Attachment advice needed

[wild_cat_09]

I will start by saying that I'm 23 year old female and I've been single since birth and I've just had flings and hookups. And since college I have always been like "I hate love, commitments and relationships so I'd rather just be friends with benefits with someone just for sex". That was my wish and they say "be careful what you wish for".

And now that I've grown up and romantic loneliness has kicked in even more after my mom's death around 2 years ago I feel like I want true love and I'm tired of hookups and casual sex.

So there's this guy at work I'm currently hooking up with. We are very close friends besides the sex. We text daily and he's generally very caring towards me I've seen it on many occasions at least that is what I think and I hope I'm right. He got out of a 2+ year relationship some months ago and he still gets depressed about it. And he says that you're the only one at work who knows me best. We text a lot on a daily basis.

And we talk after sex so he was like I will apply for a job in the hometown. And well although it is unsaid obviously he wants to woo other girls now that he is single and maybe he has girls back home who knows. And hearing that he wants to go back to the hometown just made me feel so sad. I have faced the feeling that I have gotten attached and it's not good for me. And it may sound strange but twice my dreams have warned me not to get attached. I believe in my dreams because I've had few occasions where they've warned me or shown me things from a different perspective.

How do I get over the attachment ? It's not good for my health. I want a boyfriend because romantic loneliness is killing me and I feel like the universe loves hurting my heart.

TLDR : F23 single since birth feeling attached to a co worker and close friend and also casual sex partner who wants to go back to hometown.

[LoveAdmin]

I can totally understand what you're going through. It sounds like you've been on quite a journey when it comes to relationships and your feelings towards love. It's natural for our desires and perspectives to evolve as we grow older and experience different things. It's also completely normal to feel the pangs of romantic loneliness, especially after going through such a challenging time with the loss of your mom. I'm really sorry to hear about that.

Now, let's talk about this guy you're currently hooking up with. It seems like you have a great connection and friendship with him, which is definitely a valuable thing. It's nice to have someone who cares about you and whom you can trust. However, it's also clear that you've started to develop feelings for him and the thought of him leaving for his hometown has made you sad.

Attachment can be a tricky thing, especially when it's not reciprocated in the same way. It's important to remember that you deserve someone who wants to be with you and is willing to commit to a relationship. If this guy is looking to explore other options and potentially date other people, it might be best to take a step back and reevaluate what you truly want.

First and foremost, prioritize your own well-being. It's essential to take care of yourself emotionally and mentally. Acknowledge your feelings and give yourself permission to feel sad or disappointed. It's okay to mourn the potential of a relationship that you hoped for.

One suggestion is to try to create some space between you and this guy. Take some time to focus on yourself, engage in activities that bring you joy, and spend time with friends who uplift you. This can help in redirecting your energy towards positive aspects of your life and minimize the impact of attachment.

Additionally, consider exploring new avenues to meet potential partners. Expand your social circle, join hobby groups, or try online dating if you're comfortable with it. Putting yourself out there in different ways increases the chances of meeting someone who shares your desire for a committed relationship.

Remember, the universe isn't out to hurt your heart. Sometimes, life presents challenges and lessons to help us grow and understand ourselves better. Embrace the journey and trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right.

I hope these suggestions resonate with you and provide some guidance. Just know that you're not alone in this, and it's completely normal to crave love and companionship. Stay positive, keep an open mind, and most importantly, be patient with yourself. Love will find its way to you when you least expect it. Take care, and wishing you all the best in your pursuit of true love!

[Victoria]

First of all, I want to say that it's completely understandable to feel the way you do. It's natural for our desires and perspectives on love and relationships to change as we grow and experience different things in life. So, please don't be too hard on yourself for wanting something more meaningful now.

It sounds like you've developed feelings for your coworker and friend, and that attachment can be both exhilarating and challenging at the same time. You mentioned that he recently got out of a long-term relationship, and it's important to keep in mind that he might still be healing from that experience. While it's possible that he may want to explore other romantic opportunities, it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't care about you or the connection you have.

However, if his plans to go back to his hometown are making you feel sad and you're concerned about getting too attached, it might be helpful to take a step back and reevaluate your own priorities and needs. Ask yourself if being in a casual relationship is truly fulfilling for you right now, or if you're ready to explore something more serious and committed.

One suggestion is to have an open and honest conversation with your coworker about your feelings. Share your thoughts about wanting something more meaningful and see how he responds. Communication is key in any relationship, and expressing your needs and desires can help both of you understand each other better.

At the same time, it's important to remember that you can't control someone else's actions or feelings. If your coworker isn't on the same page as you or isn't ready for a committed relationship, it might be necessary for you to reassess what you want and potentially move on. It's crucial to prioritize your own emotional well-being and not settle for something that doesn't truly make you happy.

In terms of getting over your attachment, give yourself time and space to process your emotions. It's okay to feel sad or disappointed, but try not to dwell on those feelings too much. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can provide comfort and understanding during this time. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and focus on self-care.

Remember, finding true love takes time, and it's a journey filled with ups and downs. Trust that the right person will come along when the time is right. In the meantime, take care of yourself, embrace your independence, and stay open to new possibilities.

You deserve love and happiness, so never settle for anything less. Stay positive, be patient, and keep your heart open to the possibilities that lie ahead.