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Should I take an initiative ?

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  • Should I take an initiative ?

    I fell in love in my former professor. I am 22 y.o and he is 33 y.o. He is a chemist scientist who spends most of his life on research, publishing articles, and making experiments. As I know he doesn’t have neither wife nor girlfriend. He was never married. He doesn’t drink alcohol. He is very responsible and self-controlling person. I am not sure about whether he ever had a girlfriend?




    When I was taking his class, he helped me a lot, so I was very grateful to him. He showed many signs that he is attracted to me like he was always looking at me during class time, he was joking a lot and looking the way I reacted to it, he was teasing me and I just naturally felt his strong attraction to me. My best friend also noticed his special attitude to me. However, after a couple of time my professor told me that I lack life experience. At that time I didn’t seriously take it. Then I realized what he meant. He actually was saying that I am immature and probably childish for him. But still even after passing his course I saw him in the uni and I fell his attraction to me.




    I also started to study French and thus asked him for a help. He is native French speaker. He agreed to help me. We were supposed to have a class during which we can speak French. On that day he invited to our class his colleague who is also a French-native speaker. So the three of us went to a coffee house and talked in French. When introducing me to his colleague, my professor told that I am seeking a husband in France; to which I rashly responded that I am not going to marry in my next 10 years because I want to make my career ( I am from very traditional central asian country where girls usually marry early). He was laughing at it and during our conversation he mentioned again about marriage. I don’t know was it a sign ? But he always teased me, so I didn’t pay attention.




    Also, I noticed that when we are alone, both of us feel a bit awkward when it comes to speak bout something different from lectures or class.




    Once me and my mother went to a restaurant where he was sitting with his friends and colleagues. He noticed me and got scared. At first I didn’t notice him but then I felt that someone was staring at me and then hiding after the door. They were sitting in one private room, so when they finished, he went out and wanted to pass unnoticed. Then I saw him and said hi and then introduced my mother to him. He turned red and was very shy. Even my mom noticed it and told me that my professor is very shy. All those small occasions showed me that he is not indifferent to me. My feelings grew up to him every day. But then I suddenly heart that he is leaving because he accepted a new position in other uni in London. I was very sad about it. I decided to forget him. However, I failed.




    After half a year he came to our uni again because of his work and gave a lecture as a guest in our uni to which I came. And guess what? I still like him. He was again looking at me, joking a lot and teasing. I am sure that he related to me different as to other students, female-students. There is definitely something more what he feels for me than just as a professor to his probably favorite student. He arrived only for a week and then he left again.




    I recently graduated from that uni and now I am planning to proceed my studying in London. It’s not just because of him. My decision was mainly based on the quality of education. But the fact that he lives there now pushes me to try to start relationships with him. I really do like him a lot. I want to know him better. But from his side there was no initiative which I explained to myself as his shyness or uncertainty and also academic restrictions on the romantic relationships between prof and students.




    So can you help me by giving me advice and telling whether it is ok if I take initiative and start dating him ??????? And what kind of tips can you give me?????

  • #2
    From all you have said, there is a clear sign that he likes you. However, he probably doesn't want to make a move towards a romantic relationship because of his position as a professor / lecture relationship he has with you as a student. Also, probably because he is shy to do make the move.

    Dating a shy guy can be a bit of a challenge. But if you really like the guy then all the hurdles can be overcome and you can get relationship bliss. Here are a few things that you will need if you want to know how to date a shy guy.

    Be a little low key
    You will have to be a little low key if you want to date a shy guy. A shy guy definitely doesn't want all the attention to be on him so don't try any attention grabbing activities when you are with your man.

    Be patient
    Some things take a little more patience than others and dating a shy guy is one such thing. You will need to be very patient so that he can comfortably come out of his shell with you. Be prepared to take the initiative for any activity till you know you are in his inner circle.

    Spend some time alone
    Joint dates or going out with a group of friends and making him tag along is torture for him, at least initially. In the initial stages of dating spend time alone with him. In fact get him to feel comfortable by going for movies or the theatre where you don't have to talk too much. Let him first get comfortable with your physical presence.

    Talk about things he likes
    Gradually start talking to him about the things that he likes doing. Read up and exchange notes on his hobbies and interests. That way he'll know that he doesn't bore you. Don't go on talking all the time as that might not be what he's looking for.

    Probe gently
    You will have to probe and get out the information that you want. While you will have to ask questions make sure that you don't make him feel like he's being questioned in prison. So, don't be aggressive in your attitude and questions. Be soft spoken and never make him feel judged.

    Talk about yourself
    If you feel that the silence is looming large then you need to fill it up. Don't be a chatterbox but talk to him about yourself. Let him know what you like and don't. Don't come across as too opinionated as that might put him on the defensive.

    Never intimidate him
    When you are put with a shy guy you have to take care that you don't intimidate him. If he likes being in the background then never compel him to come forward. Let him stay in his comfort zone and gradually in his own time he will begin to open up.

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    • #3

      Shy guys have the dual characteristics of being mysteriously alluring and yet hard to get a hold of. Their shyness comes off as sweet, comforting, and endearing, making them a nice break from the machismo that appears in too many of the world's men today. As charming as this reserved nature can be it also has the unfortunate side effect of potentially crippling any attempts at dating. Quite often a shy girl and guy would work beautifully together in a relationship, but the problem lies in neither one of them being forward enough to act on their feelings. Sometimes a person simply has to buckle down and bite the bullet in order to get what they want. Here are some tips to help you figure out how to date a shy guy.

      For a lady who has her eye on a shy guy, whether she possesses this same quality or not, remaining low key is essential. Becoming his friend first is the best way to approach dating a timid fellow because it allows him to get to know a girl in the more comfortable and pressure free environment of friendship, increasing the chances that he will open up. Patience is necessary when courting a shy guy because it will take time for him to trust a girl and feel relaxed enough in her presence to reveal his true self. A lot of patience is needed for a girl who has a more social personality since her tight lipped man will most likely not be knocking people over with his witty banter and charm at parties. Have patience as you learn how to date a shy guy.

      Dating a shy guy is kind of like dancing the tango, it is a series of delicate steps and subtle, tricky movements, but the end product is worth every little effort. Instead of being frustrated by his inability to work a room filled with friends and family, a woman should see her quiet man as her own secret treasure, a gift that only a few special people get to see. Having a reserved guy open up is like watching a beautiful flower bloom, it may take a while and others might lose interest, but for those who stick it out, the beauty and unique nature of the flower is reward enough. A person just needs a little perseverance in order to experience the beauty for themselves.

      For women who do not share the same characteristic shyness as their mate it is important to bear in mind how their behavior affects him. While not changing who they are, the more socially apt woman just needs to remember that her guy would most likely prefer to be left in the background and when they are at social events it would probably be better to simply let him exist in his sphere of comfort. Though seemingly opposites, a shy man and a somewhat extroverted woman could make a wonderful pairing with each pulling the other in a new personal direction, showing them a side to life never before seen or considered. Learning how to date a shy guy might take a little extra work and patience, but their potential makes it all the more worthwhile.

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