Girlfriend Crazy Mother

[Car_Soup]

Background
So before I even start this, I want everyone to know both my age and my girlfriends age. I am a 19 year old and she is 16. Yes I know it seems bad because our priorities and maturity level are different. I'm not going to deny that we don't differ in priorities and maturity because we do. She had substance abuse problems with Xanax, and I have since helped her past the width drawls. However she still struggles with thoughts of going back etc. She also suffers from de-realization, depression, and surrealism. Probably as a result of her Xanax abuse, but I digress. She treats me like shit when she hits a depressive swing, telling me "fuck you" when I'm trying to help her feel better. Physically pushing me away when I try to comfort her with a hug. Among other things

Personally I struggle with the ability to manipulate people well. I learned this from my father and mother, and it kills me to know what I can get what I want out of people by manipulating them emotionally. I try my hardest and I have not manipulated my girlfriend up until her birthday on June 25th of 2018. I also hung around a very bad crowd that was into LSD and Marijuana, although I never did anything. I also struggle with the ability to become insanely enraged.

We have been together for a year.

Story Time
With all this in mind he mother is a complete fucking (pardon my french I took Spanish in High School) nightmare. Her mother is a complete religious nut. She literally prays about everything bad in her life, and believes that all bad in life is summed up into Satan. She was addicted to Meth at one point and suddenly started going to church and "God helped me out of that dark hole in my life, and my struggle with Meth." Which I'm not going to say didn't help her, as churches do have a good healthy environment for people who struggle.
So one day, her daughter, my girlfriend, finally came to her to talk to her about her Xanax abuse in the past and struggles with depression. Her mom basically wrapped it up to "those thoughts are the devil and I'm going to get you a christian family counselor." Which did fuck all. Praying and this stupid fucking counselor (which can't help her because of the damage her mother has done to her as a child) haven't done shit. Recently her birthday rolled around, and her mother bought her a fucking vape. Which has to be the most unhealthy mother daughter relationship I've even seen. Her mother is just so...irresponsible with her children. She cannot parent worth a damn. Granted the juice does not have nicotine, and if done in a healthy environment, can teach her a valuable lesson about things like drinking.
The moment I found out she had a Vape, I asked her politely to tell her mom to return it. As Vapes are glorified by drug culture, and I think it a bad idea. As she kept trying to reassure me my concerns just turned into 100% pure unadulterated rage. I gave her an ultimatum "It's the vape or me." Which I said over the phone, and had to quickly rush to see her to apologize for my fuck up. Which I didn't do. I just made the situation worse, and eventually she told her mother. She then confronted me and told me that she did her "research" on it which I know she didn't do, and I was still angry so I inadvertently voiced my concerns with it to her mom in a somewhat polite way. She basically told me that my concerns of this causing my girlfriend to relapse could be avoided if we just teach her to vape responsibly, give her positive affirmation, and pray.
I owe them both a huge apology for the way I handled it, which I have since given to my girlfriend not her mother....yet begrudgingly. I could have handled the situation far better than I did.

My Questions
I honestly have no idea what to do. I feel like I have to constantly pacify my girlfriends depressive episodes so she doesn't relapse (which at this point she does not want to do.) Like I am just a glorified baby sitter or care taker. What do I do?
What do I do about this vape thing, do I leave? Because it is an extremely unhealthy family dynamic for her mother to be giving her something she cannot even legally have in possession. Do I stay because she can be taught to do it in a healthy way until her fascination with it ends?
Do I listen to my families advice to just leave because she is trouble?
I have no idea what to do and I'm struggling, and I battle everyday just to go to sleep or wake up.

[Tina]

Her mom giving her a vape as a gift is a bad idea, it's simply going to make her crave more for Xanax.

However, I will advice you leave her and get yourself another girl to save yourself from all these headache. She's simply bringing in more trouble to your life, and she isn't willing to change despite your effort to make her stop her addiction.

[Richard]

Many times when a person hears the words "substance abuse" they only think in the terms using drugs, both legal prescriptions and illegal, excessively but it can also include alcohol. It is often seen as an illness or medical condition that will require treatment. Using therapy is one type of treatment that could be effective. Therapy can be either individual or done in a group. During therapy they learn how to identify any destructive behavior that causes then to have this problem. They also learn how to avoid these behaviors. One way to do this is to practice positive behavior using role-playing sessions. They also learn how to use a support system.

Therapy for substance abuse addiction is generally aimed at help you work through denial because many deny that they have a substance abuse problem. They deny that there is nothing wrong with their behavior and that they can stop at anytime on their own using the substance they are addicted too. Unfortunately, this is generally not true and they find they cannot put a stop to using the substance on their own. Because they do not believe that they have a problem they may not even try to stop. With therapy it could help them to see the problem and start taking steps needed to change.

In substance abuse addiction therapy it can also involve learning about the different destructive behaviors and the consequences that result from the behaviors. Therapy may help them recognize their own unacceptable behavior and admit they have a problem. It could also help them see how the behavior is not only damaging to themselves but also what it is doing to others such as family and friends. The therapy's goal is to help them end their pattern of destructive behavior and replace those patterns with positive ones.

On part of therapy may be role-playing. One example of role-playing is engaging the one with the addiction in exercises while someone else attempts to convince them to use a substance and the one addicted will practice how to refuse their efforts to get them back taking the substance. This is a way for the abuser to practice and build their refusal skills.

A very important part of substance abuse addiction therapy is having a support system. It can be a challenge to battle your substance abuse addiction alone. It also requires commitment to becoming substance abuse free. With support there is someone there to help encourage them to stay on the path to becoming addiction free. Therapy also can include individual therapy in which they will meet with the therapist alone. They also use group therapy that can involve family members or groups of substance abusers that are on the path to being addiction free or already there.