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I've been with my bf for around 5 years. When we first started dating, we had a great relationship and would spend hours laughing, talking, and doing things we both love together (biking, hiking, etc.). 1 year and 7 months ago, a traumatic event happened to him in which he was beaten up. He is still recovering and has PTSD and our relationship has deteriorated. He is seeking help for his PTSD and we are seeing a couple's therapist, but I'm exhausted and at my wits end. He was always very messy, but after the incident it became even worse - he stopped cleaning his place and taking care of himself and just sat around playing video games most of the day. He chose to take time off from work before I met him and has never worked since I've known him - but he supports himself with investments, savings, etc.
I started cleaning up for him a lot more after the incident and he would rarely help me clean. He'd just sit and play games while I cleaned. So, I stopped cleaning up after him and will only clean if he helps. I was also there emotionally for him many months after the incident and ran errands for him, helped him get around (he had bad vision after the beating), and was pretty much the main person in his life helping him out. I say all of this because I have very little patience anymore to wait around and see if he gets better.
The main issue now is that he's in his early 40s and won't plan for the future, because he says that his PTSD prevents him from thinking ahead. I'm in my late 30s and want a family, and it's been very difficult to not plan for the future at all with him. When I mention breaking up he becomes very upset and clearly doesn't want to.
I've made additional girlfriends which has helped me deal with everything. However, often my closer girlfriend will invite me to group hangouts (movies in the park, dinner parties at her house) and there are sometimes guys attending these hangouts. My boyfriend attended one of these and noticed a guy, let's call him "David" talking to me and was very upset. I wasn't flirting in any way, but he said that I should have shut down the conversation right away. I believe David may have been interested in me, but I didn't encourage him and was just polite and maintained a short, friendly conversation. He said that David gave him a dirty look and really seems to have it out for this guy in particular (though he complained about the other guy at the hangout too). Now, whenever I hangout with more than just my girlfriend (group of people) he tells me that if David is there, I need to leave. Or he says I should ask who will be there and that if David is there, I shouldn't go. He says that if I respect the relationship enough, I won't hang out in a group setting if the guy he thinks was hitting on me is there. This guy who was talking to me is dating someone and there's no way in hell I would entertain anything with him, so I don't get what the concern is.
My feeling is that I can't control how other people act, but I'm a big girl and can control how I respond to people and as long as I'm not flirting or coming on to guys, then I shouldn't avoid hanging out with my friends because there might be a few guys in the group. My bf says that I am not being respectful if I go to these hangouts against his wishes - I ask him to come and he doesn't want to most of the time (he is a bit of a recluse these days) so I feel stuck. My gut tells me to hang out with my friends and not enable his behavior - but I also doubt myself and want to respect his wishes.
Does anyone have advise for this sort of situation?
I started cleaning up for him a lot more after the incident and he would rarely help me clean. He'd just sit and play games while I cleaned. So, I stopped cleaning up after him and will only clean if he helps. I was also there emotionally for him many months after the incident and ran errands for him, helped him get around (he had bad vision after the beating), and was pretty much the main person in his life helping him out. I say all of this because I have very little patience anymore to wait around and see if he gets better.
The main issue now is that he's in his early 40s and won't plan for the future, because he says that his PTSD prevents him from thinking ahead. I'm in my late 30s and want a family, and it's been very difficult to not plan for the future at all with him. When I mention breaking up he becomes very upset and clearly doesn't want to.
I've made additional girlfriends which has helped me deal with everything. However, often my closer girlfriend will invite me to group hangouts (movies in the park, dinner parties at her house) and there are sometimes guys attending these hangouts. My boyfriend attended one of these and noticed a guy, let's call him "David" talking to me and was very upset. I wasn't flirting in any way, but he said that I should have shut down the conversation right away. I believe David may have been interested in me, but I didn't encourage him and was just polite and maintained a short, friendly conversation. He said that David gave him a dirty look and really seems to have it out for this guy in particular (though he complained about the other guy at the hangout too). Now, whenever I hangout with more than just my girlfriend (group of people) he tells me that if David is there, I need to leave. Or he says I should ask who will be there and that if David is there, I shouldn't go. He says that if I respect the relationship enough, I won't hang out in a group setting if the guy he thinks was hitting on me is there. This guy who was talking to me is dating someone and there's no way in hell I would entertain anything with him, so I don't get what the concern is.
My feeling is that I can't control how other people act, but I'm a big girl and can control how I respond to people and as long as I'm not flirting or coming on to guys, then I shouldn't avoid hanging out with my friends because there might be a few guys in the group. My bf says that I am not being respectful if I go to these hangouts against his wishes - I ask him to come and he doesn't want to most of the time (he is a bit of a recluse these days) so I feel stuck. My gut tells me to hang out with my friends and not enable his behavior - but I also doubt myself and want to respect his wishes.
Does anyone have advise for this sort of situation?
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