Right thing to do?

[SaltySweet]

Hello! I'm feeling really young in my life, since I'm only 21, but at the same time I'm feeling old enough that I don't want to wait forever on people that will lead nowhere. I really want someone I can treasure dearly (and feel appreciated by) if I'm going to be tied down at all.

Which is my dilemma, I guess?

Because I so rarely get a crush, let alone a desire to pursue it. So when I met this girl I was completely head over heels for and for the first time ever /I/ was the pursuer in a relationship I felt... really validated in the relationship, because of my own investment and desire to be in it. It made me feel like I was at least not going to be wasting her time. We've been taking things slow, gradually going somewhere, she was really happy when I confessed to her and agreed to go on a few dates with me in a couple months when she visits where I live (since we live quite a ways from each other) and I was absolutely elated. You might be sensing a 'but'. Well, here it is;

Over time I kept progressing, and she feels like she's at this standstill until we reach those dates.
I've voiced how I no longer even toy with the notion of accepting a date when I'm asked out and I instead politely tell people that there's already someone. She hasn't ever implied she wouldn't go for it if someone else didn't catch her eye, it's just that someone else hasn't asked her out and caught her eye. I share stories about my daily life, she knows my friends names and what's going on with my family because these things just slip from me when we've been talking for awhile. She only tells me things that directly concern me, like if she's going somewhere so she wont be around to talk or if she can't be peppy with me because something is going on, but if it didn't concern me then I'd never know and she probably wouldn't share until I was super direct with asking- but even then she may dance around the subject at times.

This is sooooo frustrating to me because even my casual friends want me to be more involved with them than this girl is letting me be with her. And I try to hint? But I don't know, I think she just isn't ready to let me in that much until we go on those dates... like some kind of self defense mechanism to keep her from being too disappointed if we don't match up right. And I know we aren't a perfect fit. She's seeking an idea in a relationship, where as I greatly dislike when people date ideas of people because it's never about getting to know a person you care for then! It's about finding 'a certain something' that doesn't always work out... and I know I'm not exactly what her perfect image of a partner is. But I /do/ know that she loves me, I'm special to her, she's clinging to me in her own way and she appreciates how I am with her even if I'm not ideal. I love her, I love her personality and how she offsets my flaws. I have some tendencies like bottling things up (typical stuff) and she's always had the right way of bringing things up before I notice and can address it myself, helping me out before there's an issue. She's so good for me, but I feel like she'll be expecting me to compromise who I am to better fit into her ideals (and she's definitely not the sort to go out of her own way to make herself be/do things that aren't to her own tastes) and I have no way of nicely bringing this up.

Now, you're probably questioning how I let myself get into such an awkward situation that leaves me feeling like things are all sorts of imbalanced until months from now (When things will probably progress and we'll figure out where we fit with each other, I can find out if this is all in my head, ect). The simple answer to that is that I didn't want to rush her, and I had time! There was no one at all who I was interested in.

No one until a door opened up a few weeks ago. I used to have a huge thing for this girl over a year ago but my crush naturally fizzled out and I preferred her as a friend. She's my ideal person for a relationship, if I ignore how we may actually fit together personality wise (though, over a year later, we're practically bffs and the synergy between us is great). She's outgoing (where as the girl I'm attached to is shy), giving (where as the girl I'm attached to seems to want what she wants), has deep conversations with me about her views, her goals for improving herself, what's going on in her life. When she finds new things out about me or sees another layer of who I am, she practically celebrates her better understanding. I completely feel like she likes who I am, so she likes learning about what makes me 'me', opposed to me feeling scared that I'll end up slipping off a pedestal when I turn out to have actually be me all along! And this person confessed to me. Poured her heart out and then backed away because she knew I didn't see her that way but she just needed to get her cards on the table before it drove her nuts.

I... don't know how I feel anymore. I'm confused. I had been wishing the girl I like was someone I could be frank with, who I could talk deeply with, who would let me in and be in it for who I am rather than stressing over if she's just settling for what's good enough (me, right now), and now here this person who is everything I've been wanting the girl I like to be, confessing to me. But I don't think I like my close friend (Though I feel like we can have something great if I gave it a chance)? I /like/ the girl who I'll be going on dates with, I just want to be at a point with her where we can have these things that are important to me. I think the main thing I'm unsure about is that I /could/ like my close friend. I could date her, get to know her romantically, rekindle old sparks, or I can date other people! I get asked out every now and then. Things might progress to what I want before the day rolls around that the girl I like would be visiting. But then I'd definitely lose this person I like because I feel like taking back what I said on not dating other people would rub her the wrong way, and I don't know... I feel like i'm gambling on my romantic life. If things don't go well with this girl, it wasn't worth it at all, but I'll never know if they don't go well if I don't reach that point. So I'm kind of... emotionally "stuck", between wanting to foster things with a person that I'm growing increasingly so unsure about and wanting my romantic freedom back. It's not even about "do I go with the first girl or the second", since I wouldn't be able to date this person who cares so much about me unless I was serious -anything less would feel like I'm toying with her. It's about all my feelings of how one-sided my relationship feels slapping me in the face and about not being sure if I should see where this leads or cut my losses short while I still can, or about not knowing the words I should use to convey how I'm feeling to the girl I like without ruining everything I have with her because honestly I'd love to be able to be open with her and find reassurance /from her/ but I just don't know how. I feel like it's really like she's treating this more casually until the dates come around and the difference is that I'm in it deeper than she is.

Aah, relationships can be tough! And I've never been on this end before, it's so different.
Anyway, I'm appreciative of the forum to vent into. All my friends have bad luck with getting people to like them at all and would just scowl at me if I got this off my chest, but I feel like my emotions still have weight even if I have people liking me romantically, and I still crave expressing what's bothering me when things are bothering me, so thank you.

[Anthony]

Here's the cold, hard truth - getting dates, while could be difficult to some guys, is the easy part. The difficult part is when you decide that you want to be with her, and want to confess your feelings. This is the biggest difficulty that most guys face in an early relationship - because they worry that they cannot get a positive response from the girl. Nobody likes to be rejected.

But don't fret - here comes the cure. But before I share that with you, you must first realize that rejection is the direct consequence of how you tackle the situation. This is why you have to know the secrets in making a girl say that she likes you back when you confess your feelings to her.

Three Tips On How To Tell A Girl You Like Her (And Make Her Like You Back)

Tip 1 - "It's all about timing". The fact is that if you tell her "I love you" at the wrong time, then your chances with her will be ruined. Beware! Timing has got probably the strongest influence on your chances to get a girl to say that she likes you back.

Tip 2 - "Use body language". Women often pick up non-verbal queues very easily - so she will know whether you like her or not often from your body language. Once you have 'purposely' shown her that you like her through your body language, then it will make things very easy.

Tip 3 - "Hypnotize her!" If everything else do not work for you, then you can consider using hypnosis techniques to make her like you back. Using a trick called 'fractionation', you can make her feel emotionally dependent on you - in such a way that she will not be able to be without you for long.

Before you use hypnosis, you must heed this warning...

Fractionation is considered as a 'dark art' tactic which is the basis of hypnosis-based seduction. While controversial, it is known to be one of the most effective tactics ever invented by underground seductionists.

[Alexa]

Finding out if a girl's feelings for you are genuine would probably be one of the hardest things for you to figure out. See, if you cannot figure out whether a girl actually fancies you or is merely playing with your head, then it would be impossible for you to actually take things further with her.

Because of this, it would be absolutely essential to find out for certain whether she has feelings for you or not. Do not worry, though; we are here to help. Here are several guaranteed ways to completely decipher whether a girl fancies you or not. Keep reading to find out these techniques and reach outstanding results...

How To Really Know If A Woman Likes You - Does She Show These 3 Killer Attraction Signals

Sign 1: She will touch your hand as she talks. Take note that this will seem natural and not rehearsed, as you might think. When a woman touches you, it means that she likes you - simply because a woman will NEVER want to touch someone she dislikes or is just indifferent over.

Sign 2: She will tilt her head as she talks to you. Plus, if she fiddles with her hair as she does so, you should know that the prize is all yours to take.

When she tilts her head and plays with her hair, it is an "animalistic" sign that she is displaying her femininity to you. When she shows these signs, you can be sure that she likes you.

Sign 3: She gets very excited and enthusiastic whenever you are there. She may also show bits of discomfort and self-consciousness while she's at it.

This is a mix of both happiness and nervousness - which will get her to feel goosebumps in her stomach. When she feels that, then no matter what you do or say, you will look great in her eyes.

Now that you have figured out how she truly feels about you, what can you do to take things even further? It's easy: use hypnosis. One thing you could focus on is the tactic of hypnosis known as 'fractionation'.

This tactic involves sending a girl on a roller coaster of emotions and making her feel pleasure and pain alternately, quickly anchoring any positive and pleasurable states towards you. This will result in her becoming emotionally dependent on you in no time.

The fractionation tactic comes in a two-step formula which any guy can use to make a woman fall in love quickly - often in 15 minutes or even less. The great thing about the fractionation formula is that anyone can use it with great success - even for a guy with little or no experience in dating and seducing women. Killer tactic indeed.

[Banshee]

I don't believe in hypnosis and I've never heard of fractionation, but I wouldn't pay anyone to learn these "techniques." People who don't want to be hypnotized can't be.

But back to you: things are not the way you want them to be; they are what they are. I think you're missing an opportunity by not dating that delightful young woman who you consider only a friend. It seems to me that she is very fond of you, while the girl you're crazy about is clearly NOT all in for you. Don't give your heart to someone who is not even sure she wants to be with you.

[NoahJones]

Agree with Banshee... Hypnosis is real. But if u care about not being hypnotized, u wont.

[Banshee]

I don't know. I had hypnosis to quit smoking, and honestly, I wanted it to work. It just didn't. So I'm still skeptical. I did eventually quit though. Delayed reaction?