Tweet
Hello everyone,
since i am not able to end my mirserable relationship, if this is even a relationship, I need advise how to do it. I know I am killing myself with this relationship and it is worse and worse. One side of me is saying , just go and start buidling life step by step, another side is , as it seems, scared to be totally alone (even I am already alone in relationship).
I am with a guy for 2,5 years and every day is worse and worse. he is treating me like shit, humiliating, saying I am stupid and that I have no clue abut life, relationship, nothing.
at the beginning everything was ok, but after one year it started- he started to push me to train every day hard and if I did not reach his demands ( how fast I am running, how fast I reach the summit of the mountain) he became neagative in words...that I cannot do anything, I am slower than everybody..even I like sports and nature, I have my limit and I cannot run fast, I cannot go to mountains with fast pace.. but
in my opinion, this does not matter, if someone loves you... I tried to accomodate to him in all ways..I know too much and I have not set up any limits and budaries (which was a big mistake).
Every free moment is a must to train, wekeend to go to mountains..it was hard for me, as I could not go as fast as he and more and more he was humiliating me with words... I tried to explain that important is, that I start and try and that I do not need to do everything his way.
We do not live together, even when I moved to another city we planned he will join.. I found apparment big enough for two people and organized and furnished it nicely..I believed that he will join me... he did nothing, only comes every wekeend to go to mountains and be served...there were many nice moments, but this pressure and humilitaion goes on and on
I never me his friends, family only once and he never involved me in his life really..when I started to ask questions, he said I am pushing and that some things are not my business.... questions why I do not meet his friend (he did mine as well my family many times), why I do not know anything about his plans
He never contruíbuted for costs of apartment, sometimes he bought food, he never took me enywhere but mountains... first year that we went on vacation to the sea side, I paid everything and then I got his part in several instalments... and I did not say anything,,,
If I work a bit more , he is saying I am stupid..and that all I care is work and he does not matter...he wants go define my working hours, by saing this is good for me..he always says he invest a lot into me (trainigs, advices).I am really stuid and naive to think he is good and these bad things are the conesquence of the way he was raised and parents that are egos and only materialistic...I am trying to give him time, love, care (cooking, washing), spending my money (while he buys maybe sometin´mes some food and nothing else)
for him people a stupid.. the ones he knows, the ones he does not... beside this close family I never heard positive things about other people.. for the outside he is nice and polite, but he has opinion a´bout everyone and everything...
I tried to talk with him that poeple are different and that we cannot change other, we can give them ossibility to get better without pressure, that if you ar with someone you need to accet this person as is..he says it is his right to change me... but for me this means that he does not care who am I, only that he found someone that loves him and he can abuse emotionaly...
I let him to isolate me from people, that time is dedicated to him mostly..I tired to accomodate, to be his support, to nurture him, but nothing is worth... sicne I do not train hard and do not show results, I am stupid and i am not progressing in life.
I have found better job and I will be moving form this city I live now..I will be working and living in the same city he is living in...I found apartmnet (much smaller than this one) in the same area he lives,, but amazingly I did not tell him the address... he does not ask if he can help with relocation.. even he has a lot of his stuff in my apartment (clothers, shoues, sports gear)...
I asked my friends to help me withr elocation and they will come to help me... to relocate from one country to another aint easy and it takes time and plans...
I need to find myself and my self-esteem back..I need to tell him what is acceptable and what not for me,,,not only what he demands..and I need to start loving me first!!
Since I am in front of new job , new apartment and city, what should I do? Does it make sense to talk to him and try to make him understand that relationship is not how he is treating me? should I even consider that he can come to my new place same as he does now? or should I just pack his things, and leave him...so not easy, as I still love him, but on th eother side I knoe he is damaging me and ruining my life... Ihave the feeling he does not want be to be successful, and also not to be better than him...my friends said , the ones that met him- that he is the person I should run away fast and that the theyd not see he is successful....
how to make deckision and stand for me? I believe i fact, that if someone loves you, he/she will try everything that both are happy and moreover loved ones are accepted as they are ...
Thank you for help and apologies for mixed writing.
Tiziana
since i am not able to end my mirserable relationship, if this is even a relationship, I need advise how to do it. I know I am killing myself with this relationship and it is worse and worse. One side of me is saying , just go and start buidling life step by step, another side is , as it seems, scared to be totally alone (even I am already alone in relationship).
I am with a guy for 2,5 years and every day is worse and worse. he is treating me like shit, humiliating, saying I am stupid and that I have no clue abut life, relationship, nothing.
at the beginning everything was ok, but after one year it started- he started to push me to train every day hard and if I did not reach his demands ( how fast I am running, how fast I reach the summit of the mountain) he became neagative in words...that I cannot do anything, I am slower than everybody..even I like sports and nature, I have my limit and I cannot run fast, I cannot go to mountains with fast pace.. but
in my opinion, this does not matter, if someone loves you... I tried to accomodate to him in all ways..I know too much and I have not set up any limits and budaries (which was a big mistake).
Every free moment is a must to train, wekeend to go to mountains..it was hard for me, as I could not go as fast as he and more and more he was humiliating me with words... I tried to explain that important is, that I start and try and that I do not need to do everything his way.
We do not live together, even when I moved to another city we planned he will join.. I found apparment big enough for two people and organized and furnished it nicely..I believed that he will join me... he did nothing, only comes every wekeend to go to mountains and be served...there were many nice moments, but this pressure and humilitaion goes on and on
I never me his friends, family only once and he never involved me in his life really..when I started to ask questions, he said I am pushing and that some things are not my business.... questions why I do not meet his friend (he did mine as well my family many times), why I do not know anything about his plans
He never contruíbuted for costs of apartment, sometimes he bought food, he never took me enywhere but mountains... first year that we went on vacation to the sea side, I paid everything and then I got his part in several instalments... and I did not say anything,,,
If I work a bit more , he is saying I am stupid..and that all I care is work and he does not matter...he wants go define my working hours, by saing this is good for me..he always says he invest a lot into me (trainigs, advices).I am really stuid and naive to think he is good and these bad things are the conesquence of the way he was raised and parents that are egos and only materialistic...I am trying to give him time, love, care (cooking, washing), spending my money (while he buys maybe sometin´mes some food and nothing else)
for him people a stupid.. the ones he knows, the ones he does not... beside this close family I never heard positive things about other people.. for the outside he is nice and polite, but he has opinion a´bout everyone and everything...
I tried to talk with him that poeple are different and that we cannot change other, we can give them ossibility to get better without pressure, that if you ar with someone you need to accet this person as is..he says it is his right to change me... but for me this means that he does not care who am I, only that he found someone that loves him and he can abuse emotionaly...
I let him to isolate me from people, that time is dedicated to him mostly..I tired to accomodate, to be his support, to nurture him, but nothing is worth... sicne I do not train hard and do not show results, I am stupid and i am not progressing in life.
I have found better job and I will be moving form this city I live now..I will be working and living in the same city he is living in...I found apartmnet (much smaller than this one) in the same area he lives,, but amazingly I did not tell him the address... he does not ask if he can help with relocation.. even he has a lot of his stuff in my apartment (clothers, shoues, sports gear)...
I asked my friends to help me withr elocation and they will come to help me... to relocate from one country to another aint easy and it takes time and plans...
I need to find myself and my self-esteem back..I need to tell him what is acceptable and what not for me,,,not only what he demands..and I need to start loving me first!!
Since I am in front of new job , new apartment and city, what should I do? Does it make sense to talk to him and try to make him understand that relationship is not how he is treating me? should I even consider that he can come to my new place same as he does now? or should I just pack his things, and leave him...so not easy, as I still love him, but on th eother side I knoe he is damaging me and ruining my life... Ihave the feeling he does not want be to be successful, and also not to be better than him...my friends said , the ones that met him- that he is the person I should run away fast and that the theyd not see he is successful....
how to make deckision and stand for me? I believe i fact, that if someone loves you, he/she will try everything that both are happy and moreover loved ones are accepted as they are ...
Thank you for help and apologies for mixed writing.
Tiziana
Comment