same hobbies?

[TIZIANA]

Hi everybody,
I had thus weekend a bit burnning duscussion with my friend...our relationship is really not good and even with bad attitude he has towards me, I am still tryinv to find a way to make it better.
He explained me, after 2,5 years, that in order to have good relationship, I must achieve results in sports at the level he expects..so that we can go to mountins, via ferrata together (and similar pace).
Is it normal, that partners have equall hobbies? Does this really mean good relationship?
I like sport but also other things in life...and I am not used to go to mountains running just ti reach tind targetHe knew from first contact what are my capacities for sports , now he said if you do not train hard (meaning like a pro daily) you do not advance in life.

I reallyl lke him, bug this is destroying me...I already made so much compromises ...too much....he did not...is it really a muss that partners are obliged to havs samd hobbies and spend all free time together?

Thanky for your advice and perspective.

[Becky]

It isn't obligatory you must have same hobbies with your partner, but it's important you spend time together. However, I think he's putting to much pressure on you, so talk to him about this.

[TIZIANA]

Hi Becky..that is main problem..he does not see the pressure is too high..I like sports but his demands are killing me..and I like mountaing but I fo not like via ferata..he said that what he demand is a must...nothing else metters for him...it is not possible to talk..I just need to do it...imagine coming from work...immediatelly go workout..than cook..clean...wash...he foes not do anything as everything else is for him waste of time...meeting friends snd grab a coffee is waste of time..I really fo not know what to do..his pressure is creating negative efffect..what can I do..I like e him.much, even if he does treat me sometimes like shit, no help, no treaties...how to naje him understand he needs to be less "life is a pain" way

[Bill]

I think you have the right boyfriend. Anybody that pushes you to succeed is a good person, and your boyfriend is doing just that. He wants you to succeed but isn't going to leave you if you don't. So, stick with him and you'll definitely become as successful as he's.

[TIZIANA]

Hi Bill,

I know it is good to have someone to push you forward..and it is fine...but the problem is, that it is too much..I like sports and I know that it can bring results in many area..but I cannot achieve his requirements...not in such way...you may say thus is excuse, yet in life we have also jobs and makinghome home(cleaning, cooking etc), learning, meeting friends...his demand is that my main focus is training..he defines when I should go to work and come from work...and then immediatelly workout...again I am for sports and success and growth, but he simply does not accept anything else ...I am tired, cannot sleep, cannot meet friends...nothing but workout..... he never needed to do anything but workout, no other obligation he had .and he is sometimes very mean in words...I do like him much but how can I open his eyes that he is too hard...how to mske him.understand that he should motivate not destroying motivation...when I had ankle damaged, he pushed me to workout snx afzer a year I still have problems...I do not look for excuse but I need help to explain him he should be"softer"

[Black_Korean]

I think I can relate, my bf too was somewhat like that. I think what you need is communication. I mean having a real talk with him. I disagree with his actions as I believe you don't have to compromise to the standards set by your partner in a relationship in order to make it work, it will only cause damages. Relationship is a two way thing not a one man job, basically what he's doing is asking you to conform your way of life to the one which suits him. But this may not necessarily be his fault, he may not even realize that you feel pressured by it. That's why communication is important, I think you should sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him, try to explain your stance to him. I know you may be scared that he'll probably start to lose interest in you if you disappoint his expectations but that's not necessarily true. And I think it's better you sort things out now than wait till you collapse or snap under the load of pressure, at that time there are only two options, you may end up lashing out and commit a n irreparable damage or totally lose sense of who you truly are. Goodluck