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Hi everyone
I'm a 22 year old girl who lives happily with her 4y old son and partner who i've been dating for nearly 4 years, but I've got this issue I'm bothered with. My partner doesn't know about it, because I'm very embaressed about it.. I told him once in the begining of our relationship and he said it was stupid and I shouldn't put myself through all that..
The thing is, when I was pregnant with my son (I was 17 my ex nearly 17) he met a girl he eventually cheated me on. The moment those two met I knew nothing good would come from it, my ex always denied it.
I always felt uneasy around her because she looked like what I wanted to look like. We both lived in the Alternative lifestyle. But due to being raised diffrently my looks were never "extreme". She had piercings, I didn't because I was not allowed to (and my ex found it unattractive?!). She had bright red hair which I wanted for a long time but couln't because of school. She wore everything I couldn't at that moment because of my pregnancy (fisnets, shorts, tight clothes, corsets etc.)
I never felt jealous but I always felt this weird tightness in my chest because I was scared and felt I had to compete to keep gaining the attention I needed and deserved from my ex.
Then one night my ex went to a rave party near her place, I was constantly panicing and imagening the worst. I called him several times asking/begging him to come home, he said he couldn't, because the train wasn't operating, which was a lie since I looked up the sceduele..
The next day I went over to his place. He had a hickey and scratch marks in his neck.
"Sorry sweety, don't worry, nothing happened, she was drunk, I pushed her away in time."
Pure bullsh*t, I know. But I somehow just let it slip because I somehow believed him? To be honest, I was scared of ending up alone.
From that point our relationship was never the same. He thought the birth of our son would bring us closer but it couldn't be saved.
After half a year full of ups and downs and lots of his lies being found out by me, a friend of ours finally confessed that he knew what happended that perticulair night and I just kinda complety fell apart.. After denieing myself all the time and then hearing from someone else I couldn't go on anymore. Especially not when more "friends" told me they knew but "didn't wanted to ruin our relationship"..
My current boyfriend who was my best friend back then was always there for me. He even slept over at my ex's place (they were friends too, well that's what my ex thought, my boyfriend never like hanging out that much with my ex because of how he treated me) just so he could be with me.
After breaking up with my ex, we grew closer and closer and then eventually started dating. I'm so proud of him, not only is he an amazing partner, he's also a great Stephdaddy for my son. My son likes his Stephdad better than his biological son. In the end everything turned out well for my son and I.
Well apart for one thing. I can't let go of her. I've got this sick obsession with this girl my ex cheated me on. From time to time I check all her social media because I want to know what she looks like now and what she's up to. I know this sounds crazy but it's true! And it's making me sick. I even crossed the line yesterday and tried to hack her to get even more info on her.
I don't know why I do that and why I feel like this. I don't even know if my ex and her still hang out together. It's not like I think of her all the time but sometimes she pops up in my mind and then I go crazy fishing for information.
I don't want to go on like this. I want to let go of that part in my past but how can I do that? The smallest thing can trigger my mind wondering to it again. I'm so ashamed and I hate myself for this.
How can let go of it and never think of her again?
I'm a 22 year old girl who lives happily with her 4y old son and partner who i've been dating for nearly 4 years, but I've got this issue I'm bothered with. My partner doesn't know about it, because I'm very embaressed about it.. I told him once in the begining of our relationship and he said it was stupid and I shouldn't put myself through all that..
The thing is, when I was pregnant with my son (I was 17 my ex nearly 17) he met a girl he eventually cheated me on. The moment those two met I knew nothing good would come from it, my ex always denied it.
I always felt uneasy around her because she looked like what I wanted to look like. We both lived in the Alternative lifestyle. But due to being raised diffrently my looks were never "extreme". She had piercings, I didn't because I was not allowed to (and my ex found it unattractive?!). She had bright red hair which I wanted for a long time but couln't because of school. She wore everything I couldn't at that moment because of my pregnancy (fisnets, shorts, tight clothes, corsets etc.)
I never felt jealous but I always felt this weird tightness in my chest because I was scared and felt I had to compete to keep gaining the attention I needed and deserved from my ex.
Then one night my ex went to a rave party near her place, I was constantly panicing and imagening the worst. I called him several times asking/begging him to come home, he said he couldn't, because the train wasn't operating, which was a lie since I looked up the sceduele..
The next day I went over to his place. He had a hickey and scratch marks in his neck.
"Sorry sweety, don't worry, nothing happened, she was drunk, I pushed her away in time."
Pure bullsh*t, I know. But I somehow just let it slip because I somehow believed him? To be honest, I was scared of ending up alone.
From that point our relationship was never the same. He thought the birth of our son would bring us closer but it couldn't be saved.
After half a year full of ups and downs and lots of his lies being found out by me, a friend of ours finally confessed that he knew what happended that perticulair night and I just kinda complety fell apart.. After denieing myself all the time and then hearing from someone else I couldn't go on anymore. Especially not when more "friends" told me they knew but "didn't wanted to ruin our relationship"..
My current boyfriend who was my best friend back then was always there for me. He even slept over at my ex's place (they were friends too, well that's what my ex thought, my boyfriend never like hanging out that much with my ex because of how he treated me) just so he could be with me.
After breaking up with my ex, we grew closer and closer and then eventually started dating. I'm so proud of him, not only is he an amazing partner, he's also a great Stephdaddy for my son. My son likes his Stephdad better than his biological son. In the end everything turned out well for my son and I.
Well apart for one thing. I can't let go of her. I've got this sick obsession with this girl my ex cheated me on. From time to time I check all her social media because I want to know what she looks like now and what she's up to. I know this sounds crazy but it's true! And it's making me sick. I even crossed the line yesterday and tried to hack her to get even more info on her.
I don't know why I do that and why I feel like this. I don't even know if my ex and her still hang out together. It's not like I think of her all the time but sometimes she pops up in my mind and then I go crazy fishing for information.
I don't want to go on like this. I want to let go of that part in my past but how can I do that? The smallest thing can trigger my mind wondering to it again. I'm so ashamed and I hate myself for this.
How can let go of it and never think of her again?
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