Strong feelings for a coworker

[RedPiano]

Hi, this is my first forum post and kindly pardon my English. I sincerely need opinions on this and I hope I don't get judged being married (arranged marriage) and environment being at the work place. (No HR policy on BGR) And yes I do plan to leave my marriage as it's in a wreck. I've done whatever counselling etc. Anyway it's a different story,

My company isn't doing very well and my current production floor will be closing in a months time except my particular dept. So everyone else except me would be transferred to another production floor in the same building. The first time I really noticed this girl was the day production level 2 announced it’ll be shutting down in a months time. She and her lady friend who wanted to stay at the current production floor asked how’s working in my dept like. A week passed and seeing that she seemed to be a very responsible worker, I asked her if she was interested in joining my dept but she kindly declined and decided to join her lady friend to another production floor as her friend will be transferred there.

Despite working for almost a year in my current company, I only just noticed this girl a month ago. She would always come to me if there are any quality or scrap issues on the product. She caught my attention particularly when I just finished my meeting. She was hiding behind the sliding door and giving me signal to come over to her from afar. Wondering what was the issue, I immediately go over to her to see what has happened. As I got to her behind the sliding door, she showed me a broken product . Feeling kinda of relieved that it wasn’t a big issue, I told her to simply get a replacement from my dept as her operator accidentally dropped it.
Ever since that day, we’ve been chatting a bit everyday at work. Teasing her that if the current production floor were to shut down, how is she going to give me a excuse/ reason to scrap the tooling. She excitedly replied “ I’ll make sure I’ll call you personally to get a replacement and you better be sure to answer the phone.”
One day after lunch I was standing under the air con in the tea room as i went outside for lunch (pretty hot weather), a girl's voice asked” hey it seems to be raining outside ya?” As I turned back, I noticed it was her. I smiled back “ Hey can’t you see I’m feeling hot and sweaty?”

These few encounters actually made me think a lot about her. I was telling myself what a lousy pick up line got her to use. Lol. And I noticed she doesn’t look at me in the Eye whenever we converse outside the production floor but when we are covered up in smog she has no issues looking at me in the eyes.


My work place has a headcount of 5000 workers 90% are women. Interacting with so many women, I can sort of sense she has a thing for me but is keeping it tightly in control.
1) Whenever we have a discussion over work, we'll lean towards each other. Whole of our arms are touching side by side each other. She isn't this touchy or close to other guys
2) She would look at me in the eye with minimum distraction in the production floor when we are covered up in smog. However she avoids all eye contact face to face outside even when we greet each other. (Initially thought she hates me)
3) She's subtly curious about me. Asking what's my family name etc. (Btw I'm in another dept's supervisor and she doesn't ask any personal questions to her own supervisor or other dept supervisors as well)
4) She compliments me a couple of times (Which is big as she is usually very shy to guys)
All these happened in just a span of a couple of weeks. Why am I so blind to see such a lovely girl who has been in front of me for 365 days and yet I only noticed her for the last 30 days

Things started to go downhill. We are in the midst of transferring headcount to the other production floor. Lots of high emotions running among the workers affected. One day another coworker (her buddy) asked " Hey, just curious are u married?" I had no choice but to answered her honestly. Couple of days later, I tried to start a conversation with her but she acted really cold and didn't respond to me much. I backed off ever since. I was actually trying to get her contact number before our production floor split up. I've not spoken to her ever since that incident.

This morning we happened to pass by each other through the hallway. We greeted each other and I can sort of notice her face blushing. (I hope it isn't in anger). My heart felt it's breaking.apart. I've realized I actually have very strong feelings for her and today it'll be the last day we'll get to see each other in the same production floor. Only chance I could see her is during tea/lunch break but very unlikely as we have various break timing due to the sheer headcount in my company.

I'm really lost. I believe she knows I'm married now and she might have thought I've been stringing her. But in fact I was taking my time to know her and I really do plan to be honest with her and take it real slow if we manage to have a date. She's a divorcee by the way so I guess she might hate this type of men. Too bad she doesn't know about my current marriage situation.
Other than moving on, I would like to hear what will you do if you were in my shoes.

[Elliot]

Her friend obviously told her you are married, hence she began acting cold towards you. However, I will advice you find a way to contact her via Facebook, email or whatsapp. You can then express your feelings to her, and let her know why you didn't tell her you were married yet.

[Vivian]

She's a divorcee by the way so I guess she might hate this type of men.

I think you are wrong by saying this. You have to tell her what you feel for her, that's the only to win her.

However, you are still married to your wife, so must not have anything to do with any woman till you are divorce. The best thing to do now is to get her off your mind, and pay attention to your marriage.

[RedPiano]

Hi thanks for the advice. I’m actually in the midst of discussion for divorce with both families. There’s nothing to share about my marriage.

anyway she seems to be avoiding me nowadays. I played it cool to just greet her if we bumped into each other. I might be overthinking and over analysing her before.

One of the more obvious signs she was interested in me was before she would not speak with me outside the production floor (when we have removed our smog) in The Eye. She would avoid all eye contact. She doesn’t treat other guys like this.
She at times would compliment that I look like I work out a lot and I looked good with certain shirts. I caught her looking at me from head to toe couple of times.

However ever since then, she has been giving me the “normal” coworker treatment which seriously sucks. I feel like I’ve offended her in some way. I didn’t even reveal my feelings to her yet. My bad is sometimes I do flirt playfully with other girls in front of her but I do that because to get better relationships with other coworkers as I need to work with them closely at times.

Should i I just give her space and avoid her a while? I feel tension when she’s nearby. I noticed she does look at me whenever I pass by but I tried my best not to look.

[RedPiano]

Pardon if my English isn’t very good. Touchy not flirting with other girls and guys in a sense of shoulders and arms only and yes I do that to guys as well like buddies . of cos they are not of a creepy way but more of a friendly way. I only pat her shoulders once for her attention on some work matters. Couple of times we were leaning on each other discussing work matters, I could felt her whole arm and she never backed off despite lots of space around. It has happened several times , didn’t think too much about it as there are some girls in my work place that have no regards to personal space.

Reason I read on the eye contact is because she’s pretty damm normal to other guys but me and we were in very friendly terms then. She would always look for me for work advice instead of her direct supervisor. Quite frankly she doesn’t need to look for me at all while there are so many others whom she can look for easily.

There was once she asked me couple of personal questions at my work area which made couple of her coworkers frowned. <— This is the main issue.

And there were couple of times she would stare at me head to toe when I’m dressed smartly for important meetings. I was just being friendly like to everyone else guys or girls.

Anyway I finally realised why she’s acting this way. She could’ve under fire by couple of her coworkers as they know I’m married and asking personal questions about me so openly. After all I’m a supervisor in dept.

Just that I wish I could just tell her my feelings without making her uncomfortable at work and explain to her my marriage situation. I’m not planning to hop into a relationship with her and make her a 3rd party or make her wait for my divorce to be done. I just Want her to be happy