Not listening

[GG88]

So I have a massive issue that’s really really REALLY natking me off now. I’ve told him this repeatedly in all ways not saying anything at all, nicely, more forward, crying, out right rudely, screaming, full on arguments and it just doesn’t make a difference. I’ll give you today example so you know where I’m going with this. He does NOT listen to a damn thing that comes out my mouth. We are both ill today. We have a toddler running around. He mentioned he was going to sleep (on the sofa). So with the toddler this makes it a little harder on the sleeper and the none sleeper. Toddler thinks it’s funny to wake people up and gets forceful with fists toys etc anything to wake you up! So the sleep may get a whack and the bone sleeper feels they have to stop the toddler even more.(we both know this as had many a convo with anyone wanting to sleep in the front room while I watch the toddler) so after 3 hours of him napping our other child is coming home soon from school. Who always does summit to annoy you like mud everywhere on uniforms and broken everything in his bag (pens pencils etc normally ink all over white shirts) always something so I try wake him up half hour before hand so he can be awake (he always wakes in a crap mood) didn’t wake up so woke him up again after child came home. I start the convo with who’s cooking tea if it’s me.. that’s all I managed to get out. Till he’s swanned past me going well I’m not doing this because the smell of the oven kicks him off (just needs to clean the bloody bottom of the oven (which is why I wanted to know an hour before hand and for someone to watch toddler while I did) I’m like okay so your cooking then? Then proceeds to then kick off about muddy school trousers (all the while I’m still trying to have a convo about btw I’d like to have a some chill time as toddlers been a nightmare.) then he bounces on the subject of needing summit that not in the house (cigarettes) I’m like okay you do that then I’ll do tea. I’m starting tea but haven’t had chance to clean oven so I’m like I’m putting this in now then so it doesn’t annoy you while your out doing that. He says okay. I’m getting on with it he’s rabbiting about being ill and cba going then says I’m not I’m like okay well then you have to make do with what’s in then. Then he walks out the back door because the oven smell (it’s like an element smell incase anyone wondering) then comes back in says right I’ll go now I say okay. I’m about done with tea nowish just waiting for the chips to fry. He goes out the door then comes back 2 mins later saying he forgot summit so he isn’t going now. I’m like really for god sake am I gunna have to deal with this longer till you decide your actually going or NOT! Then he comes out with summit else and basically says because you made me feel uncomfortable for going to sleep. I’m like seriously we are 35!!!!!! Stop listening with children’s ears “oh she told me off for sleeping but I’m ill” instead of realising I’m asking for help with the kids and need to rest a little myself (which isn’t like HIS I’d still be in front room with children- and the other one just came home with what we think is ADHD so super hyper and loude) so I told him to shut UP and finish the tea himself. And he’s not understanding that If he just took the time to listen to me anything I was saying AT ALL then maybe he would understand me. I didn’t wake up like “hey you had enough sleep get up and look after the kids” no in fact the only reasons you THINK I’m annoyed about it is because your not bothering to ASK or even find out what I mean.


this is a cycle and anything it happens he basically acts like a kid trying to get out doing wrong and thinks that if he repeats his sentence back at me (with a few words either changed or added in there that changes his sentence) thinks I don’t noticed and only try’s to do any repair after I’ve totally lost it (after over an hour and half with his own crap and not even getting him to listen to anything I need or want or even listening to someone who started a convo with you!

uhhhhh

[Kate]

I totally get where you're coming from, and it sounds like you're dealing with a really frustrating situation. Communication breakdowns can be incredibly aggravating, especially when you're trying to navigate the challenges of parenthood and household responsibilities.

It's clear that you've tried various approaches to get your partner's attention and make him understand your needs. It's not uncommon for people to respond defensively when they feel criticized or under pressure. It seems like he's interpreting your attempts to discuss things as accusations, which can lead to this repetitive cycle of miscommunication.

First off, it's essential to acknowledge that both of you are experiencing stress and exhaustion. Parenting can be incredibly demanding, and when you're not on the same page, it adds even more strain. It's great that you recognize the need for some chill time, as it's crucial for both your physical and mental well-being.

Now, let's talk about possible solutions. It might be worth trying a more structured approach to communication. Sit down with your partner when you both have some quiet time and express your feelings without any blame. Use "I" statements to describe your emotions and needs. For example, "I feel overwhelmed and tired, and I need some help with the kids." This approach can help avoid defensiveness and make it easier for him to understand your perspective.

Consider setting up a family schedule that includes designated times for rest and relaxation for both of you. This can ensure that each of you gets the downtime you need without feeling like it's at the expense of the other. It also helps in planning responsibilities like meal preparation and child care.

Additionally, you can discuss with him how to manage conflicts constructively. Instead of escalating into arguments, try to find compromises and solutions together. Remember, you're a team, and teamwork is essential in parenting.

Lastly, if these conversations don't lead to positive changes, it might be beneficial to seek the help of a couples' counselor or therapist. They can provide a neutral and professional perspective to help both of you work through your communication issues and find ways to improve your relationship.

Dealing with a partner who doesn't listen or understand your needs can be incredibly frustrating. However, with open and empathetic communication, structured planning, and possibly professional assistance, you can break this cycle of miscommunication and create a more harmonious and supportive household for everyone involved. Remember, you're not alone in facing these challenges, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

[Richard]

I can totally understand how frustrating and challenging this situation must be for you. Dealing with a partner who doesn't seem to listen or understand your needs can be incredibly taxing, especially when you have a toddler running around and additional responsibilities to manage. It's like you're stuck in a cycle of miscommunication, and I'm here to offer some support and suggestions to help break that cycle.

First and foremost, it's crucial to remember that good communication is a two-way street. It's not just about expressing your needs; it's also about ensuring your partner feels heard and valued. Maybe sit down with him during a quiet moment when the kids are preoccupied, and have an honest conversation about how you're both feeling. Try to use "I" statements, like "I feel overwhelmed when..." rather than pointing fingers. This can help reduce defensiveness and make your partner more receptive to what you're saying.

From what you've described, it sounds like there's a need for a clearer division of responsibilities and expectations in your household. You could both create a daily or weekly schedule that outlines who's responsible for what, including childcare, cooking, and household chores. This way, it's less about asking and more about fulfilling the agreed-upon roles.

Another helpful technique is active listening. Encourage your partner to genuinely pay attention when you're talking, without formulating his response in his head. It can make a world of difference when he's fully engaged in the conversation.

Furthermore, consider setting boundaries and limits, especially when it comes to respecting each other's need for rest or personal space. If he's feeling unwell and genuinely needs to rest, maybe he could take a designated nap time when you can manage the toddler without interference.

Remember that no relationship is perfect, and it often takes time and patience to improve communication. It might be helpful to seek the assistance of a relationship counselor or therapist who can offer professional guidance and strategies to strengthen your connection.

Lastly, it's vital to practice self-care. You can't take care of your family if you're not taking care of yourself. So, don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it, whether it's from family or friends. Taking some time for yourself can help you recharge and approach these situations with a clearer mind.

In the end, communication is the key to resolving most relationship issues. While it may feel like an uphill battle right now, with some effort, understanding, and a willingness to work together, you and your partner can find a way to break this cycle and create a happier, more harmonious home environment. Remember, you're in this together, and a little patience can go a long way in finding solutions that work for both of you.

[Lmk75]

Thanks alot I feel even stupider for wasting time reading this ost. You are both retarded