married but met someone at work who liked me too then decided things too complicated

[Abdcxyz]

A couple of months ago I got a new colleague. From the moment we met there was a spark. I am married and wear a ring but that did not prevent her from suggesting to do all kinds of things together (only in the WEs I am together with my wife). She could not keep her eyes of me and it sometimes embarrassed me a little bit because she is 13 years younger, I am married and it must have been obvious to the other colleagues. After a couple of weeks we went for a drink together. It was very nice. We had a great conversation and touched one another a lot. We took the bus back home and when I got home she said with a face full of warmth ‘Abcdxyz, it was really really nice you know’.
The week afterwards I invited her for dinner at my place. It was even more intimate but I did not kiss her because I felt conflicted (she is young, I care about my wife) but also because I had her next to me which on its own made me already very happy. While sitting pressed against one another she also told me that she thinks I am very handsome man.
The next day at work we drowned in one another’s eyes.
The next week however, she was suddenly very distant. After a day of mental torturement I asked her what was the matter. She told me that she should not go out with a married colleague because she doesn’t want trouble. I understand this but what I do not understand is how all the liking she used to have for me in her eyes has completely disappeare. Her pupils were always dilated when talking to me but are now very small. I don’t understand it and it upsets me. We have to work together. I don’t know what to do. My wife bores me now and the woman I like seems indifferent now to me. I don’t know whether I should try to pursue her.

[Scot]

I don’t know whether I should try to pursue her.

You can't pursue her because you are married. You should rather work on your marriage to make it better.

The fact is that this colleague at work is playing psychological mind game with you. She suddenly became distance because she wants you to pursue her, she has a plan to destroy your marriage. So, don't let that happen, be wise!

[Rob]

One of the things that I've always hated is to hear someone say that a marriage is supposed to get boring after a while. Or that it's normal for a marriage to get boring or even fail. I don't believe that at all that it has to be that way ever.

But that's not saying that it doesn't happen, and that you won't ever end up saying my wife bores me. It does happen but there are things that you can do to fix the marriage rather than let it dwindle because of boredom.

Just as well there are things that you should never do when this happens.

What Never to Do if You're Bored With the Wife and the Marriage...

So you come home from work and you see your wife and it's not that feeling of excitement that you used to have when you saw her. Maybe you know that trouble is going to arise and there's going to be a fight.

Maybe you just don't feel anything so it's like passing your sister in the house. Or maybe you've just given up because you know that there's not even going to be any sex anyways so what the heck is the use.

If you're feeling like this then you might be tempted to make some very drastic decisions that ultimately irreversible! The best marriage advice for a man that I can give you is don't do anything right now out of boredom that will ruin your marriage.

The fact is that the boredom will pass but the things you might do out of boredom likely won't.

It may sound like a given but don't cheat on your wife out of boredom. In fact don't even put yourself in a position that cheating will be an option. Don't flirt with waitresses, don't get close to women at work, none of those shenanigans. A lot of men will try to justify these things and actually blame their wife for their boredom, but the fact is that you're just as responsible for keeping the marriage alive as she is...and you're likely doing some a lot of things that aren't helping the situation.

Also don't go blabbing to people that you're bored with your marriage. If this gets back to your wife then even if you're not even thinking about cheating or messing around outside the marriage, that's exactly what she's going to think. That will just cause a lot of extra strife on the marriage.

So then it goes without saying that you shouldn't tell her either. Again her thoughts will automatically go to your wanting to fool around and get your rocks off.

If you're thinking my wife bores me, my marriage bores me then you have to be extremely careful of the things that you do so that you don't damage your marriage.

[Abdcxyz]

You are right Rob, I need to get my act together. I am planning a fun vacation with my wife and have looked into transferring to a different department. I had not expected to end up in such an emotional messy situation at my age (almost 40). It’s the first time in the 12 years of my relationship that this has happened. Anyway... mweh

[Jolin Tzeng]

Yes, you should really work on your relationship, bring back the good times and memories. I was in a similar situation as you, I am married and just joined a new company, a guy coworker has a crush on me and I also have a good impression of him. I understand your emotions, but really have control and do the right thing. It's very dangerous, as we are married and dealing with our colleagues. don't jeopardise your work and your marriage, I believe it won't be worthy!

So in order to control my feelings and emotions, I have to remind myself of what I actually want. As I am happy that I am still attractive enough to get a man to have a crush on me; but my husband is the one I have chosen to spend my whole life with. We won't have romance or sparks in every day of our life, but we have the things and our goal we want to achieve in life right? So maybe you should focus on your relationship goals.

Enjoy your trip with your wife and bring back the romance! Cheers!!