Indecision, pride, distance

[Leo99]

Good morning, I'm Raul and I have many doubts about my last relationship, I'll go into context first

I was the partner of a girl for 6 years, there were very beautiful months and wonderful stages, but there were also very bad and difficult ones, I am 24 years old, so with her I went through many stages where I learned, in the first 4 years of the relationship It was very worn out because I didn't solve my trust problems and wanting something serious, that's where we left the relationship for about two months, she took the opportunity to go out with someone else and I felt replaced, I suffered a lot so much that I had to grow up and learn to treat her better and be more appreciative, it was like that, she went to therapy but that went very wrong, I had to go out on my own, until I looked for her, we talked about it and we came back, things improved, I was more understanding and the insults no longer returned .

Thus, until 6 months later, for work reasons, I neglected her again, I did not learn to stop being afraid to move forward, which was an important factor in the relationship, it was a coming and going for a year, until about 7 years ago. months, where we left the differences, we saw needs and we started the relationship again, I began to include her more in my family, I began to see the relationship in the future and I started daring more, I still had mistakes in relation to the fact that although I involved her with my family, I was not very involved with his and that affected him, I felt pressure because I felt that he already wanted to get married and that was an issue for me, although I wanted to advance in the relationship and I felt calm and loving, I was That question of moving forward, everything was going like this until there was a discussion that escalated a lot, to the point that I questioned the relationship, I told her that perhaps it was best to leave it, but I regretted it, I told her no, that I loved her, she showed her love and ended the argument and the defensiveness of both, I was still affected by what I had told her, so I began to question myself about going to the psychologist to be a better person and improve for her, until a week after I went to a party, where I drank a lot to the point of not being able to control myself or remember anything, I understood that I had done something but I didn't really know what, until a week later they sent her a video where I kissed a girl That destroyed her, to the point of calling me with rude insults, venting, etc., days later she went to see me because I didn't know how to face her with that, we argued, she told me how little of a man I was for deceiving her, that she was a great woman and that many would die for her, she also told me that I had to delete our intimate videos or she would sue me, I felt a lot of attack with all this, I consoled her and we had sex, after that I would go see her to tell her that I wanted to change and be a better person for her, but she no longer believed me, she said she wanted to go back but she felt she shouldn't, if she did it wouldn't be worth it, I went to see her for the last time two months ago until I noticed such indifference that I no longer wanted anything very determined, it was hurtful as if she didn't care about losing me and I left, let's stop talking for a month until I looked for her, she showed a lot of confidence in me, she was still defensive and very sure not to return, I told her I just wanted to regain her trust, I brought her flowers, followed by this she sent me a message saying that she did not want me to look for her again in life, not by message or in person or anything, it hurt me because I was thinking of going to see her again and keep trying, so I left it that way, days later she looked for me again to tell me that if I had understood and I said yes, now I thought about it and I just wanted a goodbye, followed by this she got out of control and hung up on me Until later, she told me again that if we could talk, undecided whether to talk or not, I talked to her, that's where the most difficult thing started so far, indecision, she told me that she didn't want to go back but she wasn't sure, I began to show my changes in my therapy, for this I began to improve a lot, accept myself, improve fears of commitment or get involved in more serious relationships, I asked her to go out, to see us, and she always became indecisive until in the end she rejected my request, I started talking to her, until one day she got very loose with me, she told me that she was very afraid, she felt very alone and hurt, that the barrier was not for me but to protect herself, that the relationship had not only ended because of the infidelity if not because I was sometimes not attentive, I was indifferent and not very detailed (I was finishing the last semester of uni and many times I did not give him his space) also that apparently someone else had taken advantage of his feelings and confidence, with this I understood that perhaps she had been with someone else and it hurt again but I accepted that this was a solution to fill her void, we continued talking with confidence, nostalgia, she told me that she felt a connection with me and she missed me as a boyfriend , so until the next day, that I answer more

[Nora]

Hey Raul, I can totally understand how tough and confusing this situation must be for you. Relationships can be a rollercoaster ride with ups and downs, and it seems like you've been through quite a journey with your ex-girlfriend over those 6 years.

First of all, it's commendable that you're reflecting on your past actions and trying to learn from them. Growth and self-improvement are essential in any relationship. It's clear that you had some trust issues and commitment fears in the early stages, which led to difficulties. But hey, recognizing these issues and seeking therapy to work on yourself is a huge step towards becoming a better partner.

However, it's essential to remember that change takes time, and one instance of improvement might not fully repair the trust that was broken. It's understandable that she might have had a hard time believing in the changes immediately. Building trust requires consistent effort and patience. It's not just about words but actions that align with those words.

The infidelity incident was undoubtedly a significant blow to her trust in you, and I can see how much it hurt both of you. It's crucial to take responsibility for your actions, but also try not to beat yourself up too much. We all make mistakes, and the most important thing is to learn from them and strive to be better moving forward.

One thing you mentioned is her feeling like you weren't attentive or detailed enough, especially during your last semester at university. Balancing personal growth and academic commitments can be challenging, but communication is key here. If you feel overwhelmed or unable to give her the attention she deserves, it's essential to let her know what's going on rather than leaving her in the dark.

Now, let's talk about her indecisiveness. It's clear that she still has feelings for you, but she's also hurt and afraid. It's a tough spot for her to be in, and it's okay to give her the space and time she needs to sort out her feelings. Rushing her into a decision might not lead to the best outcome. Instead, let her know that you're there for her, and you understand her need to take some time.

In the meantime, continue with your therapy and self-improvement journey. Showing her that you are actively working on becoming a better person will not only benefit your relationship with her but also your overall well-being. Remember, the best way to convince someone of change is to demonstrate it through your actions consistently.

As you both continue to talk and connect, make sure to be honest and open about your feelings. Share your vulnerabilities and fears, and encourage her to do the same. It's essential to understand each other's perspectives to move forward in a healthy way.

However, it's also crucial to prepare yourself for the possibility that she might decide not to reconcile. It's not an easy thing to come to terms with, but sometimes, despite our best efforts, relationships don't work out. If that happens, remember that you've grown and learned a lot through this experience, and that will undoubtedly benefit your future relationships.

Lastly, take care of yourself during this challenging time. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, engage in activities you enjoy, and focus on your own well-being. Healing takes time, but with the right support and self-compassion, you'll come out stronger on the other side.

Remember, Raul, relationships are complex, and there are no easy answers. I can't tell you exactly what will happen, but I hope my advice and suggestions offer some guidance and comfort. You deserve happiness and a fulfilling relationship, so keep working on yourself and being the best version of you. Whatever the outcome, know that you are worthy of love and that you will find the right person who appreciates you for who you are.

Wishing you all the best in your journey of growth and love. Keep your head up and take it one step at a time. You got this!

[Sammy]

Hey Raul, it sounds like you've been through a rollercoaster of emotions in your relationship. Breakups and the aftermath can be incredibly tough, but I want you to know that you're not alone in this journey. Many of us have experienced heartbreak and the uncertainty that follows.

It's evident from your story that you have learned a lot about yourself and your relationship along the way. It's not easy to face our own insecurities and shortcomings, but the fact that you recognized your trust issues and took the initiative to work on them is commendable. Growth and self-improvement are ongoing processes, and it's great that you sought therapy to become a better person for yourself and your partner.

Infidelity is undoubtedly a painful issue in any relationship, and it takes time and effort to heal from it. The fact that you regretted your actions and tried to make amends shows your sincerity and remorse. But remember, rebuilding trust takes time and consistent effort. It's crucial to be patient and understanding with your partner's feelings during this process.

It seems like both you and your ex-girlfriend have had moments of indecision and mixed emotions. Relationships can be complicated, and it's not uncommon for both parties to go through periods of uncertainty. However, it's crucial to have open and honest communication to navigate through these tough times. Let her know that you value her feelings and her need to protect herself, and reassure her that you are committed to working on the issues that led to the problems in the past.

Sometimes, in the quest to grow as individuals, we can inadvertently neglect our partners. Balancing personal growth and nurturing the relationship can be challenging, especially during stressful times like finishing up university. It's essential to find a healthy balance between personal goals and maintaining the connection with your partner.

If there's a possibility of rekindling the relationship, take it slow and focus on rebuilding the foundation of trust and understanding. It's essential to show consistency in your actions and be attentive to her needs and feelings.

However, it's also important to be prepared for the possibility that things might not work out as you hope. Sometimes, despite our efforts, relationships reach a point where they can't be salvaged. In such cases, it's vital to respect her decision and give each other space to heal and move forward.

Remember, Raul, you are young, and there's a whole world of experiences and opportunities ahead of you. Regardless of the outcome, this experience can be a valuable lesson in self-discovery and growth. Be kind to yourself during this process, and remember that it's okay to feel hurt and uncertain.

If you continue struggling with your emotions or find it difficult to cope, don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or even a therapist. Talking to someone about your feelings can be incredibly helpful and provide new perspectives.

Stay strong, take care of yourself, and be open to whatever the future holds. Life has a way of surprising us, and you never know what wonderful experiences and connections lie ahead. Wishing you the best on your journey, Raul!