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Choosing between two guys and being alone
Hello!
I know this all may sound silly, but feels like I'm stuck and unable to think clear anymore.
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 5 years and for the past few months I have been thinking about breaking up with him.
Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy, we had been through a lot together and I want him to be happy, but I am no longer happy with him.
Everything I do feels like a chore - hugging, kissing, sex, saying 'I love you' back. I have tried to talk to him about it many times however he believes it has everything to do with the episode of severe depression I had experienced a few months ago. My boyfriend believes it all can be fixed and would not accept what I say at all. I really do not want to break his heart, yet it appears I would better off without him. We live together, work together, have the same social circle, so I don't feel confident telling my friends about this, because sooner or later he will found out.
There is also The Other Guy.
We have only met 2 months ago, at work, I felt the chemistry straight away, it was like we've known each other forever. Talking to him was the easiest thing ever, even though he was a complete stranger at that point. There was a time I thought he might be crushing on me as he was looking for excuses to come over and talk to me, help me with my tasks, he would also stop in work for good 2h just to sit in the office and talk to me while I was doing my paperwork. He would stare at me and smile or try to make me laugh all the time. Then I found out he's gay, so I started to think he's just being nice and we could actually make good friends. My boyfriend likes him as well - he even came up with the idea that the three of us should go out for a few drinks one night.
So we did... it was great, me and the other guy spent all night talking, laughing and we got quite drunk, my boyfriend did not really take part in the conversation, he was on his phone most of the time. At one point, the other guy said he had been with girls before and now he just wants to focus on his career and photography (which he is very passionate about).
The next day, we exchanged a few messages, then I haven't seen him for a while as he rang in sick. Today he returned to work and said he's had a great time and we should go see a film sometime, when me and my boyfriend are free. After that, he's been avoiding me for the rest of the day and he would only talk to me when necessary, however before finishing his shift, he invited me to his photo exhibition next month and also complained on my boyfriend (I am his manager). I promised to sort it out, asked whether he's feeling fine after the illness and said that he seems a bit sad and if he needs to talk, I'm here for him. His reply was 'it's ok, I'm just overthinking'.
Right now I am completely confused.
My boyfriend says he cares about me and would not want to live a day without me, while not giving me any space and constantly demanding attention. I am tired and lonely.
The other guy is either too friendly or completely cold. I don't know if I'm reading too much into things and seeing things that I want to see, because I don't get anything out of the relationship I'm in right now.
Should I stop talking to the other guy and focus on fixing my relationship? Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to make it work?
Should I break up with my boyfriend and take time to be alone?
Please help, any advice will be greatly appreciated.
I know this all may sound silly, but feels like I'm stuck and unable to think clear anymore.
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 5 years and for the past few months I have been thinking about breaking up with him.
Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy, we had been through a lot together and I want him to be happy, but I am no longer happy with him.
Everything I do feels like a chore - hugging, kissing, sex, saying 'I love you' back. I have tried to talk to him about it many times however he believes it has everything to do with the episode of severe depression I had experienced a few months ago. My boyfriend believes it all can be fixed and would not accept what I say at all. I really do not want to break his heart, yet it appears I would better off without him. We live together, work together, have the same social circle, so I don't feel confident telling my friends about this, because sooner or later he will found out.
There is also The Other Guy.
We have only met 2 months ago, at work, I felt the chemistry straight away, it was like we've known each other forever. Talking to him was the easiest thing ever, even though he was a complete stranger at that point. There was a time I thought he might be crushing on me as he was looking for excuses to come over and talk to me, help me with my tasks, he would also stop in work for good 2h just to sit in the office and talk to me while I was doing my paperwork. He would stare at me and smile or try to make me laugh all the time. Then I found out he's gay, so I started to think he's just being nice and we could actually make good friends. My boyfriend likes him as well - he even came up with the idea that the three of us should go out for a few drinks one night.
So we did... it was great, me and the other guy spent all night talking, laughing and we got quite drunk, my boyfriend did not really take part in the conversation, he was on his phone most of the time. At one point, the other guy said he had been with girls before and now he just wants to focus on his career and photography (which he is very passionate about).
The next day, we exchanged a few messages, then I haven't seen him for a while as he rang in sick. Today he returned to work and said he's had a great time and we should go see a film sometime, when me and my boyfriend are free. After that, he's been avoiding me for the rest of the day and he would only talk to me when necessary, however before finishing his shift, he invited me to his photo exhibition next month and also complained on my boyfriend (I am his manager). I promised to sort it out, asked whether he's feeling fine after the illness and said that he seems a bit sad and if he needs to talk, I'm here for him. His reply was 'it's ok, I'm just overthinking'.
Right now I am completely confused.
My boyfriend says he cares about me and would not want to live a day without me, while not giving me any space and constantly demanding attention. I am tired and lonely.
The other guy is either too friendly or completely cold. I don't know if I'm reading too much into things and seeing things that I want to see, because I don't get anything out of the relationship I'm in right now.
Should I stop talking to the other guy and focus on fixing my relationship? Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to make it work?
Should I break up with my boyfriend and take time to be alone?
Please help, any advice will be greatly appreciated.
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