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Hello, I just signed up on this forum because I am out of the options, and I figured maybe people on forums could have some useful advice for me. My situation is complicated. I have to start from the beginning. I have not dated much in my teen days, so when I got to college, I met new people and I met my future boyfriend and fiance. He is my first love, he was my best friend, we have been together for 7 years and 6 months when we broke up this August. We came to America together, lived without any help of our family and friends, we got even closer. We did everything together, we went through a lot, my dad's passing, then he left our country for five months, so we were on long distance, we made it, then we left our country together. Anyway everything was perfect in our relationship, he even proposed two years ago on our vacation. There was a problem with engagement, since we are not citizens yet, i could not just marry him in the States.
We liked to do everything together, we just clicked perfectly. We liked same stuff, same movies, perfect match. He cared about me so much, and I cared about him. Then in June this year..my boss hired a new guy, his old friend.
That guy is 10 years older than me and my ex. He is completely different person. Like you see black and white color. He is very friendly and funny and cool to be around. We had fun at work, it was nice going to work in those month, I could not wait for Monday. Little did I know that something else was happening, he told me he liked me even though he new I was in a long relationship. He kissed me one day in July and I kinda lost my mind. I was so confused. I was that lost that I told my ex that I did not know what I felt about him anymore. I said that to my ex. I told him about colleague, and he actually knows him, they met a year before, they went fishing together with a mutual friend. He was so hurt, and I was so blind I could not see anything and what I did to my ex.
He moved out from our apartment. And I kept seeing this new guy..i was sad and I cried a lot but when I was with him I was okay and happy and normal. New guy was so sweet to me at the beginning, he order flower delivery to my desk at work, and when i felt i was going crazy, i book a trip to get away from both of them. And I kept in touch with my ex all this time. We just cant stop talking. He called me few times to get together and talk about us, but I was with a new guy and could not take the call. I regretted later. That was in September.
Then I had a horrible month with a new guy, he moved in in October, so he can help me with my expenses, I cant afford living by myself. My ex took the car. So yeah..you get the picture. New guy moved in, it was very tough, completely different person lives in my apartment, and we argued a lot, we almost broke up, but I kinda gave another change because it was my fault too for having so much issues. I am used to something else, I get that. So i tried to relax and enjoy and calm down as much possible. It was hard. He was so jealous of my male friend, and we also had some events that I was looking forward a lot and we had a fight and I did not even go. He has some habits that I am not used to. He likes to take a long naps and that drives me crazy, like 4h naps. He is into smoking, drinking and chilling all the time, and I am more on the active and healthy lifestyle side.
We had a weekend getaway and we managed to fight even there...but we made up next morning. Anyways its a long story, let me try to wrap this up. I started feeling sad, depressed, anxious, no desire to cook, work out, did not want the Christmas tree this year (first time), just basically I am like a walking ghost. I even did natal because I am looking for some solution, because I feel lost and trapped. I also need to say that I am not a big driver myself, so i rely on my partners (obviously wrong I know).
Whole December I feel awful. I feel so unhappy and so depressed. New guy and me had some lovely days, but we had some bad ones too, where i was upset and such. So I was thinking of my ex a lot, and the past and how everything was simple with him. He knows me so well, and I am myself with him. I miss that feeling.
So for the past few days I keep telling new guy that I should try to be alone for a change (its a risk and it will be tough financially) he gets upset and sad, and I then I get sad because I do have some feelings for him, but him and I dont work out...we keep saying that we are trying to work out...but we are so different. He was born in America, I am from Europe. Age difference is there too, the way we want to live our lives, he is into getting a family and settle down and buy properties, and I am more into fun, going out, eating out, spending money, traveling..but there are feelings between us, he told me he loved me, I am not there yet, but I do have something.
Its been 10th day since I kinda broke up, but he is still in my apt, and we had some fights, but like i said we cant stay angry for long. He is been really cute and nice for the past couple days and its been hard for me to tell him to move out.
I want to try with my ex again, but I need to finish with current one. My ex wants to try again..but he told me I should be by myself for awhile and then we can back together. So I have to finish things with current guy but it is so hard. I have never been in this situation, I dont have much experience with guys. And I kept telling him that I think I should be alone, but he is like that is a mistake, once i leave the apartment, i am never coming back...that kinda a guy. He asked me what is my plan..he knows how much i earn and he told me that i am gonna struggle. He was persistent to find out what my plan is..but I said i have no plans. That was few days ago, when I didn't have a plan.
After seeing my ex yesterday, I kinda want to do everything to get together with him. But the new guy is super nice ans sweet and I cant tell him to leave.
I am sorry this is so long, and I am not even half there, but lets finish here.
We liked to do everything together, we just clicked perfectly. We liked same stuff, same movies, perfect match. He cared about me so much, and I cared about him. Then in June this year..my boss hired a new guy, his old friend.
That guy is 10 years older than me and my ex. He is completely different person. Like you see black and white color. He is very friendly and funny and cool to be around. We had fun at work, it was nice going to work in those month, I could not wait for Monday. Little did I know that something else was happening, he told me he liked me even though he new I was in a long relationship. He kissed me one day in July and I kinda lost my mind. I was so confused. I was that lost that I told my ex that I did not know what I felt about him anymore. I said that to my ex. I told him about colleague, and he actually knows him, they met a year before, they went fishing together with a mutual friend. He was so hurt, and I was so blind I could not see anything and what I did to my ex.
He moved out from our apartment. And I kept seeing this new guy..i was sad and I cried a lot but when I was with him I was okay and happy and normal. New guy was so sweet to me at the beginning, he order flower delivery to my desk at work, and when i felt i was going crazy, i book a trip to get away from both of them. And I kept in touch with my ex all this time. We just cant stop talking. He called me few times to get together and talk about us, but I was with a new guy and could not take the call. I regretted later. That was in September.
Then I had a horrible month with a new guy, he moved in in October, so he can help me with my expenses, I cant afford living by myself. My ex took the car. So yeah..you get the picture. New guy moved in, it was very tough, completely different person lives in my apartment, and we argued a lot, we almost broke up, but I kinda gave another change because it was my fault too for having so much issues. I am used to something else, I get that. So i tried to relax and enjoy and calm down as much possible. It was hard. He was so jealous of my male friend, and we also had some events that I was looking forward a lot and we had a fight and I did not even go. He has some habits that I am not used to. He likes to take a long naps and that drives me crazy, like 4h naps. He is into smoking, drinking and chilling all the time, and I am more on the active and healthy lifestyle side.
We had a weekend getaway and we managed to fight even there...but we made up next morning. Anyways its a long story, let me try to wrap this up. I started feeling sad, depressed, anxious, no desire to cook, work out, did not want the Christmas tree this year (first time), just basically I am like a walking ghost. I even did natal because I am looking for some solution, because I feel lost and trapped. I also need to say that I am not a big driver myself, so i rely on my partners (obviously wrong I know).
Whole December I feel awful. I feel so unhappy and so depressed. New guy and me had some lovely days, but we had some bad ones too, where i was upset and such. So I was thinking of my ex a lot, and the past and how everything was simple with him. He knows me so well, and I am myself with him. I miss that feeling.
So for the past few days I keep telling new guy that I should try to be alone for a change (its a risk and it will be tough financially) he gets upset and sad, and I then I get sad because I do have some feelings for him, but him and I dont work out...we keep saying that we are trying to work out...but we are so different. He was born in America, I am from Europe. Age difference is there too, the way we want to live our lives, he is into getting a family and settle down and buy properties, and I am more into fun, going out, eating out, spending money, traveling..but there are feelings between us, he told me he loved me, I am not there yet, but I do have something.
Its been 10th day since I kinda broke up, but he is still in my apt, and we had some fights, but like i said we cant stay angry for long. He is been really cute and nice for the past couple days and its been hard for me to tell him to move out.
I want to try with my ex again, but I need to finish with current one. My ex wants to try again..but he told me I should be by myself for awhile and then we can back together. So I have to finish things with current guy but it is so hard. I have never been in this situation, I dont have much experience with guys. And I kept telling him that I think I should be alone, but he is like that is a mistake, once i leave the apartment, i am never coming back...that kinda a guy. He asked me what is my plan..he knows how much i earn and he told me that i am gonna struggle. He was persistent to find out what my plan is..but I said i have no plans. That was few days ago, when I didn't have a plan.
After seeing my ex yesterday, I kinda want to do everything to get together with him. But the new guy is super nice ans sweet and I cant tell him to leave.
I am sorry this is so long, and I am not even half there, but lets finish here.
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