What do you think about this ghosting sequence?

[Lils01]

Hi, my ex boyfriend after wheeks when he was more absent than usual, after a fight ghosted me.

I tried to call him back once but he never called me back. Now it’s one month and a half that we don’t hear from each other. I never called or texted him again (i guess he was fedup with me).

Before ghosting me he blocked me from seeing his Whatsapp statuses but after ghosting me he never blocked me on any Social Media.

After three weeks of ghosting he unblocked me on his Whatsapp statuses and started posting something about his life, museums, trips and so on.

It sounds strange to me that he disappeared so bad from my life, first blocked me from seeing his WA statuses and then unblocked me from Wa statuses and started to show what he is doing in his life (no women, no jealousy).

It sounds strange he didnt block me on WA.

I blocked him on my WA statuses as I dont want him to see my private life.

His behaviour sounds like a contraddiction. He wants me out from his life but doesnt block me and moreover unblocks me from his WA statuses and started posting again.

Isn’t his behaviour a little contraddictory?

What do you think he is thinking in his mind by acting this way..?

Thank you for reading me

[Scot]

I'm really sorry to hear about the confusion and hurt you're experiencing due to your ex-boyfriend's behavior. Breakups can be incredibly tough, and when someone you care about suddenly ghosts you, it can leave you feeling lost and questioning what's going on. I'm here to listen and offer some insights into his behavior, but remember that I'm not a mind reader, so I can't provide a definitive answer. Instead, I can offer some possible explanations and suggestions for how to handle this situation.

First off, it's perfectly normal to feel a bit bewildered when someone goes from being a significant part of your life to seemingly vanishing without a trace. You mentioned that he started acting distant even before the breakup, which can be an early sign of someone pulling away emotionally. Often, people distance themselves when they're dealing with personal issues or have unresolved feelings. So, let's break down his behavior step by step:

1. Increased Absence Before the Ghosting: It's concerning that he was becoming more absent than usual and then chose to ghost you after a fight. This suggests that the fight might have been a tipping point for him. It's possible that the argument triggered some unresolved issues or fears, causing him to withdraw.

2. Blocking You on WhatsApp Statuses: Blocking someone from viewing your WhatsApp statuses is a way of creating distance without cutting all ties. He might have wanted some space to focus on himself or to avoid any potential drama that could arise from seeing each other's posts.

3. Unblocking and Sharing His Life: It's indeed puzzling that he unblocked you on WhatsApp statuses and began sharing updates about his life, like museum visits and trips. This could mean a few things. It's possible he's trying to show you that he's moving on or that he's okay without you. Alternatively, he might just want to maintain a connection, even if it's a more distant one, or he could be trying to make you jealous.

4. Not Blocking You on Other Social Media: The fact that he hasn't blocked you on other social media platforms could indicate that he still values you as a friend or doesn't want to completely cut you out of his life. It's also possible he hasn't thought much about it.

Now, onto the contradictions in his behavior. It does appear contradictory, and that's likely because he's dealing with mixed emotions. On one hand, he wants to create distance and avoid any potential conflict, which is why he initially blocked you on WhatsApp. On the other hand, he might also want to keep some connection or show you that he's okay, which is why he unblocked you and started sharing updates.

So, what could he be thinking? Here are a few possibilities:

1. Confusion and Mixed Emotions: Breakups are often accompanied by conflicting emotions. He might still care about you but also want to move on with his life. This could explain the mixed signals you're getting.

2. Avoiding Confrontation: He might be trying to avoid a confrontation or a difficult conversation about the breakup. Ghosting can sometimes be a way for people to escape from dealing with emotional issues directly.

3. Testing the Waters: By unblocking you and sharing his life, he might be testing how you react. He might be looking for signs that you still have feelings for him or that you're moving on.

4. Uncertainty: He could be unsure about his own feelings and what he wants. This can lead to erratic behavior as he figures things out.

Now, what can you do in this situation?

1. Respect Your Own Boundaries: You mentioned that you blocked him on your WhatsApp statuses to maintain your privacy, which is a healthy decision. It's essential to prioritize your emotional well-being.

2. **Take Time for Self-Care**: Breakups are tough, and it's essential to focus on self-care during this time. Whether it's spending time with friends and loved ones, pursuing your hobbies, or seeking professional support, make sure you're taking care of yourself.

3. Consider Your Own Feelings: Think about what you want from this situation. Do you want to maintain some form of contact, or do you think it's best to move on completely? Your feelings and needs matter here.

4. Communication: If you feel comfortable, you can reach out to him and have an open and honest conversation. Express how his behavior has been affecting you and ask for clarification about his intentions.

5. Acceptance: Sometimes, people change, and relationships change. It's essential to come to terms with the fact that this relationship might not be what it once was, and that's okay. Acceptance can be a powerful step toward healing.

Remember, you deserve to be with someone who values and respects you. If his behavior continues to cause you distress or uncertainty, it might be a sign that it's time to move forward and focus on your own well-being. Breakups are challenging, but they can also be an opportunity for personal growth and discovering what you truly want in a relationship.

Ultimately, I hope you find clarity and peace in this situation, and I'm here to support you along the way. If you ever want to talk more about this or any other topic, feel free to reach out. You're not alone in navigating the complexities of relationships and emotions.

[Shirley]

I totally understand how confusing and frustrating it can be when someone's behavior seems contradictory, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Dealing with a breakup is never easy, and it can leave us with a lot of unanswered questions.

Now, let's try to make sense of your ex-boyfriend's behavior. It's important to remember that I can't read minds, but I can offer some possible insights based on common relationship dynamics.

From what you've shared, it does seem like your ex-boyfriend has been sending mixed signals. Blocking you from seeing his WhatsApp statuses initially might indicate that he wanted some space and distance after the fight you had. It's possible that he needed time to process his emotions and gather his thoughts. Sometimes, people choose to block or distance themselves to create a sense of independence and establish boundaries.

However, his decision to unblock you and start posting about his life can be seen as a way of indirectly reaching out to you. It's possible that he wants to show you that he's moving on and enjoying his life without you. This behavior can stem from a variety of reasons. Perhaps he's trying to elicit a reaction from you, or he's simply trying to prove to himself that he's doing just fine without you.

As for why he hasn't blocked you on other social media platforms, it's difficult to say for sure. It's possible that he doesn't see the need to block you on those platforms because they may not hold as much significance to him as WhatsApp does. Additionally, blocking someone on multiple platforms can sometimes feel like an aggressive move, and he might want to avoid escalating the situation further.

Now, let's shift the focus back to you. It's great that you've taken the initiative to block him from your WhatsApp statuses. This shows that you're prioritizing your own well-being and privacy. It's important to remember that you have control over your own actions and can create boundaries that make you feel comfortable.

In terms of advice, it might be beneficial for you to focus on your own healing and personal growth. It's understandable that you're curious about your ex-boyfriend's intentions, but dwelling on them may prevent you from moving forward. Instead, try redirecting your energy towards activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Remember, everyone processes breakups differently, and sometimes people's actions can be confusing. It's essential to prioritize your own emotional well-being and surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family who can help you through this difficult time.

I hope this helps you gain some perspective on your ex-boyfriend's behavior. Just know that you deserve happiness and love, and with time, you'll find someone who appreciates and respects you fully. Keep focusing on your own journey, and things will fall into place. Take care!

[Lils01]

Dear Scot , Dear Shirley

first of all thank you very much for your prompt and comprehensive replies which helped me to focus on my situation.
I apologize for coming back to you late, but these days I had some important commitments which absorbed me very much.

I am really touched by your caring replies and your lovely words. You helped me to have a better outline of the situation, from someone out of emotional influence.

This situation literally shocked me to the core as one month before our breaking my ex boyfriend seemed to care about me a lot. For example, we fought for the same issue, that is to say that he was a bit absent during the day, he didn’t write me all day long and in the evening he didn’t want to call me because he said he wanted to go to bed suddenly as he was much too tired as he came back from work at 9 PM.

I felt some kind of Ms. Nobody to him, so I told him I was angry and didn’t answer his (this) WA message anymore. I had not to answer the message as he was never available to speak about our problems. He was always looking for easy things and avoiding confrontation. This actually lead me to try an indirect way of communication. I swear it has no manipulatory intention.

Anyways, since my last “no-answer” he started chasing me for about 10 days. I never answered him and he wrote me all days as if nothing had happened. After some days he was writing me I understood we really cared about me and that he didn’t want to lose me, so I answered him and we started again.

One month before we had the same problem, I told him I didn’t want to go on like being a ghost in his life, I told him I wanted to give a closure to out story, but on the phone he told me “please, could we try one more time? Will you give me another chance?”. After his question I answered suddenly “yes, I want to start again with you!”. And we started again.

So, in these two past situations it seemed he didn’t want to lose me.

The third time he ghosted me when one evening he called me after sending me the usual message “tonight I am going to bed to sleep as I am crumble”. This after all week long he had been out with friends and job colleagues for dinner, appetizers and cinemas, me at home waiting for him to call me, but he usually called me after midnight when I was already sleeping.

I was exasperated. He always made the same mistakes. That evening at 6 PM after job he called me, but I didn’t answer him and I disappeared for 48 hours. I was furious, I needed time to boil off, as I didn’t want to fight.

I called him two days ago to make amends, but he never answered me and never called me back.

They are two months we don’t hear from each other.

Please notice that before being together, we have been friends for 10 years.

Five years he has been cohabitating with his ex girlfriend, then they cut off, then I went working abroad for two years and when I came back to my country he declared himself to me and I was very happy because I loved him too.

During these 10 years he has been the first who has always wanted to keep a connection with me, he always sent me Xmas and other anniversaries messages.

The last year I was afraid he was thinking about his ex, so I wanted to close that writing between us, but as I stopped writing he insisted dramatically sending me invitations quite every day.

In the end I coud not resist and I told him I wanted to go out with him too.

So, it was him the first who wanted this story, and today I don’t understand why for example his ex was always between us, he always talked about her. Example: “she was really good at her job, we made works at OUR home too, she was a very friendly person” and so on.

One time he also told me their personal details about “their showers together” and this killed me.

This was one of the reasons that made me somehow angry with his behaviour. Sometimes not respectful of my sensitiveness. That’s why in the end I blowed out.

Anyways, what is strange, is that after his ghosting I could notice some strange movements on his socials, as he never blocked me on them.

Please notice that before our breakup apart from saturday evening, when we went out together (some saturdays he could not come out with me as he went out of the city to meet relatives and friends..) each day of the week, after his work, he was busy with appetizers and his work colleagues. Every evening. I left him free, as I was busy with my job and could not reach him.

Actually, after his ghosting, I noticed that since the first day we fought and he had his two weeks holidays, he has always been sticky to his pc/smartphone all day and night long 7 days per week, included weekend evenings until night.

That’s why I am pretty sure he didn’t leave me for another woman, as it is not conceivable to stay all the time in front of your pc publishing newspapers articles and in the meanwhile attending another woman.

This is a very curious reaction. Prior to our breakup it seemed an appetizers madness and now he is closed in his room in front of his pc. I can see his movements on his socials because I have friendship on his socials. This “being sticky” to his computer has always been real until yesterday evening. So, they are two months he is alone with his pc pretty all day long. Just some days he stopped publishing these articles, it probably meant he went out with friends or with ?

But I could say it for sure that it was just two or three times since we left.

This is astonishing, as it looked like I hampered him from living.

And now? He retired from his social life himself. Curious.

In this last week he has been publishing on his WA status (after unblocking me) songs he is listening, moreover late in the evening, around midnight, when before our breakup he told me “before falling asleep I am always dreaming of you”. Odd.

Yesterday evening he published a song saying “I am weaking up and thinking of you”. Gosh.

I am thinking of manipulation. If he wanted me back he could have written to me!

Please notice that one month ago it was my birthday and he neither sent me any message, nor he phoned me. Ten days later we had planned in July a trip together with the association where he is the Director, and he neither called me to get a confirmation. He left me totally on my own.

But he reactivated his WA status and he is letting me read all his things.

He has been alone for two months at home but avoided me.

Now he is still alone at home but is publishing stupid stuff on his WA status with some kind of love song. This is mixed signals..

I have no idea why the first days of July we fought, I wanted to break and didn’t answer him but he wrote me one week long nice messages. He chased me until I came back.

But then we fought and he ghosted me. Which is the breaking point? What happened that made him let me go so easily and not wanting to (directly) get in touch anymore?

Please notice that in July he started having some problems with his job, as the Company was firing some staff. I thought his being far from me could depend on this, but he rarely talked to me about this issue.

Now I am feeling that he is thinking of me. Publishing photos of the cafe we have been together our last night (he doesn’t know I can see these posts) and saying some kind of stupid “hello” by publishing those songs on his WA status.

I still love him, but this is not a matter of love. This is a matter of trust.

How could I trust someone behaving like that all the time and then ghosting me and neither celebrating my birthday we had been planning for two months?

I somehow think he was too sure of my love.

I sometimes think I was his second choice after his breakup with his ex with whom he lived for 5 years.

I have been taken for granted by him and he thought I would have come back in any case or would never walk away.

I guess he is realizing this is not what happens in the reality and he can see I have gone away.

Silence from my socials, from my WA status, no messages, my WA profile is always the same.

I simply vanished.

I am asking myself whether he now understands that I am gone for good.

What if he comes back to me? I feel so much sorrow and now could not think of being together again.

Moreover, I cannot trust him anymore and I have my life to carry on: job, friends, interests.

I cannot invest no more time to this relation anymore, at this time. Moreover he is not engaging himself explicitly in recovering me.

But what the hell is he doing?

What the hell did he do with his disregard to me and his appetizers madness and afterwards being locked at home without having his holidays or staying 24/7 on his pc?

I am damn asking myself what happened to us and to him.

I am mentally too tired (exhausted!) trying to solve this trick.

I hope you guys would give me your external point of view, as what I now see is that he self sabotaged our relationship. First he spoiled it all, then it seems as he is regretting.

Thank you for reading me and lots of love xxx

[Shirley]

I completely understand how confused and hurt you must be feeling right now. It's clear that your relationship with your ex-boyfriend has been a rollercoaster of emotions, and his behavior has left you with many unanswered questions. Let's try to make sense of some of the events and emotions you've described.

Firstly, it sounds like your ex-boyfriend's behavior was inconsistent throughout your relationship. At times, he seemed attentive and interested in rekindling the relationship, while at other times, he distanced himself and became absorbed in his own life. This inconsistency can be frustrating and emotionally draining.

His past relationship with his ex-girlfriend might have had a significant impact on his behavior. Talking about his ex-girlfriend frequently, even sharing intimate details, could indicate unresolved feelings or lingering emotions. It's possible that he was trying to process his past relationship and its impact on his life. This doesn't excuse his insensitivity towards your feelings, though.

The series of fights and reconciliations also seem to have taken a toll on both of you. Repeated arguments and disagreements can erode trust and create an unstable foundation for a relationship. It's understandable that you reached a point where you needed to take a step back and reassess your relationship.

Now, his current behavior of posting on WhatsApp status and sharing songs that seem to hint at missing you might indeed be confusing. It's essential to remember that people can have complicated emotions, and he might be struggling with his own feelings of regret or loss. However, as you rightly pointed out, if he genuinely wanted to reconcile, a direct message or conversation would be a more straightforward approach.

Your decision to distance yourself, focus on your own life, and protect your emotional well-being is entirely valid. Trust is an essential component of any healthy relationship, and rebuilding it can be a long and challenging process.

At this point, it's essential to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. You've invested a lot of time and emotions into this relationship, and you deserve to be with someone who values and respects you consistently. It's okay to let go if you feel that this relationship no longer serves your best interests.

If he does decide to reach out and attempt to reconcile, it's crucial to have an open and honest conversation about your concerns and boundaries. However, if you choose to move forward without him, that's also a valid and healthy decision.

Ultimately, you deserve a relationship that brings you joy, security, and peace of mind. Whatever path you decide to take, remember that you have the strength to navigate through this challenging situation and come out stronger on the other side. Surround yourself with supportive friends and focus on your own growth and happiness. You've got this, and you deserve the best in life.

[Scot]

I'm truly sorry to hear that you've been going through such a complex and emotionally draining situation. It's clear that you've been deeply affected by your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling confused and hurt by his behavior.

From what you've shared, it seems like there was a series of misunderstandings and miscommunications between the two of you that escalated into a breakup. It's not uncommon for relationships to experience challenges, and sometimes these can lead to sudden and unexpected breakups.

Here are a few observations based on what you've described:

1. Communication Issues: It appears that communication was a significant problem in your relationship. Misunderstandings and unspoken expectations may have contributed to the conflicts you experienced.

2. Mixed Signals: His behavior post-breakup does seem contradictory, which can be incredibly confusing. While he may be posting on social media and sharing songs that suggest he's thinking about you, it's essential to remember that these actions don't necessarily reflect his true feelings or intentions.

3. Possible Regret: His recent actions, such as posting about your shared memories, may indeed indicate that he's feeling regret or nostalgia for your relationship. However, he may not know how to approach you directly due to pride or fear of rejection.

4. Self-Sabotage: People sometimes engage in self-sabotaging behavior, especially when they fear vulnerability or getting hurt. It's possible that he may have pushed you away unintentionally, only to realize later that he made a mistake.

Considering your feelings of mistrust and exhaustion, it's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and emotional health. Trust is a fundamental component of any successful relationship, and if it's been eroded to the point where you're unable to invest more time and energy into this relationship, it's a valid decision to focus on yourself and your own life.

Moving forward, here are a few suggestions:

1. Take Care of Yourself: Ensure that you're taking time to process your emotions and heal from the pain of the breakup. Seek support from friends and family, and consider speaking with a therapist or counselor to help you navigate your feelings.

2. Set Boundaries: Decide what kind of communication, if any, you're comfortable with regarding your ex-boyfriend. It's okay to establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.

3. Reflect and Learn: Take this time to reflect on the relationship and what you've learned from it. Understanding your own needs, communication style, and relationship patterns can be valuable for future connections.

4. Open to New Opportunities: While it's natural to still have feelings for your ex, don't close yourself off to the possibility of new and healthier relationships in the future. You deserve to be with someone who values and respects you.

Ultimately, the situation you've described is complex and unique, and it's challenging to discern your ex-boyfriend's exact motivations. However, remember that you have the power to choose what's best for your own happiness and well-being. Your life and happiness are valuable, and you deserve to focus on building a fulfilling future, whether that includes your ex-boyfriend or not.

I hope this perspective provides some insight, and I genuinely wish you the best as you navigate this difficult time. Take it one step at a time, and be gentle with yourself as you heal and move forward.

[Lils01]

Hi Scot
I appreciated a lot your kindest answers, they helped me to better understand my situation.
I am trying to hold on, but my ex boyfriend, although he ghosted me at first, is now improving his communication on his whatsapp statuses and this is upsetting me so much.
First of all I am wondering whether he could/shoud come back to me by writing or aclling directly, but I guess he fears being rejected.
It's odd, because in the past, when we were just friends, even though I did not want to answer him anymore because it seemed to me he was tricking, he always came back. Always for 10 years.
But what to say if, provided that now we had a romance and then he ghosted me, things are different? Could he come back to me as though nothing happened? Does he know he behaved so badly?
Anyways, his images and "hidden" messages on whatsapp statuses after unblocking me since we left more than two months ago, are improving.
He is now posting almost each day, and since one week he has been posting these three sentences:

- the human being arrives where love arrives: it has no boundaries but those we give it
- you know... when you are very sad, you love sunsets... (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
- you may not feel strong, but in someone's eyes you are their comfort and strength

He often posts images of sunsets with red sun and lately during weekends he is posting photos all day long saying what he is doing with photos of places he is visiting.
Often museums, once he posted a photo of a beer alone, sometimes photos pf a clear moon in the sky.
All these photos make me cry because I don't know if he regretted breaking our relation.
But what about those three sentences above? Why posting those words? Could they be addressed to me?

How do you see this new situation?
I am crying every day. I don't know if it would be better to block him forever or wait for him.
I think he should come back by calling or directly writing me should he come back.
I am worried of losing him forever, but I can't trust him anymore, as he ghosted me once so bad.

What do those sentences mean? What's going on in his head?
I am much too sad and I don't know what to do. I am much too tired in my body and soul. I will not contact him anymore, he doesn't deserve this from me, as he was the one who ghosted me..

[Scot]

I can see how tough this situation is for you, and I'm here to offer some insight and support. It's perfectly normal to feel a mix of emotions when an ex starts to resurface on social media, especially after ghosting you. Let's break down some possible explanations for his recent behavior.

1. Uncertain Feelings: The quotes and messages he's sharing on his WhatsApp statuses could be a reflection of his emotional state. It's possible that he's grappling with mixed feelings, and these messages might be a way for him to express himself without directly reaching out. However, it's essential not to jump to conclusions about them being directed at you.

2. Testing the Waters: By sharing more about his life on social media, he might be testing your reaction or hoping to get your attention. This doesn't necessarily mean he's ready to rekindle the relationship, but it could indicate some level of interest in re-establishing contact.

3. Regret and Reflection: His increased activity on social media might suggest that he's been reflecting on the past and might even feel regret about how things ended between you two. However, unless he communicates directly, it's challenging to interpret his true intentions.

Now, let's address your feelings and what you can do moving forward:

1. Prioritize Self-Care: I can't emphasize this enough. Your emotional well-being should be your top priority. If seeing his posts is causing you distress, consider taking a break from his social media or blocking him temporarily. It's okay to do what you need to heal.

2. Communication: If you want clarity, consider initiating a conversation when you feel emotionally prepared. It doesn't have to be about getting back together, but it can be a way to understand his perspective and express your own feelings. Remember, open and honest communication is key.

3. Set Boundaries: It's essential to establish clear boundaries for your own emotional protection. You've already been through a lot, and it's okay to protect yourself from further emotional turmoil. Blocking him temporarily might help you regain your peace of mind.

4. Acceptance: Understand that you can't control his actions or emotions. If he does come back, it should be his choice, but you also deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect and consistency.

Lastly, about the three sentences he's been posting, they could be directed at anyone who views his status, and while they might resonate with you, don't assume they are specifically meant for you. They seem like general, inspirational messages.

I can sense the emotional toll this is taking on you, and it's crucial to remember that your worth is not determined by his actions or decisions. You deserve someone who communicates openly and respects your feelings. It's okay to be sad, but please take care of yourself during this challenging time. Reach out to friends or a therapist for support, and remember that time can provide clarity and healing. You're strong, and you will get through this, whether he comes back or not.