My flirty boyfriend.

[Sheila89]

Hi,
I really need advice on my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 1,5 years. He is four years younger than I am, I'm 26. He is really caring and loving, but one things keep worrying me. I know that he is often flirting with girls - whether they are his childhood friends or woman that he knows for a shorter time. I knew that from beginning of our relationship and stated that it is uncomfortable for me, but he claimed that he doesn't do such thing and I'm missinterpreting his behaviour. However, I know what flirting is and he did that even when I'm around. But maybe that's the way he is, and he never give me real reason to think that it leads to something more, cheating etc. Except one situation, but I don't know if I'm crazy to think about this or I'm really insecure about his flirting and make things up. When we started dating he often visited me at my apartment with I shared with a friend. Me and that friend were not really close, but we worked at the same place. After me and my boyfriend started dating, I noticed that my friend starts to take interest in my boyfriend, she even claimed that he is a good type for short romance. She tried to seduce him in some way, by some flirtatious talk and my boyfriend reacted in the same way, as that's how he is. Once I felt sick and had to lie down, and my friend invited my boyfriend to eat with her in the kitchen. They were talking (I heard that not on purpose, there is no door between kitchen and my room) about various things - her moving out etc. (my boyfriend after that talk proposed that we should start living together), but all of sudden they stopped both talking and I heard some "slurping" noises. All I could think back then is that they were kissing or my friend kissed my boyfriend. I know that they were eating and maybe it's all in my imagination, but can I trust him? I asked him about her and he refused that something was between them ever and that he even doesn't consider her attractive, but they have a lot in common and share similar sense of humour. She didn't talk to me either. When my boyfriend was leaving the kitchen - he said "goodnight" to my friend and went back to me, that's when he said "I love you" for the first time, but all I thought back then was that he is saying that out of guilt... But I didn't really catch any suspicious signs from them that night. Maybe I was overthinking this, but after that I saw (I think so) that my boyfriend and my friend exchange "deep looks". I want to finally resolve this, but can I trust my boyfriend? For the rest of our relationship my boyfriend never did something suspicious and was really good to me, but I really want to trust him. Besides, he never flirted with me, but explained that he behaves like that in presence of girls in which he has no real interest, and towards me he was always open and honest, because he knew that he wants to build serious relationship with me.

[TheDarkOne]

Yes, I can relate to this. My SO was a flirtatious type. I told her that I’m not comfortable with her doing that whilst she is in a relationship with me. I also explained that if she ever did that in front of me, I would instantly end the relationship. It would show a total lack of thought for my feelings and show massive disrespect to me. I would never flirt with anyone whilst in a relationship. She said she never would, but we’ll see. You don’t flirt with someone you’re not interested in. I would end your relationship as it sounds as though he will never respect your feelings and you will be constantly hurt.

[Anthonia]

I think you should learn to trust your boyfriend, because your relationship with him won't work without trust. Your imagination is playing pranks on you, so don't let your imaginations ruin your perfect relationship.

[Kate]

If your boyfriend is a flirt, chances are, you knew that when you met him. What do you do to tame this habit? The answer may shock you, but the answer is nothing. You either need to learn to live with it or let him go. Chances are, if you hold onto a flirting man too tight, he will just ease on over to greener pastures, where he can be more himself.

For example, I used to be a cocktail waitress, so I have observed men on their worst behavior. Often times, it is encouraged for the waitress to take a shot with her high paying customers, and often times, I did just that. I also flirted for tips. I have seen men slip off wedding rings, turn off cell phones and put them away, and flat out lie about their girlfriends or wives, even if they are at the bar with them. I have been slipped business cards with credit cards in the hopes that I might call one of these dirtbags. I never called any of them. I knew they didn't mean it and I am one of those strange women that actually respects the bond of a relationship.

Men and women tend to get a little stupid when alcohol is involved. I always used the bar as my safety net. Not all women are like me though. Not all women care if your man is in a relationship. Here is what I noticed in the differences of nice guys that flirt and dirtbags that want to cheat.

Some guys like to be kept on a short leash. Not the flirt. The flirt needs to be kept in check, but he needs plenty of room to roam. Many times, a nice guy flirt will flirt with the waitress or bartender because he knows it is like flirting with a stripper. His attention is nice as long as he is tipping appropriately. You have to ask yourself how this makes you feel. How do you like the fact that he is giving his money to a total stranger? A beautiful, often exotic and sexy stranger. Instead of seeing it as a major blow to your relationship. Consider it from a more healthy perspective. Your guy needs to feel sexy, and if he is going out and spending his money on that, and he has the money to spend on it, then you could consider that a version of therapy for him.

Men desire attention the same way women do. They crave for someone to tell them how sexy they are. They long for someone to lavish them with attention, even if the attention isn't long lasting. You have to ask yourself if you are providing that, and if you aren't, expect him to go out and find someone that will, even if just for a second.

Also, before you jump to thinking he is a complete cheater, most guys, really aren't cheaters. In fact, men get attached to women very easily. Especially when they are in a relationship. They don't generally cheat. In fact, most men, if approached to actually follow through with someone they have been flirting with, will chicken out. The thought of being with someone new is exciting, but men are logical. If they have a good thing going with you, they aren't just going to give that up for a stranger.

The best way to capture a guy with a wandering eye is to let your eye wander with his.

For example, my boyfriend and I were getting coffee. A beautiful young blond stood in line behind us. I watched my boyfriend shuffle and look away as if he didn't want to get caught looking at her. I whispered in his ear that she was extremely beautiful and I saw her too. Instantly, he was put at ease and he didn't turn to look at her again. I put a name on what he was thinking and he settled down.

My boyfriend is extremely attractive and I have watched women flirt with him right in front of me. What do I do? I flirt with the woman who is flirting with my man. This can really throw some of the ill-intentioned ladies off his trail. Basically, if you join forces with the woman flirting, you have a better chance of keeping your man close. If you complain and act jealous, he will stray for sure. Act like it doesn't bother you. Trust your boyfriend unless he gives you a reason not to. Just like women, men like a little attention as well. As long as the attention is harmless, give your guy the benefit of a doubt and let him feel like a stud every once in awhile.

[Sheila89]

Thanks for all the replies, I really don't want to end my relationship, because I think thank my boyfriend is more mature now and such obvious flirts do not happen anymore. And I think I should accept him as he is, because I know for sure that sometimes it lead to nothing, he was acting like that even with childhood friend. But I think that we should talk this out - not in accusing tone, but how sometimes insecure I feel about all this and question his feelings. Because sometimes I do, when I see him trying to impress the other girl, he shows off and suddenly forgets about me, as even I don't exist and it's hurtful for me. At the beginning of our relationship I also thought that he doesn't respect me, when he is flirting in front of me and others can see it. I think that it should be addressed, because I really felt humiliated in some situations.