Does He Care For Me At All?

[Jane]

Hi Everyone,

There is something that is really bothering me and confusing me in my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months and I have never felt so in love yet so miserable and disconnected from any man before. I feel almost electric when we are together, although when we’re apart I feel as though he doesn’t care at all - He barely calls me when he says he will, sometimes he will go out all night with his mates and not call or cancel plans with me, and I have caught him lying about who he’s with and where he is. I feel as though I should ignor his calls and say no to meeting up, except I love spending time with him so I always give in. I feel such highs and lows, I’m often edgy, doubting myself and anxious and I know this isn’t good for me. I feel sick. What should I do? Does he care for me at all?

[Jerome]

Hello Jane, The fact that you feel sick is a huge warning sign! I am sure that he cares for you the best way he knows how, which sounds to me that it may not be how you would like to be cared for. If you value a man who is kind, considerate, thoughtful and a man of his word then it would appear that your and your boyfriends values are out of alignment, which makes it next to impossible to experience healthy love and connection. Also, you have taught him that his poor behavior is rewarded by seeing more of you, and it appears to me that you are overriding your better judgment - and not treating yourself with the love and kindness you so much want from him.

This is what I call being seduced by the illusion you have of him – it would seem that you’re attracted and hooked to his; charm, looks, his words, the sex, the money or whatever he delivers on the surface and not the true core or the essence of the man, you’re more focused on his potential rather than who he is TODAY – and this is a topic that plays an important part in my program. Instantly Access It Here

It sounds to me you want him to be something he’s not and when you spend time with him you get a glimpse of something you like – which soon VANISHES. It seems that he is only nice to you and want to see you when it suits him. There is no consistency, nothing solid that makes you feel safe and secure and you wonder why you feel anxious and sick.

Jane, If you are wanting an open and loving relationship then I ask you – is this guy open and loving consistently? You said you love him? What do you love about him? His lies, his lack of honour… or are you loving that sometimes he wants to see you and sometimes he makes you feel good? Sometimes is not consistently!

Jane, There are 3 things that I would encourage you to take away:

1) If a guy does not treat you well. Then do not stand for it, you must have boundaries. There is no need to make a fuss, simply - Do not take his calls and do not see him when HE wants to see you. See him when you’re ready or if at all! When you are needy and desperate to be with this person you will it difficult to do this, so I encourage you to get my Never Lose Him Program to help you work this stuff out quickly and easily.

2) The longer you stay with someone who doesn’t treat you well and doesn’t love you in a healthy intimate way is creating more distance, months or ever years from you meeting someone who loves, cares for you and treats you with real love, respect and consideration.

3) If you really loved you and listened to you, what would you do? If a friend told you this situation – would you tell her to give him more of a chance or not? I encourage you to be strong enough to start listening to your own advice. Love you by listening to you.

4) When you first met, in the first couple of weeks or the first month did you notice certain behaviors that you thought were not in alignment with what’s important to you or what you want in you relationship or in a partner? If so, what stopped you from paying attention and listening. Instead of stepping back to see and observe, you moved forward and closed your eyes, hoping that you were incorrect. Ladies, pay attention from the get-go.

In my program I have 3 very specific chapters (and many more) that will assist you to make sense of the “confusing” men and have you breaking free from the illusion, which will move you towards the kind of love you deserve and the kind of love that is waiting for you.

[Kate]

A woman commonly asks the question 'Does he even care about me?' when the man they love and care "goes missing" or behaves distantly towards them. No matter how keenly a man has been pursuing a woman, it is natural for a woman to wonder if he has lost interest when his behaviour changes...

When this happens, the only way for you to know if a man still cares about you is to wait and observe his actions. Men show their care through actions much more than words. Talk is cheap. Actions take time, energy and effort. If a man is willing to spend his time and energy talking to you it means he is interested. But if he spends time, money and energy going to look for you, it is safe to say that he cares about you.

If a man suddenly becomes very busy and does not contact you, do not panic. There is a high chance that he is genuinely busy with his work and other important matters in his life. Give him some time to settle his things. If he can't get you out of his mind, he WILL call.

Don't rob yourself of the precious opportunity to see how interested a guy is in you before you fall madly in love. And don't rob the guy you care for of the opportunity to show you how masculine he is as a 'hunter'. If you want your relationship as friend (or boyfriend) to move forward, you must make him feel good as a man. Don't pursue a man because doing so puts you in a masculine position, and him in a feminine position. When this happens, a man will lose interest in you, and he may not even know why. All he can say is probably "It just doesn't feel the same anymore."

There are many ways for a man to show he cares about you. To easily recognize this, you need to be aware of the different love languages that people use. Broadly categorized, the 5 love languages (as written by Gary Chapman) are:

1. Words of praise,

2. Acts of service,

3. Quality time,

4. Physical affection,

5. Gifts.

Since the man you care about may not speak the same primary and secondary love languages as you, the way he expresses his care may have been lost on you. I say this because I used to be miserable in a relationship where my boyfriend kept expressing his love but I kept mis-intepreting it. So another way to figure out whether a guy cares about you is to become aware of the way he expresses his love.

Unfortunately, the fact that a man cares about you does not automatically mean that he cares enough about you to move forward in your relationship. That means you cannot just assume that a male friend who cares for you wants to be your boyfriend; that a boyfriend who cares deeply for you wants to be your husband. If you want a guy to initiate a deeper commitment, there is more for you to learn; more for you to do...

[Jane]

Thanks for the advice.