Should I fight for him or leave him?

[Katie Russell]

I met this guy while travelling 6 months ago. We both were volunteering in a small community. Immediately we made a good connection and there was a spark between us. Soon we started sleeping together and suddenly another girls started coming and he lost his interest in me. It hurt but I was trying to ignore this situation and avoid his company. I found out I wasn't the only girl who was treated like this by him. Before I came to this place he used to sleep with many girls and he changed them after few nights. People told me he has some emotional problems, he has problem with alcohol. He couldn't control himself after drinking. His long term relationship ended and he was kind of depressed. I was trying to understand him and the way he acted. I still kind of a liked him but still I felt hurt. One night he drunk way too much, he became aggressive towards everyone, including me. The next day he was highly embarrassed, he said sorry and left. That's stupid but I really wanted him back. I liked him as a friend. He was funny guy, charming, I was smiling all the time when he was around. I fell for him a little and it made me stupid. But after a while when he was away my feelings were gone. We still texted from time to time as a good mates but nothing else. Meanwhile I met other people and my thoughts about him were distracted. 3 months later he offered me a 2 month job in a place where he was working. I needed a job and I agreed for his proposition. 2 months we lived and worked together in one place. We spent together most of the time. Also we started to be "friends with benefits" which wasn't a good idea. Because aside from having sex there also were sleeping in one bed, watching movies together, going out together, cuddling, falling asleep together. We acted like a couple. But we weren't in a relationship. We build a strong bond and I started to feel very attached to him. The problem was that I knew that this guy is not for me. I knew him already and I didn't want to develop feelings to him. I knew that he used tinder, he texts many girls, before I came he also dated many girls. He was very protective about his phone and he was hidding many things. At the beginning I didn't care about that but later it started to bother me and I started to feel uncomfortable and I wanted to end this kind of relationship with him. The thought that he sleeps with me, spends the whole time with me, cuddles me and treats me like a real girlfriend and at the same time he flirts with others and plans to meet other girls after I leave made me feel sick. I told him about that. And i finished this relation. He told me that we're not a couple so he can text whoever he wants. But many times especially when he was drunk he told me he wants something more from me, that he wants and needs me etc. also during this 2 months he drunk a lot. Sometimes after drinking he wasn't himself. He became a monster. One time he treated me very bed and I decided to leave. He was ashamed for the next few days and finally he opened himself and told me about his huge alcohol problem, about his last 10year relationship and how he lost people that he cared about because of alcohol. I was very careful about his words. But I decided to trust him again. I told him I want to help him. Because he doesn't have anyone who could do this and he definitely needs a help. Also he started to pull me away, acted weird around me, he couldn't concentrate on anything, he was sad most of the time, he treated me "hot and cold". After a while he told me he started develop feelings to me. And he told me he is scared, he didn't expect to have such a strong feelings to anyone, he doesn't want to lose me but also he doesn't know what to do with his feelings. He wanted me to stay with him longer. But I finished working and I decided to leave. I fell for him. I didn't want to leave but I knew there's no better option. I left and we are still in touch. We're talking and missing each other. He wants me to be back, he also is planning to visit me. He still drinks a lot. I'm very confused and completely don't know what to do. He's not only a bad guy with many problems. I miss him and for some reasons he is very unique and makes me feel special. He's good hearted man, who cares about people but sometimes makes mistakes and alcohol is killing him. Right now I'm in different country. And first I know I want to help him with his alcohol problem. I have no idea where to start with this. He's working in a country where people don't speak English and it would be hard to find a professional help, therapist for him. Also I don't know if it's a good idea to come back to him and start to fall for him more and more. Right now, even though I really miss him and like him, I'm taking this relation easy. I know I need time and break. But what can I do to help him, I don't want to leave him alone. I care too much about him but also I don't want to develop feelings for him now and I don't want to become more attached to him. Another problem is that it's very hard for me to trust him. I don't trust him at all.

I completely don't know what to do. I'm scared to finish this and leave him and I'm scared to fight for him. I'm scared that I could fight to be hurt and to be lied to instead of fighting to be loved and respected. Also I'm very emotionally unstable. One time I'm sure I want him and I want to fight for him and the other time I want to finish everything. I think I'm still in love with him and I can't be objective.

Maybe someone experienced in life could give me some advices what to do in this situation.

I feel like I'm stuck between listening to my heart and listening to my hurt. Also I know that no one is perfect and love is not always easy.

[Shirley]

In a case like this, it's better to work with your head and not your heart. Your heart is definitely going to make you take wrong decisions. From my point of view, your relationship with him is toxic and I won't advice you go back to him.

Don't waste your time with him, thinking you can change him and make him a better person. That's never going to happen and you're eventually going to get hurt.

[Scot]

Lets call a spade a spade, this relationship is bad for you. Trust is important for any relationship to last, and since you don't have trust for him your relationship with him won't work. You know quite well that he sleep with other girls, so going back to him will leave you heartbroken. It's best to leave this relationship and completely forget about him, because deciding to stay with him will leave you hurt and down trodden.