Overthinking

[Anastazja28]

Hello everyone,
I really need a piece of advice or rather explanation. I am an overthinker and I had many battles in the past, many bad things happened when I was a child and then a teenager. I went to see a therapist and the therapy lasted for more than 2 years. After that, I have learned to rely only on myself and no one else because it's not safe to build your well-being based on someone's behavior. And the thing is. I met a guy. In another country that I currently live in. It was so easy with him. I have never had a boyfriend, I have never been in love (only crushes, many of them) but being with him was like finding a safe harbor, a home. We have connection, similar views, sense of humor. I see my future with him, our kids have already their names. But. I am an overthinker. So. I need someone's opinion. He has been helping me a lot. A lot! He is my support here, in a foreign country, helps me with my job troubles and finding a new job. He accepted all my flaws, insecurities, my background, my family stories (not so happy), all of my problems that I had to deal with during therapy. He loves me and does everything for me. Literally. He even tries to heal my wounds that my therapist didn't help me with. And because of that, I started overthinking. A lot. Because I was told that I can do everything on my own that I don't need anyone to deal with my problems. And there he is, helping me. And I started thinking that I love him because he helps me and I feel very thankful. Really, I love him but I am afraid that for wrong reasons. I should love him because of who he is and not because of what he does, right? Or maybe I don't understand love? I tell him to give me time because I want to deal with everything on my own, without his help but I can't help it but I feel so good with him when he is So sweet and caring that then I feel remorse and doubts because I should love him for who he is and not what he does. And speaking about what he is. He is intelligent, funny, resourceful, respected by everyone, sweet, patient, nice with everybody, strong with his beliefs, protective. I feel safe with him and I am afraid of losing my independence. I am afraid I love him because I have reasons and I am afraid that now I will rely on him and not myself. My therapist said that I am overthinking and people fall for each other because of the reasons and if he treated me differently, I wouldn't have feelings for him. But is that True? I think I am crazy to question my feelings because I met a perfect guy for me. And I was told guys like him don't exist and I should rely only on myself. Please help me clear this up. I really don't want to live without him. Yes, I am in a foreign country, I have no one, only him. I miss my independence, my country and my job. But I don't want to leave him. It's imposible to meet another guy who is So amazing. Literally, amazing. And because of that, I am also overthinking that maybe I am with him because he is So amazing and I doubt there is another guy in this world who could be so wonderful. Literally, he is my definition of perfection (not perfect but perfect for me). Please, help

[Tina]

People fall in love for various reasons, so it's not wrong to be in love with him for what he does. As a matter of fact, if you love someone for who he's like you claim, you are definitely going to dislike him if he treats you like dirt. I urge you to stick with him, and don't contemplate leaving him.

[Jerome]

What you have is real love period! You must have a reason for loving someone. If you love someone based on physical looks, then it's not love but infatuation. It's best to be with someone that makes you happy, because that person that makes you happy is the one you love.