Lost in relationship

[LOST_GIRL1988]

Hi, This might be long winded and I apologise in advanced for that. I just don't know where to go for advice (feel I may be going mad)

I have been with my partner for 2.5 years. He has 3 boys. He has also been very full on from the beginning. At first it was nice but thinking back now it may have been an unhealthy sign. Basically from the beginning I felt that he always wanted me to himself and I did genuinely feel scared/concerned to tell him if I wanted to go out with friends etc. So yes I did keep things till the last minute to say as I felt I had to "build up the courage" to bring up the subject. One time I did tell a little white lie in that my friend has asked me to go for lunch, instead of me asking her. Yup I know that's really stupid but that's honestly how I felt I had to be. Anyway my partner did go crazy and called me a liar etc. I apologised and we tried to move on.

I just have to say I am the kind of person who doesn't want to hurt anyone and is used to going with the flow to make others happy. (Some say weak)

After that he kept checking my phone etc and questioning every little thing I done. Asking who im talking to and what its about (personally I feel some of my conversations can be private??)

This then got me angry and yeah I started to get short fused after a year or so of it. When I questioned him about it, it was then made out it was my fault and I always end up backing down Its because im a liar etc. It did start to get really tiring and I cant be doing with the arguments anymore. (which I am getting the blame for)

I constantly feel like I am walking on egg shells, scared of what to say & do.

He now constantly nit picks/complains at everything I do (no matter how miniscule) The other week he asked me what I wanted for dinner, I said chicken with onions & peppers and maybe rice & chips but when we went home he said what do u want with your chicken and I said "whatever" I meant you choose as I chose the main. He also was cooking so I was thinking whatever if easiest for him. Just a minor thing??? Well NO!!!! This caused a week of arguments because he is sick and tired of my indecisiveness. YEAH I know it could become irritating but I don't think I deserved the sh!t that I got for it. Then when I try to say how I feel about it he says im selfish and cant see things from his side but I do. I just didn't agree. I said we don't have to agree and I will try not to be anymore. I have always been the same so I know I will struggle. He says I should be able to just change!!! I then get accused of starting the argument????

Last night my mum put a picture of me on fb of me at a wedding on sat (wasn't with my mum at the wedding) but I guess she just thought I looked nice. nice gesture??? Apparently not!!!!! I have been getting txts all morning of how my mum is being really weird and that no one else would do that . Our kitchen isn't finished properly and I did take the pic in there but my partner is going on about why did I take the pic in there and wont let it go. My mum has posted this at our "expense" What does that even mean????

I am just so sick of the sighs/the dirty looks/the lack of patience with me. Then being made feel everything is my fault when I question his actions. Everything I do is questioned now and then when I get quick tempered about it (as I am sick of it) I am the one causing arguments!!!! I always back down just to keep the peace which yeah does leave me with resentment lurking inside. I don't want to be like this but I feel like we just go round in circles then when I say im fed u of it he just reminds of me of how its all my fault. I don't feel I can do anything right. There are so many more instances I could share but don't have the time. We do both have financial issues just now but I don't think it warrants the lack of patience & understanding im receiving.

I had a 30th birthday party earlier this year and yeah I did spend some money on it but I was spending a little each month. He didn't complain at the time but after my party every time we spoke about money troubles my party was flung back in my face. Basically saying that was the reason we were in trouble. He also got so drunk at my party and ended up arguing with his brother and there was a big scene made. He thinks he was in the right, I don't but he wont listen if I say otherwise so yeah I do think I am harbouring resentment inside me sometimes.

BTW I am not saying im the easiest person to deal with. I wasn't very domesticated when we met but now I do all the housework on Saturday morning while he is at work. I prefer doing it alone. I know I have changed as person and not for the better. I don't see a lot of friends & family. I just find it so difficult to approach the subject with him. He may not say he has an issue but there is always an "issue" with something else when I go out. Its difficult not to feel he has an issue. I am not the most brainy person and I do say and do stupid things but he makes them seem so much worse which in turn makes me feel worse. I do appreciate everything he does for me. Makes dinners etc and tells me he loves me all the time etc.

Has anyone had similar experience???

Thanks for reading. Lost girl

[Sammy]

I know I have changed as person and not for the better. I don't see a lot of friends & family.

If going out to see your family and friends will make you happy in the relationship, then talk to him about it. It's better to tell him and get the privilege to see your friends and family, than to lie about it just to get the opportunity to go out.

Like you said, you lied about going to see a friend hence he developed trust issues. So, don't lie anymore, just be truthful and this will help him to develop trust in you again.

[Ella]

I think you are in an unhealthy relationship, however, you can change this by communicating more with your partner. Good communication is the way to build a healthy relationship.