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Hi all, I am a 31 year-old female - very independent (great career, live alone, nice vehicle, I travel a lot for leisure, etc.). I recently got out of an 8-month relationship. The relationship was empty to me - we didn't spend enough time together and when I would bring it up, it always caused fights and he never could meet my quality time needs. For several months, I had been walking dogs as a side gig (mostly out of boredom, but extra money never hurts). I am now dating one of the guys whose dog I walk. He is wonderful. He spends a ton of time with me, has integrated me into his circle of friends, and we get along really well. We have a ton in common.
He is 36 and recently divorced. He was married for 3.5 years but with the girl for a total of 15. She left him. He says for the last year of their marriage, they didn't interact with one another and it was an empty, absent, lonely situation. He says that he is over her (the divorce was finalized a month ago, but she left him in December) and wants to move on. His communication with me is very clear and genuine so I have no reason not to believe what he says. However, last night was different. He got extremely jealous when we were out because some guy said that he knew me from mutual friends of an ex boyfriend that I had. I did not remember nor recognize this guy. The conversation was short but uncomfortable because it was in front of my new guy. After, my new guy asked me about it so I told him that I briefly dated one of that guy's friends and that I must have a memorable face or something because I didn't remember him or recognize him. Rather than it be dropped, he got extremely jealous and upset and told me that now that he's developed feelings for me, he no longer wants to hear about my past. I defended myself because, to be fair, I didn't bring up my past - the random guy did. And I also defended myself because, well, all I have heard about for months on end is his divorce. I told him that I am understanding of his past and he needs to be understanding of mine because we all have one. He further went on to say that now that he has feelings, when he is out with me, he does not expect other men to approach me - that it's disrespectful and he would get angry with them if they try.
The entire temper tantrum (for lack of a better term) was very uncomfortable for me. He said he is having issues with trust right now and that he is very stressed out. I told him that that is normal and that he should take time to himself to heal. I told him, "I understand that you're going through shit, but it is unfair of you to drag me through it with you. If you are not ready for a relationship, which is very understandable, you need to be honest with me and let me go or this will inevitably crush me because I have already caught feelings." He immediately back-tracked and said that he is fine, that he will figure it out as he goes along, that he doesn't want me to go anywhere, that his intention is not to hurt me but to be with me, that he's been sad when I am not around and he hasn't felt that way in a long time, etc.
Up until last night, I was not questioning what he and I are doing/have going. I, personally, do not need time to heal from my recent breakup because I was emotionally checked out months before I actually ended it. Also, it was an emotionally void relationship and I never had strong feelings toward my ex. After what happened last night, though, I have a pit in my stomach, I have cried, and now I am unsure what to do. To top it off, he apologized for last night and then bought me a bike (????) - we have never discussed cycling and for some reason, the whole situation is off-putting and triggering my anxiety.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Please keep in mind that I have genuine feelings for this guy and I think that he has genuine feelings for me....I just do not think that he is ready to handle those feelings.
He is 36 and recently divorced. He was married for 3.5 years but with the girl for a total of 15. She left him. He says for the last year of their marriage, they didn't interact with one another and it was an empty, absent, lonely situation. He says that he is over her (the divorce was finalized a month ago, but she left him in December) and wants to move on. His communication with me is very clear and genuine so I have no reason not to believe what he says. However, last night was different. He got extremely jealous when we were out because some guy said that he knew me from mutual friends of an ex boyfriend that I had. I did not remember nor recognize this guy. The conversation was short but uncomfortable because it was in front of my new guy. After, my new guy asked me about it so I told him that I briefly dated one of that guy's friends and that I must have a memorable face or something because I didn't remember him or recognize him. Rather than it be dropped, he got extremely jealous and upset and told me that now that he's developed feelings for me, he no longer wants to hear about my past. I defended myself because, to be fair, I didn't bring up my past - the random guy did. And I also defended myself because, well, all I have heard about for months on end is his divorce. I told him that I am understanding of his past and he needs to be understanding of mine because we all have one. He further went on to say that now that he has feelings, when he is out with me, he does not expect other men to approach me - that it's disrespectful and he would get angry with them if they try.
The entire temper tantrum (for lack of a better term) was very uncomfortable for me. He said he is having issues with trust right now and that he is very stressed out. I told him that that is normal and that he should take time to himself to heal. I told him, "I understand that you're going through shit, but it is unfair of you to drag me through it with you. If you are not ready for a relationship, which is very understandable, you need to be honest with me and let me go or this will inevitably crush me because I have already caught feelings." He immediately back-tracked and said that he is fine, that he will figure it out as he goes along, that he doesn't want me to go anywhere, that his intention is not to hurt me but to be with me, that he's been sad when I am not around and he hasn't felt that way in a long time, etc.
Up until last night, I was not questioning what he and I are doing/have going. I, personally, do not need time to heal from my recent breakup because I was emotionally checked out months before I actually ended it. Also, it was an emotionally void relationship and I never had strong feelings toward my ex. After what happened last night, though, I have a pit in my stomach, I have cried, and now I am unsure what to do. To top it off, he apologized for last night and then bought me a bike (????) - we have never discussed cycling and for some reason, the whole situation is off-putting and triggering my anxiety.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Please keep in mind that I have genuine feelings for this guy and I think that he has genuine feelings for me....I just do not think that he is ready to handle those feelings.
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