Lack of friends and relationships

[Baseball42]

I have been with my girlfriend for around a year and a half. We have traveled together, do a lot of things together, family events together. I feel our relationship is very good in many ways.

A problem though is my personal life outside of her. Since I've been a young adult out of college (and even during college), friendships I did have from childhood and are somewhat fading away. I did not take advantage of that aspect of college - making solid friendships - like I should, and now it is biting me in my ass in my mid twenties. I feel like a part of being in a relationship is balance and adding value to each others lives. I want to take her out and do things more w friends, double dates, groups of friends etc. However, my social life is piss poor at times. I know people say making / maintaining contact w friends as an adult is harder, but I feel I am in the bottom 10 % of the population with friends.

I try to set up double dates, events w friends, etc, because I know my girlfriend would enjoy them. But many friends are busy, unresponsive ect, and it feels like I have a 30 % success rate or lower in setting up events. It has especially hard lately to get friends to come out.

I think in the year and a half of dating, I may have set up like 10-15 events with friends, and only like 5 double dates. We haven't even seen the people we have double dated with the most in like 3 months. She has been the source of more group activities than me, even though most of her friends are from work and she isn't originally from here. Sometimes I find it's better to just trying going to young adult / Christian groups where I don't know as many people just for an event to do, or meet new people.

So really my question is: how big of a deal is this in a relationship - having double dating partners, or common friends to share experiences with? Our families know each other well and we like spending time together. At times though, we wish we could share our experiences with other friends more, and that would make us happier. Are there ways to help this and meet new friends, or people in this situation have experience with this? Thanks for the help

[maria]

oh sorry bro to read your story here. Actually a good relationship affects a lot in personal life. Even I have had the same experience.

[Peggy]

Happiness in your relationship lies between you and your partner, and has nothing to do with friends. Sometimes, friends destroy relationship, so you are better off with no friends.

You should be more concerned about building relationship with her family and her building relationship with yours. Families help to make relationship stronger, while friends weaker relationship.

[Rob]

You can be sure that influence has much to do with leadership. And there is no one more experienced in the subject of leadership than John Maxwell. He is a great leader, appreciated all over the world. But Maxwell is not only the person who has a great deal of knowledge. He is also the best teacher you could imagine and he has his own methods available to share the wide knowledge with you.

It is him who you should listen to if you really want to know how to win friends and influence people.
John Maxwell, on his Leadership Wired Blog, tells you a wonderful story of Jackie Robinson. He is the first African-American to play Major League Baseball. The great story of the player, who wasn't afraid to break the color barrier in baseball, is the main plot of the Harrison Ford movie "42″.

You see, the life of Jackie Robinson offers valuable insights on the nature of influence. You may be pretty influential when you know how to participate in something great and important. Maxwell tries to prove the idea that leadership starts with the possibility of participating. Harry A. Overstreet said it this way:

"The very essence of all power to influence lies in getting the other person to participate"

Leadership is extremely gratifying, but it's also incredibly burdensome to feel the weight of responsibility. Can you just imagine how much pressure Jackie Robinson must have felt to perform well on behalf of everyone hoping that his success would promote the cause of racial equality in America? Jackie knew he would have to know how to win friends and influence people in order to become successful. He was aware of the taste of responsibility.

When it comes to the subject of influence in leadership, you must remember all the time that influence with others is either positive or negative. And if you really want to know how to win friends and influence people, you ought to choose the positive side of being influential.

You know, the marvelous player Robinson had no doubt he should have been focused on adding value to others.

It is the only effective way to be in the know of how to win friends and influence people in your life.
The feeling of being influential always starts in your heart and head. It grows inside you and afterwards you are ready to take this feeling into the outside world. When you desire to be sure of how to win friends and influence people, you must decide who you are and what you stand for. Then it's far easier to have positive influence.