Relationship problems

[Kim b]

I have been with my fiance for 9 years. We are having major issues. First is intimacy. He told me the other night he was going to cheat on me and that everything wrong with our relationship is my fault. He told me I am not good at sex or anything. He said if I do want to work on this and it isn't good for him he will end it all. I asked if I am not good why try and he said well you have answerwd my question. He also said we don't have to spend 24/7 together which I agree. But now now he leaves the house for a few hours and he tells me owes me no explanations for does he have to tell me he is leaving and that I am not to call him or text him while he is out. He has drinking more lately and he blames me for that as well saying I am causing him chaos in his life. I gave mentioned therapy but he says I can go if I want but he won't since he doesn't have any issues and he is not the person that has caused our problems. What do I do?

[Splinterjc]

I think you should at least consider this thought: that he is going to be mean and wants to make you think it's your fault. He is guilt-tripping you to tolerate his behavior.

[Rachael]

You can stop a divorce on your own. If your marriage is in trouble, you need to learn how to save your marriage alone. It might seem too good to be true, but it can happen. In fact it happens all the time. Let's talk about why it works and how you can get started.

For a long time, the conventional wisdom argued that the only way to stop a divorce was to get both parties in the marriage working together. The "it takes two to tango" theory makes sense, at face value, but when you look a little closer, you'll find that it isn't really a winner when it comes to saving marriages. Here's just one example: According to one noted relationship expert, couple's therapy only works about 20% of the time. That's right, 20%. That's among couples using the most common traditional strategy for preventing a divorce, working together. Those are horrible odds.

On the other hand, there are methods designed for one spouse to use to save a marriage that boast success rates in excess of 80%. That's four times as effective as couple's therapy.

Learning how to save a marriage alone works because that mindset recognizes that a change in one part of a marriage naturally causes changes in other aspects to occur. It's sort of like a ripple effect. Another good analogy is an algebra problem. If you alter the value on one side of the equation, it automatically changes the value on the other side. You don't need "two to tango". You need one person who wants to shift the nature of a marriage to stop a divorce.

So, how can you get started? Where do you start if you want to save a marriage alone? Well, don't rely on hunches or guesswork. Go out there and get your hands on some expert guidance by an experienced professional who has made studying marriages and divorce their career. You can save a marriage if you go about it the right way.

Even though you might be a very smart person, you are not a professional. You haven't made figuring all of this out your life's work. Rely on expert guidance to help you save your marriage.

You don't want to see your special relationship implode. You don't want to watch your dreams, hopes, and commitment wither up and die in a divorce court. You don't want the trauma. You don't want the disappointment and sorrow. You want to prevent a divorce and the good news is that you can find out how to save your marriage alone.

[Jerome]

A few years ago my wife and I were trapped in a horrible marriage. And so like millions of other unhappy couples, we turned to marriage counseling hoping that it would provide the help we were looking for. We learned a lot of neat communication skills and how to get in touch with our feelings, but that was about it! The counseling was not any help to our marriage and shortly after that my wife said she wanted a divorce. Marriage counseling had certainly failed us! I was devastated at the very thought of my marriage ending and I wanted very much to save it.

I read not too long ago about a study that was done on the effectiveness of marriage counseling. The study revealed several important things:

• Marriage counseling has about an 80% failure rate in the couples surveyed
• Couples who attend marriage counseling divorce at the same rate as those who don't go to counseling
• The vast majority of marriage counselors are trained in individual counseling and have very little or no training at all in marriage counseling

What is my point? That there is a much better way to save your marriage even if your husband says he doesn't love you and doesn't want to go to counseling. For one thing, people often make statements that aren't completely true when they are dealing with feelings that they don't understand. This has been proven time and time again. Your husband is most likely unhappy in the marriage right now and confusing his dissatisfaction in the marriage with not being in love. You can absolutely build a new and stronger foundation of love and happiness, once you know how it's done. There is a revolutionary approach that worked for me and has worked for thousands of other couples as well. All it takes is willingness to trust in the process even if it seems strange at first. The amazing thing is that it works even when you are the only one trying!