Dating Other Guys to Get Him to Commit To Me?

[Elizabeth]

Here's my question:

My boyfriend and I have been on a break from each other.

I thought that if he thinks I'm dating other guys, the competition will pique his interest and get him to commit to me.

But no - competition has resulted in my man taking hard action.

He's retaliating with a heavy attack of seeing, flirting and even sleeping with other women.

I feel like he's doing this just to pay me back for dating other guys.

Usually when this happens, I am the first one to initiate contact - at which point he will come back running

Seeing other people simply isn't the answer because it is causing hurt and distance in our case.

Being with someone else is not the answer for me, because it's for all the wrong reasons.

I meet many men who are attracted to me, but they never measure up to what I require in a life partner - he is the only person who has.

So this tactic of dating other guys has brought me nothing but heartache.

Your thoughts please?

[Vivian]

This may be hard to hear, but let's cut to the chase - to save you further heartache.

You agreed to see other people - hoping this would bring him closer, but it didn't.

Then you say that seeing other people doesn't work.

Actually, seeing others works like a charm - for HIM!

As soon as he does this, you immediately start doing all the work to get him back.

You're the one thinking about him, instead of branching out, like he's doing.

He doesn't call you - so you call him. Ouch!

There's no sense in telling him that he can see other people if you're going to cave in and run after him the minute he does!

The real problem is that you know what you want, but you don't know how to get it.

There is a better way to bring about a commitment between two people who are ready - but one person is having trouble making that leap.

[Jerome]

If you want make your man to commit to you and date you exclusively, make sure you remain interesting to him. Maintain your friendships outside of your relationship, see your girlfriends on a regular basis. Maybe make him aware of a platonic guy friend or two within your group. If he shows any sign of discomfort at that thought, he's already halfway to committing to you anyway.

You don't have to check with your guy before making plans with your friends, but how about asking him anyway to see how he reacts? Plan a weekend away somewhere with a girlfriend then say to him, would you mind if I go away with Lisa on the 18th? He might be taken aback at being asked, and it will start to sink in that you see him as more than a casual date.

It also helps if you can be unavailable every now and then. Don't go out of your way to ignore his calls or hide behind the couch when he calls at your house, just don't be there immediately every time he wants to see you. Make sure he's aware that you are busy and that he's lucky to be in your company. This is a good way to see if it's likely that you can make your man commit to you. If he's a little put out that you're not always there, that's a good thing.

If your guy isn't too worried about where you are or who you're with, either he's just not ready to commit yet or perhaps he's not the one for you. If you don't want to wait any longer, say to him that you have been dating him exclusively for a while now and is he ready to do the same for you.

If he's not prepared to give up dating other girls, you need to decide whether to give him more time or not. Remember that there are loads of guys out there and the one for you might still be waiting to be found. If you really can't make your man commit, be open to moving on to see who else is out there. Who knows, maybe that's the push he needs to give up those other girls and take your relationship to the next level.

[Nate]

By using reverse psychology, you will be able to make your guy commit to you.

Step #1: Realize he's not the only guy in the world.

Once you come to this realization, you will act differently around your guy. You won't be so desperate and it will be reflected in your attitude. Take time to notice other guys in the world and realize fully that your current boyfriend is lucky to have you as his girl.

Step #2: Try to spend less time together.

Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder. If you pull back slightly and make sure you're not always available to him, he will notice and want to be with you more. If he asks you what is wrong, just tell him you have been busy and that everything is fine. If he wants to spend more time together, he will quickly understand that he needs to forge a firmer commitment to you. You don't have to explain this to him; he will instinctively know that you are a free woman.

Step #3: Less kissing, more talking.

By diminishing the physical aspects of your relationship, you will be forcing him to think about how he feels about you and how he misses you physically. He will be more open to discussions and plans for the future once he realizes that he can't experience all of you until he professes a full commitment to you. By pulling back physically, you will be making him commit.

Step #4: Go out with another guy.

Force yourself to get out there and enjoy the presence of other men. It doesn't have to be a physical relationship, but you can certainly spend time with other guys and have fun together. Even spending time with a good male friend will be good for you. Once your guy sees you enjoying other men, he will think twice about his reluctance to commit and will be ready to take the plunge.

Although these four steps may seem like the opposite of what you should be doing, they are reverse psychology to a guy and will bring positive results. As you work through them, you will notice that your man desires to spend more and more time together. Congratulations! You have made him commit.

[Elizabeth]

I'm so grateful for all the answers I got on this forum. Thanks for you all your advice.