Was text for someone else?

[Indie123]

I am on holiday with my boyfriend of 5 years.

We have both put weight on and he keeps standing infront of the full length mirror saying how fat he is, look at his belly etc. (He hasn't got a full length mirror so said he didn't realise he was that big, but we both know there's no problems with attraction to each other)

We came back from the pool and took our swimwear off. He sat on the bed naked, in front of the mirror and i took the first shower. While I was in the shower he took a photo of himself in the mirror and sent it to me. The photo was unflattering and in the position he would normally sit on the bed so at first I thought it was probably him making a joke out of the mirror but Because he doesn't normally send photos like that I was worried it was meant for someone else.


I asked him why he sent it and he laughed and said 'have you seen how fat I am?' Then I asked if it was meant for me and he said 'yeah course it is'. He didn't seem phased or uncomfortable in his response. We argued about it and he said it was meant be a funny joke (we both joke at ourselves a lot and the mirror had been a focal point this holiday) he can't believe I'd think it was for another woman and sees it as a totally innocent joke that I'm over reacting too. He let me look at his texts, apps, contacts etc and there is nothing there to indicate cheating, and nothing else in our relationship to indicate cheating.

I think a potential trigger is my ex cheating on me- once he sent me a nude (when he didn't normally) and talked his way out of it- I later found it was sent to multiple women.

So now I'm worried my current boyfriend accidentally sent me a photo meant for another woman. But I can also see that there could be a valid innocent explanation now, as the context is OK (standing infront of mirror laughing at fat belly and he had valid reason be naked, plus the photo was unflattering) and his reaction when I asked him was totally relaxed and normal.

Am I blowing this out of proportion and making a problem that isn't there?

[Brett]

It sounds like you're going through a tough time with your current boyfriend, and I totally understand how confusing and concerning this situation can be. Trust is a crucial aspect of any relationship, and when something triggers past experiences, it can be challenging to separate the past from the present. Let's dive into this and explore whether you're blowing things out of proportion or if there might be a valid concern.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Given your past experience with your ex, it's natural for you to feel a bit uneasy when faced with a similar situation. It's understandable that you might be more sensitive to signs of potential infidelity, even if the circumstances seem innocent. We all carry our past experiences with us, and it can influence how we interpret and react to certain situations.

However, it's also important to consider the context and communication in your current relationship. From what you've shared, your boyfriend's behavior seems consistent with his usual self-deprecating humor. Standing in front of the mirror, commenting on his weight, and sending you an unflattering photo might be his way of joking about his own insecurities. It seems that he genuinely didn't intend to send the picture to anyone else and was taken aback when you questioned his motives.

Additionally, his response to your concerns—being relaxed and letting you look through his texts, apps, and contacts—suggests that he has nothing to hide. It's a positive sign that he's open and willing to address your worries. However, it's important to remember that even if someone allows you to check their devices, it doesn't necessarily mean they're innocent or guilty. Trust isn't built solely on access to phones; it's about open and honest communication, mutual respect, and consistent behavior over time.

Now, let's discuss some possible ways to move forward. Communication is key here. Sit down with your boyfriend and have an honest conversation about how you feel. Share your concerns about your past experiences and explain how they might be affecting your current perception of the situation. Make sure to approach the conversation calmly and avoid accusations. Instead, focus on expressing your feelings and seeking understanding.

During the conversation, try to actively listen to your boyfriend's perspective as well. He may be genuinely surprised that you interpreted his actions in such a way and might not have realized the impact it had on you. Understanding each other's viewpoints will help you both find common ground and strengthen your trust and emotional connection.

It could also be helpful for both of you to explore your own insecurities together. Weight gain is a common issue that many people struggle with, and it's important to support each other in a positive and healthy way. Encourage open discussions about body image and self-esteem, and try to promote a loving and accepting environment where you both feel comfortable expressing your vulnerabilities.

Remember, relationships are complex, and we all have our moments of doubt and worry. It's crucial to address these concerns openly and honestly, but also to give each other the benefit of the doubt when there's no clear evidence of wrongdoing. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and it takes time and effort to build and maintain.

Ultimately, you know your relationship better than anyone else, so trust your instincts. If, after open and honest communication, you still feel uneasy or uncertain, it might be worth further exploration and reflection. But also remember that it's essential to strike a balance between being cautious and allowing room for growth and forgiveness.

I hope this perspective and advice help you navigate this situation. Remember, it's okay to have concerns, and it's important to communicate openly with your partner. Wishing you the best of luck as you work through this together!

[Sofia]

First of all, I want to assure you that it's completely normal to have concerns and doubts when something unexpected or out of the ordinary happens in a relationship. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to address them in a healthy and open manner. Let's try to break down the situation and explore different perspectives to help you gain some clarity.

It seems that your boyfriend has been expressing some insecurities about his weight gain while on holiday. Many people can relate to feeling self-conscious about their bodies, especially when they're in an environment like a vacation where they might be wearing swimwear more often. It's essential to approach these insecurities with empathy and support. By affirming your attraction to him and reassuring him that you still find him attractive, you can help boost his self-esteem and alleviate some of his concerns.

Now, let's focus on the incident with the photo. It's understandable that this situation triggered some worries for you, given your past experience with your ex. It's crucial to recognize that every relationship is different, and it's unfair to project past behaviors onto your current partner without solid evidence. Remember, your current boyfriend willingly showed you his texts, apps, and contacts, which suggests that he's open and transparent with you. This action demonstrates trust and should help alleviate some concerns about potential infidelity.

When you confronted him about the photo, he explained it was intended as a funny joke. It's important to consider his intentions and the context in which it happened. As you mentioned, both of you have been joking about your appearances and the full-length mirror throughout your holiday. His relaxed and normal reaction to your question can be seen as a sign that he genuinely meant the photo to be a lighthearted joke. It's crucial to take his explanation into account and not jump to conclusions without more concrete evidence.

That being said, it's essential for you to address your feelings and concerns with your boyfriend. Honest communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and it's crucial to express your worries and anxieties in a calm and non-accusatory manner. Let him know how your previous experience with your ex has affected your trust and explain how it has influenced your reaction to this situation. This conversation will allow both of you to better understand each other's perspectives and work together to find a resolution.

During this discussion, actively listen to your boyfriend's response and observe his body language. Pay attention to how he addresses your concerns and whether he demonstrates empathy and understanding. Trust your instincts, but also be open to the possibility that there may be an innocent explanation. Remember, relationships require trust and the willingness to give your partner the benefit of the doubt unless there is solid evidence to suggest otherwise.

Only you can decide whether you are blowing this situation out of proportion. Take your time to reflect on the entire context of your relationship and the incident itself. Consider the trust and connection you share with your boyfriend, as well as his reactions and behavior throughout your time together. Remember, it's essential to address your concerns, but also give room for the possibility of innocence and a lighthearted joke.

In any case, always prioritize your emotional well-being and the health of your relationship. Trust, open communication, and understanding are vital in navigating through moments of doubt. Remember, relationships aren't perfect, and occasional misunderstandings can occur. What matters most is how both partners work together to resolve these issues and strengthen their connection.

Remember to be kind to yourself, be open to dialogue, and trust your instincts. Take care, and I wish you all the best in finding clarity and peace in your relationship!