with a bad boy edge? In other words, choices that exclude "nice" guys?

Being a "nice guy" does not win you any brownie points in the dating game! Never has, never will. You win at dating when you give the opposite sex what they want. Even if a woman is your wife, you still have to have a spine, still stand strong and remain in control of yourself as a man should.

The bottom line that you "nice" guys need to understand is this: when women are young they are not interested in settling down and being serious. Why would a girl want some clingy, overly solicitous codependent around? Young women want to HAVE FUN. And the best men to have fun with are impulsive, thrill seekers that have an edge... males that exude testosterone and inspire passion and desire with their games and lies.

Which is why "nice" guys that project neediness, that go out of their way to please women with the expectation of getting something in return get passed over.

"I was so nice to her, why doesn't she love me?

I deserve to have someone love me more than those players do!" the nice guys say.

No you don't. But if you want to get the girls you need to be the type of guy that never allows a woman to tell him what to do or to control him in any way. Certainly, in a marital partnership there is established trust and decisions are made with input of both parties for the betterment of the family. But we are talking about dating here, not marriage. Just remember, once you allow a woman to have the upper hand in the relationship, she loses respect for you. And when a woman loses respect for a man, she loses her sexual attraction for him as well. She sees you as a brother, and normal people do not feel sexually attracted to their siblings. You are subsequently put in The Friend Zone and you are never coming out. If the two were dating, she will ultimately declare that "he's too nice" and dump him out of boredom.

There is hope for you guys though.

Bad boy types stay exciting for a few years, then most women move on. Once the play is out of their system (just like in guys), people change their perspectives on life. Their choices in lifestyle, dress, and romantic partners change as well.

As a woman heads into her 30s she transitions and begins to look for a husband and father for her children. She will look for slightly different qualities in her mate and put more emphasis and higher value on personal qualities like honesty, work ethic, family values, responsibility, and similar lifestyle than she does on excitement and sex appeal.

However, even if a woman is 50 years old, she does NOT want a weak, whiney, judgmental, superior acting dude! Every woman on this planet wants a guy that she sees as attractive, exciting and sexy - she just wants him to be committed and devoted to her and the kids at the same time.

Finding the right woman for you is simply a matter of you matching whatever it is that a woman is looking for. If you fit her needs, you're in. If you aren't chosen Mr. "Nice" Guy, that simply means you don't fit her needs. No matter how "nice" a guy you might perceive yourself to be, you aren't the RIGHT guy for her.

[Clay]

I know - I understand the way you feel. Not so long ago, I was single and had never been kissed in my entire life. To brief it up, I was a complete chode.

If I saw a beautiful women when I went out, I'd keep staring at her until I creeped her out. I'd sit alone and keep thinking about what to say and what to do. Ultimately, I would do nothing.

It was a hopeless time for me.

But I have a secret for you.

I transformed myself into a man that dates and naturally attracts hot women.

These days if I go out, I'd at least have four hot women approach me. And I'm not even that good looking.

Making girls like you is a skill you learn just like learning to play a guitar. It takes time and practice to improve. But once you do, you'll be performing magic with the women around you.

But I want you to get this:

The Power of Social Proof - People will do things that they see other people are doing. This is social conditioning.

Have you ever seen the Movie Matrix? In the movie, human beings are controlled to follow certain patterns. It's true and all of us are inclined to follow certain patterns.

So if a woman's friends are friendly with you, the girl whom you have your eyes will also like you. It all comes down to social proof.

If a few other hot women are attracted to you, a few more will be drawn towards you and will pay attention towards you.

Depending on the kind of outcome you want and the type of woman you want to attract, you can make use of social proof.

All you have to do is to start off conversations with people. Once you start a conversation, they'll flow and the conversation will flow.

But if you don't want to get blown off for approaching a woman, you have to have the right attitude.

With the right attitude, you can attract a beautiful woman with just "Hi! I'm Tim and I have a crush on you. Let's go dance".

The attitude I'm talking about is the delusional sense of coolness. You must have 100% belief that you are the coolest guy on the planet.

It takes some time to get this into your head and see results. But once you do, it will be magic. The players will begin to respect you. The girls will start admiring you.

So, how to start conversations and gain social proof:

Start off your conversations with a general opinion opener. Something like "Who do you think's gonna win the elections?". Or "Who do you think's gonna win the match today".

And then tell a story about how you are related to something. It doesn't matter even if it's fake.

When they pick a team, ask them "Are you confident?". And tell them that your friend Glenn just bet for $10000 on the opposite team winning. This will shock them and you will have their attention instantly.

Telling stories is a skill that takes time. And once you do, you will be a wizard.

I recommend you read this book here ==> Click here to read it

[Sari]

Ask your brother with some dating tips if his that good. Touching or kissing at the 1st date might be too much for some girls (it is for me) yes even if its asked politely.
Try to build rapport first on the few dates.

[Museia7]

“You having PTSD has nothing to do with why women don't like you, but I think it has everything to do with you being overly nice.”

What gave you the impression that I am overly nice? I said that I am polite, meaning I treat girls with respect. It doesn’t mean that I display myself as desperate (ie: letting the girls make all the decisions or buying drinks after five seconds of talking). I am well aware, as you discuss at length, of the dangers of “nice” behavior. I also know that a wild persona is an asset for many men, but there is some behavior that pretty much all of us can agree is wrong such as how my brother makes his girlfriend pay for every purchase they make together or (as a more extreme example) my neighbor’s boyfriend who was beating her. Regardless of these situations, the girls said that they couldn’t stand to live without these guys. This is not a mere case of a guy being a bit of a badass. It’s flat out wrong. I don’t get it.

To reitorate, my friends have watched me converse with girls and they say I look fine. If I was blatantly showing low value behavior, I think it would have been noticed. It must be something deeper.

[RelationshipIQonline.com]

Sorry to hear this. At one point I felt similar - "Nice guys finish last" - the good news is that this is not true. Reading your post I can tell that you are very intelligent and probably a great catch for many women. I believe I know the answer to your question and how to connect you with it. The deeper thing you are trying to understand is your Temperament. I hate to sound spammy but I have a free video courses that deals with exactly what you are talking about it is the 5th video in the series. Go to relationshipiqonline.com and get the free course. I know what you are going through.

[bdog]

You having PTSD has nothing to do with why women don't like you, but I think it has everything to do with you being overly nice.

There are many men that feel they are a "nice guy" and that women are crazy to pass them over. Well, I have some news for you dudes.

Nobody cares that you are "nice."

See, the problem is that "nice" guys put themselves on some sort of pedestal. Nice guys like to think they are superior to other men, that they are better at relationships, and that by virtue of their "niceness" are more deserving of a woman's romantic attentions.

From experience I can tell you that "nice" guys are not as nice as they like to think. Most "nice guys" are whiney, close-minded, judgmental, spineless, controlling, and weak. Women do not like weak, whiney, judgmental men. Ergo, women do not like "nice" guys.

Women want MEN - decisive, action oriented, determined, aggressive. Sadly, sometimes that comes bundled with a liar and a cheat which is what the "nice" guys point to and the reason they say women are crazy.

But who said that every woman SHOULD want a "nice" guy? Who made that a law? Why do "nice" guys condemn women for choosing thrill seeking, impulsive men with a bad boy edge? In other words, choices that exclude "nice" guys?

Being a "nice guy" does not win you any brownie points in the dating game! Never has, never will. You win at dating when you give the opposite sex what they want. Even if a woman is your wife, you still have to have a spine, still stand strong and remain in control of yourself as a man should.

The bottom line that you "nice" guys need to understand is this: when women are young they are not interested in settling down and being serious. Why would a girl want some clingy, overly solicitous codependent around? Young women want to HAVE FUN. And the best men to have fun with are impulsive, thrill seekers that have an edge... males that exude testosterone and inspire passion and desire with their games and lies.

Which is why "nice" guys that project neediness, that go out of their way to please women with the expectation of getting something in return get passed over.

"I was so nice to her, why doesn't she love me?

I deserve to have someone love me more than those players do!" the nice guys say.

No you don't. But if you want to get the girls you need to be the type of guy that never allows a woman to tell him what to do or to control him in any way. Certainly, in a marital partnership there is established trust and decisions are made with input of both parties for the betterment of the family. But we are talking about dating here, not marriage. Just remember, once you allow a woman to have the upper hand in the relationship, she loses respect for you. And when a woman loses respect for a man, she loses her sexual attraction for him as well. She sees you as a brother, and normal people do not feel sexually attracted to their siblings. You are subsequently put in The Friend Zone and you are never coming out. If the two were dating, she will ultimately declare that "he's too nice" and dump him out of boredom.

There is hope for you guys though.

Bad boy types stay exciting for a few years, then most women move on. Once the play is out of their system (just like in guys), people change their perspectives on life. Their choices in lifestyle, dress, and romantic partners change as well.

As a woman heads into her 30s she transitions and begins to look for a husband and father for her children. She will look for slightly different qualities in her mate and put more emphasis and higher value on personal qualities like honesty, work ethic, family values, responsibility, and similar lifestyle than she does on excitement and sex appeal.

However, even if a woman is 50 years old, she does NOT want a weak, whiney, judgmental, superior acting dude! Every woman on this planet wants a guy that she sees as attractive, exciting and sexy - she just wants him to be committed and devoted to her and the kids at the same time.

Finding the right woman for you is simply a matter of you matching whatever it is that a woman is looking for. If you fit her needs, you're in. If you aren't chosen Mr. "Nice" Guy, that simply means you don't fit her needs. No matter how "nice" a guy you might perceive yourself to be, you aren't the RIGHT guy for her.

This is the most insightful post I've read in a long time (and, Julia, you look amazing in that dress in your profile picture). I actually wish I was less of a nice guy. In the last few years, as a dude in his early to mid 50's, I've dated/slept with more than 10 women age 19-25 and another 5 or so age 25-28 (these included a 1.5 year relationship with a 26yo girl and a 2 month relationship with a 28yo). I look quite a bit younger than I am and I routinely lie about my age. I used to try to date women closer to my age, maybe only 10-15 years younger. I think I am a bit more of a bad boy than I used to be, but I think I could do better, er worse! I think you are very close with your age breakdown for females and as the number 30 rolls around girls often do want something different.

[DonnaBella]

what about your appearance? r u ugly? sorry for that, but girls also pay attention to face and body. Here I'm not talking about being a bodybuilder, but we girls we do pay attention to the body shape and charismatic face) Also, try not to focus much on making girls like you and impress them) just take it easy! talk to girls not like this girl is the only left in this world, or you propose her a marriage or want a sex, just pretend that you have a GF already and you are happy by yourself! but of course don't overdo that! here balance is important)

[derikparle]

Do you like you? Do you believe there's nothing wrong with you?
Assuming you've taken care of the basics, like hygiene, and basic skills like eating without spilling stuff on yourself.
if you are giving off vibes of desperation, they can sense that. The way carnivores can smell fear. Stop being desperate. Like yourself first. Then, like girls. Truly like them. Not just trying to get one. Make your conversations with no strings attached. Try to differentiate, in your mind between, ‘wow, you're great’ and ‘wow, I want you’. Stick to ‘wow, you're great’. And like most things in life, perversely when you least expect it, it will happen. Good luck!

[bdog]

Do you like you? Do you believe there's nothing wrong with you?
Assuming you've taken care of the basics, like hygiene, and basic skills like eating without spilling stuff on yourself.
if you are giving off vibes of desperation, they can sense that. The way carnivores can smell fear. Stop being desperate. Like yourself first. Then, like girls. Truly like them. Not just trying to get one. Make your conversations with no strings attached. Try to differentiate, in your mind between, ‘wow, you're great’ and ‘wow, I want you’. Stick to ‘wow, you're great’. And like most things in life, perversely when you least expect it, it will happen. Good luck!

I don't think "wow, I want you" is always bad. In fact, I've heard that a woman's sensing a man's desire is one of the biggest turn ons. However, I don't know if that is talking about an initial meeting. One thing I'll commend you on, is that it sounds like you are not afraid to talk to girls in person, and that you aren't placing too many hopes on online dating. I am a bit baffled by your lack of success.

One thing that helps me to have more confidence, is if I have someone who is interested in me. It makes it easier for me to meet more women. What if you lower your standards a bit, and try to attract a 6 or a 7, instead of 8s and 9s, for instance? Just throwing it out there.