My partner (29f) cried and told me that I (27m) have been "terrorizing" her

[JSmith1996___]

I (27m) am in love with a girl named Angela (29f) (we all just call her “Angie” though). Angie and I have known each other since she was my upperclassman in college. We’re a somewhat unconventional couple. We both openly love one another in the romantic sense, and she is so cute and sexy. We’re committed to each other for life. However, we don’t want to marry each other, and we’ve always preferred to live in separate apartments, because we both value our privacy.

I and my male friends have a funny habit of sneaking up behind Angie and grabbing her abs. Every single time we do this, she screams and reacts with the most overdramatic, overblown kind of terror. I and the guys just touch her as a funny horny joke, and we always laugh at how unreasonably scared she gets.

Last weekend, Angela and I were out to explore a natural area/park near our city. We live in a very hot and humid state, so for the day, Angie chose to wear short shorts and a very low-cut, spaghetti strap sports bra that left nothing to the imagination. She didn’t even bring a spare shirt. We had a great time in the park, and I really enjoyed the view of my cute, shirtless partner. While we were in a secluded part of the park (there were no other visitors/tourists around), I pulled my classic prank on her again: while we were in a secluded area of the park (there were no other visitors/guests around us), I snuck up quietly behind her and put my hands on her abs. She just started screaming and yelling “oh god, oh god, oh god”, and I had to quickly shush her and tell her that she was dangerously close to attracting attention.

When we came back to my apartment, I decided to pull my prank on Angela again. Angie was sweating so badly due to how hot it was, so I snuck up quietly behind her while she was facing away from me, and I grabbed her bare abs and wiped her sweat off of them with my towel. She screamed so loudly and when I released her, she actually felt down on her knees and started crying uncontrollably and hyperventilating. She was clutching her chest and acting as if I was trying to kill her. I got down on the floor with her and just hugged her until she stopped crying. Then I gave her a ride back to her apartment.

Angela messaged me the day after this incident, telling me that she wanted me to see me. So I went back to her apartment, and the reason she wanted to see me was so that she could yell at me. We got into a huge fight, and she was crying the entire time and told me that I don’t “give a damn” about her and what I’ve been doing this entire time was “terrorizing” her. She was still wearing nothing but the same shorts and sports bra as the day before, and she told me that she was too afraid to put on a shirt or take a shower or do anything at all except stand still and stay awake (she didn’t get any sleep at all) because she was terrified that someone was going to break into her apartment and kill her. Right before I left, I picked up one of her shirts and threw it at her and told her to put it on. Rather than putting the shirt on, she just screamed and flinched and cried harder.

I don’t know what the heck has gotten into Angela. Literally the only thing I did was grab her abs twice, and she just became hysterical. Is this going to be one of those things that haunts us? How do I get over my anger at being accused of “terrorizing” the love of my life? Angela is a commissioned officer in the USAF Reserves, and she's also an expert in martial arts. Her recent behavior is so at odds with how tough she normally is, and now I question her mental stability and her fitness for being in the military. Any general advice on how we can get over this as a couple is greatly appreciated.

TL;DR my girlfriend (29f) has had an emotional breakdown and accused me of “terrorizing” her, all over some silly prank that I pulled on her. I need to know how we, as a couple, can move on from this together.

[Dennis]

I understand that you're looking for advice on how to move forward as a couple after a recent incident involving a prank that caused your girlfriend, Angela, to have an emotional breakdown. It's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding, so let's discuss what happened and explore potential ways to address the issues at hand.

First and foremost, it's crucial to acknowledge Angela's feelings and concerns. While you may have intended the prank to be lighthearted and playful, it's clear that it had a different impact on her. Everyone has different boundaries and sensitivities, and what might seem harmless to you can be distressing to someone else. In Angela's case, the repeated surprise grabbing of her abs seems to have triggered a significant fear response, leading to her emotional breakdown.

It's understandable that you may feel frustrated or confused about Angela's reaction, but it's crucial to validate her emotions and take her concerns seriously. Expressing empathy and acknowledging her feelings can help rebuild trust and create a supportive atmosphere for both of you to address the issue together.

Communication is key in any relationship, and it's important to have an open and honest conversation with Angela. Start by sincerely apologizing for the distress caused by your prank and take responsibility for your actions. Avoid making excuses or downplaying the impact it had on her. Instead, show that you genuinely understand the gravity of the situation and express your commitment to making things right.

Listen actively to Angela as she shares her perspective and concerns. Give her the space to express her emotions and be patient and understanding throughout the conversation. It's crucial to show that you're willing to learn from this experience and make necessary changes in your behavior to ensure her emotional well-being.

Consider discussing boundaries and consent with Angela. Each person has their own limits and comfort zones, and it's important to establish mutual understanding and respect for each other's boundaries. Talk openly about what is acceptable and what is not in terms of physical contact, pranks, or jokes. This will help ensure that both of you feel safe, respected, and comfortable within your relationship.

In addition to addressing the immediate issue, it might be beneficial for both of you to explore why this particular prank triggered such a strong reaction in Angela. People's emotional responses are often influenced by past experiences or underlying fears. By engaging in open and compassionate conversations, you can better understand her perspective and help her process any underlying trauma or anxieties that may have contributed to her response.

While it's important to focus on resolving the current situation, it's equally crucial to avoid making assumptions about Angela's mental stability or questioning her fitness for her military role based on this incident alone. People can react differently in various situations, and it's important to approach this as an isolated incident and address it as a couple rather than jumping to conclusions.

Remember, building a healthy and supportive relationship requires ongoing effort, understanding, and mutual respect. By actively listening, empathizing, and making positive changes, you can work together to rebuild trust and move forward as a stronger couple.

[Becky]

It seems like there has been a misunderstanding between you and Angela, and it's crucial to address the issue in a compassionate and respectful manner.

From your description, it appears that you and your friends have a playful habit of sneaking up on Angela and grabbing her abs as a joke. While you and your friends might find this amusing, it's essential to consider Angela's feelings and boundaries. What might seem like harmless fun to you could be genuinely distressing to her. People have different sensitivities and comfort levels when it comes to physical contact, and it's crucial to respect those boundaries.

In the incident at the park, when you surprised her by grabbing her abs, Angela reacted with a lot of fear and distress. Her reaction was likely a genuine expression of her emotions, and it's important to take her response seriously. It's understandable that you were concerned about her attracting attention, but it's equally vital to prioritize her emotional well-being in situations like these.

When you repeated the prank at your apartment by grabbing Angela's bare abs and wiping her sweat with a towel, she had an even stronger emotional reaction. She became overwhelmed, crying uncontrollably, and hyperventilating. It's clear that her response went beyond what you expected or intended. In this moment, it was important that you comforted and supported her, as you did by hugging her until she stopped crying.

Afterwards, Angela messaged you and requested to meet, during which you had a heated argument. It's essential to approach this conversation with compassion and openness. Listen to her concerns and emotions without becoming defensive. Remember that her perspective is just as valid as yours, and it's crucial to understand her fears and anxieties.

It's evident that Angela's reaction was intense, and she expressed feelings of fear and terror. While it might be challenging to comprehend why this prank had such a profound impact on her, it's crucial to validate her emotions and try to understand her perspective. People react differently to various stimuli based on their past experiences, traumas, and personal sensitivities. It's possible that this prank inadvertently triggered an intense fear response in Angela.

Moving forward, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with Angela about the incident and its impact on her. Show genuine concern for her well-being and ask her to share her feelings and concerns without judgment. Reaffirm your commitment to her and let her know that her emotional safety is a priority to you.

Consider discussing boundaries and establishing clear guidelines for physical contact within your relationship. This conversation can help both of you understand each other's comfort levels and ensure that you both feel safe and respected. Respecting each other's boundaries is vital for maintaining a healthy and loving relationship.

Regarding your doubts about Angela's mental stability and fitness for the military, it's important to approach these concerns with care. It's essential to remember that people can have different reactions in various situations, and one incident does not define their overall mental well-being or competence.

In conclusion, it's important to acknowledge Angela's emotional response and take her concerns seriously. Show her compassion, validate her feelings, and engage in open communication to understand her perspective. Reaffirm your commitment to her emotional well-being and work together to establish clear boundaries for physical contact. Remember, relationships require effort, understanding, and continuous growth, and by working together, you can move forward and strengthen your bond.

[TedWellness3]

To me she seems emotionally unstable. I understand she's a friend, but why do you spend so much time with her having to deal with all the drama. This is something a girl would confide in her female friends. Most men befriend a sexy girl for alterior motives.....all they want is to smash when the time is right, but most women are delusional to this. If you both don't have any intention on marrying, why put urself thru the BS & tantrums. Your friends don't respect both of yall relationship if they grabbing her arse. I bet ur gonna feel some kind of way if one of your friends smash her and you didn't. You know damn well the real reason you tolerate her. Go ahead and do what you both want, but the way u both act, all it will do is cause problems.

Good Luck Buddy