Suicidal

[Kris]

Hi, I’m new here and I’m really needing advice and don’t have any one to talk to or to ask advice from.
My boyfriend is suicidal, he has been going to counselling and hopefully will continue to go. I am his only support, the only person he feels like he can talk to. We however not so long ago almost split because I’m ready for marriage but he isn’t because of issues between us which we have agreed to work on.
I know at the moment he can barely see a future tomorrow for himself. I know he is finding everyday a struggle and I’ve told myself that the depression that he’s had our entire relationship is a big reason that he hasn’t wanted to take the next step. However deep down i feel like it isn’t and if he wasn’t suicidal i don’t know if we would be together or at least I would be at a stage where I’d be asking him to make up his mind. I could never forgive myself if I walked away now and I won’t but how do I navigate a relationship not knowing where I stand and especially one that I know could very well end? He told me he didn’t love me enough to marry me. How do I help him and stay strong for him and be what he needs when my heart is in pieces and I’m barely keeping it together myself?

[Scot]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging and emotional situation with your boyfriend. It's clear that you care deeply about him, and it's incredibly important that he has your support during this difficult time. Let's talk about how you can navigate this complex situation while taking care of yourself too.

Firstly, it's essential to acknowledge that you're not alone in facing these difficulties. Many people find themselves in relationships where their partner is dealing with mental health issues, and it can be incredibly tough. Remember that you're doing a commendable job by being there for him.

Your boyfriend seeking counseling is a positive step, and it's crucial that he continues with it. Professional help can provide him with the tools and coping strategies he needs to manage his depression and suicidal thoughts. Encourage him to be consistent with therapy and perhaps even consider couples counseling to work on your relationship issues.

Regarding your desire for marriage and his hesitation, it's important to have open and honest communication about this topic. It's not uncommon for individuals dealing with mental health issues to feel overwhelmed by the prospect of major life decisions like marriage. While his depression may be a factor, it's also important to address the specific issues between you two that he mentioned. Try to have a calm and understanding conversation about what's holding him back and how both of you can work on those issues together.

I can sense the conflict within you about whether this relationship would continue if he weren't struggling with his mental health. It's natural to have doubts, but it's also important to remember that love can be complicated, and relationships often have their ups and downs. His mental health struggles are a part of his life right now, and it's a testament to your compassion and strength that you want to be there for him.

Taking care of your own mental and emotional well-being is crucial during this time. Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally taxing, and it's okay to seek your own counseling or support from friends and family. Don't neglect self-care, whether it's through activities you enjoy, exercise, or hobbies that help you relax.

Remember that you can't single-handedly "fix" your boyfriend's depression. Be there for him, but also encourage him to build a support network that extends beyond just you. Friends and family can play a vital role in his recovery.

Lastly, if you ever feel that his suicidal thoughts are becoming more immediate or intense, don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health crisis hotline or seek emergency help. Your boyfriend's safety should always be the top priority.

It's a challenging road ahead, but your support can make a significant difference in your boyfriend's life. Keep those lines of communication open, seek professional help when needed, and don't forget to take care of yourself. You're showing incredible strength and love, and that's something to be proud of.

[Shirley]

I can understand how tough and overwhelming this situation must be for you. It takes a lot of strength to support someone you care about who is going through such a challenging time. I'm here to listen and offer some advice that I hope will help you navigate this difficult situation.

First off, I want to applaud you for being there for your boyfriend. Your support means a lot to him, and it's essential to continue being a source of comfort and understanding. However, it's also crucial to take care of yourself during this process. Supporting someone who is suicidal can take a toll on your own mental and emotional well-being, so remember to prioritize self-care.

Communication is key in any relationship, especially when dealing with complex issues like this. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your boyfriend about your feelings, concerns, and needs. Express your love and support for him, but also share your own struggles and fears. Let him know that you're there for him, but also emphasize the importance of seeking professional help.

Encourage your boyfriend to continue attending counseling sessions. Therapy can provide him with the tools and coping mechanisms he needs to deal with his depression and suicidal thoughts. It's important to understand that while you can be a source of support, you are not a substitute for professional help. Encourage him to reach out to his counselor whenever he's feeling overwhelmed or in crisis.

While you're supporting your boyfriend, it's crucial to maintain healthy boundaries and not neglect your own needs. Don't be afraid to reach out for support yourself, whether it's from friends, family, or even a therapist. Surrounding yourself with a support system will help you navigate your own emotions and provide you with the strength you need to be there for your boyfriend.

In terms of your relationship, it sounds like there are some unresolved issues that need attention. It's important to have open and honest discussions about your future together. If marriage is something that's important to you and your boyfriend isn't ready for it, it's essential to have a conversation about what that means for both of you and whether you can find a compromise. Remember, it's okay to have different timelines and goals, but it's important to find common ground and ensure both of your needs are being met.

Lastly, I want to remind you that you can't solely carry the weight of your boyfriend's mental health struggles. Encourage him to seek support from other sources as well, such as friends, family, or support groups. Having a robust support system will provide him with additional outlets for expressing his feelings and finding understanding.

Remember, you're doing an incredible job being there for your boyfriend, but it's equally important to take care of yourself. Don't hesitate to seek help and support when you need it. You're not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help both of you through this challenging time. Stay strong, and I'm sending you lots of positive vibes and support.

[Kris]

Thank you both so much for being so kind and helpful I really appreciate it so so much. Your advice has already helped me feel a lot better about the situation and I’m hoping you’ll give me some more advice! Both myself and my boyfriend don’t have the support system from family and friends. That’s part of the reason he’s in such a bad place.
he lost his mother to cancer last year and our friend group exploded when she was sick and so he never got any support from them when he was taking care of her either. He has tried reaching out to his family but they aren’t very reliable and so he feels he can’t trust them.
So I am very literally his only support system. I have tried suggesting activities he can be a part of so that he has interaction with other people and hopefully find a support system outside of me that way but the issue is he’s that stubborn and hard headed that he doesn’t listen to anything that I suggest because I’ve suggested it.
Which ties into the next issue is that he’s off work and has quit which is actually a good thing because he hated it as it was mundane which meant he had no break from his brain if that makes sense but that hasn’t changed because he doesn’t go anywhere or do anything and he struggling with being motivated so he still has no mental or emotional break from everything that’s happened. He says everything that’s happened is still happening for him, he still goes through all that pain everyday. He writes so sometimes that helps but that and one 45 min session of therapy once a week isn’t enough.
now that he’s off work, I have to work in order to support him so I can’t be at home all the time to give him something to do or take him out places and when I am off work I also need that time for myself.
So any advice on how to balance all that?

[Scot]

You're very welcome, and I'm glad to hear that my previous advice was helpful. I'm here to help as much as I can. It's clear that both you and your boyfriend are facing some incredibly tough challenges, but it's wonderful that you're trying to find solutions and support each other through this.

Let's tackle the issue of his limited support system first. It's tough when family and friends aren't reliable or available. In situations like these, you can explore online or community-based support groups. There are many support groups for people dealing with grief, depression, or other mental health challenges. These groups can provide a sense of belonging and understanding that might be missing from his life right now. Encourage him to seek out these groups, and you can even help him find ones that align with his interests.

Now, about his motivation and the fact that he's off work, it's indeed important for him to have activities that provide structure and a sense of purpose. One way to help him is by creating a daily schedule together. Include activities like exercise, social interactions, self-care, and, of course, therapy sessions. Having a routine can be a game-changer when it comes to managing depression.

Encourage him to set achievable goals for himself, even small ones. It could be something as simple as going for a walk, trying a new hobby, or volunteering for a cause he cares about. These activities can help him regain a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

Also, consider involving him in activities that you both enjoy. Sometimes, doing things together can make it easier for someone with depression to engage. Even if he initially resists your suggestions, gently remind him that you're doing this because you care about him and want to see him get better. Persistence, patience, and understanding are key here.

Remember that it's okay for you to have your own time and space as well. Caring for someone with depression can be emotionally draining, and you need to maintain your own well-being to continue providing support. Make sure you communicate your boundaries and needs to him honestly. Maybe you can designate specific times for personal self-care, and during that time, he can engage in activities or spend time with online support groups.

Additionally, if possible, explore options for part-time work or flexible schedules that allow you more time to be with him while still earning an income. Financial stability is important, but your well-being and his recovery should also be priorities.

Lastly, don't forget to lean on your own support system. You need a support network too, even if it's not as robust as you'd like. Friends, online forums, or therapy for yourself can provide you with the emotional outlet and guidance you may need during this challenging time.

Balancing everything can be tough, but with patience, communication, and a willingness to adapt, you can find a way to support your boyfriend and take care of yourself simultaneously. Remember, it's a journey, and there will be ups and downs, but you're already doing a great job by seeking advice and trying your best to help him through this.