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Hello all,
I'll start off by saying I'm completely new here, and have been wanting to talk about this for some time. Unfortunately, as adults, we lose many friends due to the many stresses of life, and I don't have very many people to talk to (that I trust opening up to). What better than a complete group of strangers?
I'll start off by saying that my fiancé and mine's relationship started and progressed very quickly, we found out only after a month of dating that we were expecting. Our daughter is a beautiful ray of sunshine in this otherwise dreary episode of a relationship. In the beginning, we both had immense issues such as excessive drinking amongst other things. Over the course of the four years that we have been together, both of us have done a remarkable job cleaning up our act, a side effect of becoming parents I assume. With that said, we are not a team. After about a year of dating, I found out that she had been unfaithful and seeking attention from other men. Most likely due to the fact that I was still working on my issues to become a better person not only for our daughter, but for her as well. Unfortunately, I know the exact depth of her actions, but she refuses to acknowledge that anything has in fact happened. There is no genuine remorse, let alone attempts to regain my trust. There is no understanding that what has happened, has destroyed me while I attempted to become someone that she could be proud of. I have attempted multiple times to forgive her, but mentally, I'm unable to do so. Its become almost a monthly occurrence that I find more things that she is attempting to hide behind my back (serious stuff such as narcotics etc.). And when I question her about said occurrence's, I'm hit with the "your controlling me, I'm not your puppet" line. For the record, my "controlling" aspects are, I just want to know what's going on, in an attempt to try and build the trust back.
I've come from a severely messed up "Jerry Springer" style family. Along with several mental issues, my parents fought every night and day. Police were called multiple times, both spent time in and out of jail/prison, and drugs were most definitely on a party platter between them. I do not want any of this for my daughter, I swore that I would never subject her to anything like I had to go through growing up. Unfortunately, I'm starting to get the feeling that the more I put myself through staying with her mother, the more toxic the relationship grows. We never get physical with each other, and arguments are within a reasonable tone. Neither of us have been in trouble with the law, except for a speeding ticket (guilty...). I've been shown that mistrust, anger, and disloyalty is the norm, with what I've grown up with. I have never cheated on her, and refuse to stoop to her level out of respect for myself.
As stated in the title, I want to love her. More so, for the sake of giving my daughter the family that I never had growing up. Mentally though, I'm unable to trust her or forgive her when she is constantly going behind my back and essentially living a double life outside of our daughter and I. I'm tired of all the lies, I'm tired of constantly feeling like I'm doing something wrong when in reality, I'm a person nowadays that I always dreamed of being. By all means, I'm still very much a work in progress, I will not dispute that one bit. But I do feel as though I should be given at least some respect for staying through infidelity, and changing my ways. Maybe she liked who I used to be? The drunk who would down close to a fifth of whiskey every night amongst other bad habits.
I guess what I'm looking for advice for is, should I even attempt to stay anymore? Should I cling to the hope that she will come around and finally come clean about everything, and we could move on? Or should I cut my losses, and start anew? I'm trying to be strong for our daughter's sake, but this man is starting to buckle....
I'll start off by saying I'm completely new here, and have been wanting to talk about this for some time. Unfortunately, as adults, we lose many friends due to the many stresses of life, and I don't have very many people to talk to (that I trust opening up to). What better than a complete group of strangers?
I'll start off by saying that my fiancé and mine's relationship started and progressed very quickly, we found out only after a month of dating that we were expecting. Our daughter is a beautiful ray of sunshine in this otherwise dreary episode of a relationship. In the beginning, we both had immense issues such as excessive drinking amongst other things. Over the course of the four years that we have been together, both of us have done a remarkable job cleaning up our act, a side effect of becoming parents I assume. With that said, we are not a team. After about a year of dating, I found out that she had been unfaithful and seeking attention from other men. Most likely due to the fact that I was still working on my issues to become a better person not only for our daughter, but for her as well. Unfortunately, I know the exact depth of her actions, but she refuses to acknowledge that anything has in fact happened. There is no genuine remorse, let alone attempts to regain my trust. There is no understanding that what has happened, has destroyed me while I attempted to become someone that she could be proud of. I have attempted multiple times to forgive her, but mentally, I'm unable to do so. Its become almost a monthly occurrence that I find more things that she is attempting to hide behind my back (serious stuff such as narcotics etc.). And when I question her about said occurrence's, I'm hit with the "your controlling me, I'm not your puppet" line. For the record, my "controlling" aspects are, I just want to know what's going on, in an attempt to try and build the trust back.
I've come from a severely messed up "Jerry Springer" style family. Along with several mental issues, my parents fought every night and day. Police were called multiple times, both spent time in and out of jail/prison, and drugs were most definitely on a party platter between them. I do not want any of this for my daughter, I swore that I would never subject her to anything like I had to go through growing up. Unfortunately, I'm starting to get the feeling that the more I put myself through staying with her mother, the more toxic the relationship grows. We never get physical with each other, and arguments are within a reasonable tone. Neither of us have been in trouble with the law, except for a speeding ticket (guilty...). I've been shown that mistrust, anger, and disloyalty is the norm, with what I've grown up with. I have never cheated on her, and refuse to stoop to her level out of respect for myself.
As stated in the title, I want to love her. More so, for the sake of giving my daughter the family that I never had growing up. Mentally though, I'm unable to trust her or forgive her when she is constantly going behind my back and essentially living a double life outside of our daughter and I. I'm tired of all the lies, I'm tired of constantly feeling like I'm doing something wrong when in reality, I'm a person nowadays that I always dreamed of being. By all means, I'm still very much a work in progress, I will not dispute that one bit. But I do feel as though I should be given at least some respect for staying through infidelity, and changing my ways. Maybe she liked who I used to be? The drunk who would down close to a fifth of whiskey every night amongst other bad habits.
I guess what I'm looking for advice for is, should I even attempt to stay anymore? Should I cling to the hope that she will come around and finally come clean about everything, and we could move on? Or should I cut my losses, and start anew? I'm trying to be strong for our daughter's sake, but this man is starting to buckle....
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