Have I made a mistake

[Shygirl]

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we've just moved into our first home together but I'm beginning to have doubts about if it was the right choice. We never have sex, it's been that long that I can't even remember the last time. Before we moved in together he would always kiss me when he saw me or left me and we'd always cuddle up on the sofa and watch TV and kiss and cuddle in bed before we went to sleep but now we live together he doesnt come near me or show me any affection. Am I being silly for getting upset about this or does he not want me and I've made a mistake.. I know when you've been in a relationship for a long time that the passion does fade but does it fade cometely?

[Michael]

Moving in together with him wasn't so much of a bad idea. However, I think he dealing with things he isn't telling you about or has fallen out of love with you.

Whatever the case may be, I suggest you have a one-on-one talk with him about your feelings. Simply be open with him and demand to know why he isn't affectionate anymore.

[Nora]

Intuitively, a woman knows that something must be going on when a man they love suddenly or gradually stops being affectionate with her. It's a big deal because we've been taught from a young age, that men are physical creatures and have a strong desire for sex and physical intimacy. And it's true. Men love being physically affectionate and intimate when they're in love.

Hence, if your boyfriend has stopped being affectionate with you for some time now, all kinds of warning signals could be going off in your head. You may start to wonder:

• Is it because he's stressed?
• Is it because he's having an affair?
• Am I doing something wrong?
• Is he pulling away because he doesn't love me anymore?
• Do I need to be more sexy?
• What can I do to make him more affectionate?
• etc.

While all your thoughts are valid, the first thing you need to do right now, is to stop worrying. And here's why: A man feels like a failure when you are not happy.

You see, when you are feeling worried about your relationship, he senses this and feels it too. And if you're worried, it means you're not happy - and he ends up taking it very personally. He may intellectually understand that it's not his fault, but he still takes it as a reflection of how successful he is at making you a happy woman. And if he feels like he's failed you (and can't make you happy), this definitely does not put him in the mood to be affectionate with you. Because he's probably feeling really lousy about himself when you are worrying.

You might think that if he would just be affectionate with you, then you would cheer up. But it's really a chicken and egg thing. So, instead of waiting for him to start the ball rolling, just step up stop worrying first.

So what makes a man want to be affectionate with a woman?

A man wants to be affectionate with a woman whom he finds adorable. And it's so easy for women to get confused about this - because women often think that she needs to figure out what her man wants and likes, in order for him to find her adorable. But that's not it at all. Men are simple creatures. He just wants a woman who is happy, fun, light-hearted, positive, cheerful, uplifting. Someone who makes him feel good.

And of course you don't need to be chirpy all the time. But he hopes that you are happy most of the time.

Wouldn't you agree that it's so much more fun to be around a person who is naturally balanced and happy with their self? You wouldn't want to be around the man you love much if he was worried, grouchy or angry most of the time too, would you?