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Very new here and in seek of some opinion or at least just the opportunity to talk... I'm 32, male and in a loving relationship (almost 4 years). I love my gf, feel attracted to her, want to spend my life with her (planning to propose by the end of this year). I'm happy with our sexual live. Yet, sometimes I feel attracted to the pictures of women I know or used to know. Former colleagues, acquaintances from former ciites I lived in. It happens I see a picture of such a women on fb or instagram. Harmless pictures - sometimes in a nice bikini or dress but nothing really erotic and they very diverse and normal looking women. Not feeling attraction to a certain type or any ideal body image. I don't have crushes on those women, neither did I while I was seeing them regularily at work or among friends. I simply see a pic every now and then, get aroused, masturbate. Every now and then I take a screenshot of the picture and store it somewhere on my drive - to be completely honest, I find it somehow exciting to own those "forbidden" pictures.
Yet I felt very terrible at the beginning. It felt like I'm doing wrong to my gf. Later I thought it's actually nothing to worry about - I love my gf and I would never cheat on her, I never fall for other women I know in real life, I don't have any special fantasies that I would want to have in my sex life.
Well, last week I shared a folder of pictures with my gf and unfortunatley, I had a pic of former colleague standing in bikini at the beach saved among it. Naturally, my gf asked me when and why I took a picture like that of her. First I thought about making up excuses but then answered honestly that it's a screenshot and just told her about me getting off to pics of other women and sometimes saving them. Somehow in my head it sounded much more harmless. And while I don't doubt that my gf also every now and then must have erotic thoughts that do not involve me, I assume hearing it directly from your partner can be shock. It sure was for her. I told her that it has nothing to do with her or our sex life, that I would never even think about cheating on her or do sexting. I don't flirt with other women, I don't stare at other women. Yet I'm feeling like the worst person in the world right now. She is upset and won't talk to me. She said it was a difference whether it's a celebrity or porn actress you fantasize about or a women you really know and wanting to keep pictures in secret is even more upsetting. But I don't have anything to do with those women in real life, I don't even know them very well and my gf has no reason to feel physically inferior to them or anything.
I'm trying my best to fix this and promised I'd never do it again. But is it really such a no go? Am I the only one who ever did that? Would some women be understanding or does everyone agree I completely screwed up with such a behaviour?
Yet I felt very terrible at the beginning. It felt like I'm doing wrong to my gf. Later I thought it's actually nothing to worry about - I love my gf and I would never cheat on her, I never fall for other women I know in real life, I don't have any special fantasies that I would want to have in my sex life.
Well, last week I shared a folder of pictures with my gf and unfortunatley, I had a pic of former colleague standing in bikini at the beach saved among it. Naturally, my gf asked me when and why I took a picture like that of her. First I thought about making up excuses but then answered honestly that it's a screenshot and just told her about me getting off to pics of other women and sometimes saving them. Somehow in my head it sounded much more harmless. And while I don't doubt that my gf also every now and then must have erotic thoughts that do not involve me, I assume hearing it directly from your partner can be shock. It sure was for her. I told her that it has nothing to do with her or our sex life, that I would never even think about cheating on her or do sexting. I don't flirt with other women, I don't stare at other women. Yet I'm feeling like the worst person in the world right now. She is upset and won't talk to me. She said it was a difference whether it's a celebrity or porn actress you fantasize about or a women you really know and wanting to keep pictures in secret is even more upsetting. But I don't have anything to do with those women in real life, I don't even know them very well and my gf has no reason to feel physically inferior to them or anything.
I'm trying my best to fix this and promised I'd never do it again. But is it really such a no go? Am I the only one who ever did that? Would some women be understanding or does everyone agree I completely screwed up with such a behaviour?
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