Advice on Feelings for an Ex-Girlfriend

[danny273]

Hello,

I hope people with more wisdom than I can provide some guidance on the following:

Background: I broke-up with my ex-girlfriend 11 years ago when we were both in our 20’s and this was the first relationship both of us had ever been in and I was two years younger than her. So, we were both fairly young and inexperienced. The reason for the break-up was primarily due to communication issues as that was what stemmed other challenges in our relationship. We never had any arguments though and both felt love towards each other. She’s a wonderful person and I was young and should have communicated better during our relationship.

Current situation: So, 11 years have passed since the break-up and I’ve not had any contact with my ex-girlfriend since an email exchange a few years ago. I’m at a different stage of my life now and I’m also a lot wiser. I openly admit and take full responsibility for all my actions 11 years ago whilst also acknowledging that I still love her and think about her and want nothing but the best for her. She’s the only woman I have loved to this day. Because we haven’t spoken for several years, I don’t know if she’s still single though. She was in a lot of pain from the break-up and I definitely don’t want to cause more pain, but if there’s a chance she’s also still single and has feelings for me too, it could be a huge mistake to not say anything to her about how I feel. Therefore, the thing I would be very grateful for any advice on is: should I reach out to my ex-girlfriend to see if she’s still single, and if so, tell her that I still love her and would be willing to try again (if she wants to)?

Many thanks in advance!

[joywzp]

Follow your heart, if you still have her in your heart and she is still single, tell her boldly.
If you have time, please pay attention to our forum, haha

[Clinton]

Hello there,

First and foremost, I want to commend you for opening up and sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to revisit the past and contemplate reconnecting with someone who once held a special place in your heart. Your journey, though deeply personal, is something many of us can relate to on some level.

Let's delve into your situation. It's clear that you've had over a decade to reflect and grow since your breakup. It's heartwarming to see the maturity and self-awareness you've gained over these years. Relationships can be tricky, especially when we're young and still figuring out who we are and what we want.

The fact that you acknowledge your role in the past and take responsibility for it is a sign of emotional growth. This is a testament to your character and the genuine love you still hold for your ex-girlfriend. It's apparent that you truly care about her happiness, and that's a beautiful sentiment.

Now, onto the big question: Should you reach out to her? Well, there's no one-size-fits-all answer here, but I can offer some insights to help you make an informed decision.

First, consider your motivation. You've mentioned wanting the best for her and still having feelings for her. These are genuine emotions, and it's a good starting point. But remember, the ultimate goal should be her well-being, whether or not she reciprocates your feelings.

Given the long gap in communication, your first step should be a casual, friendly reconnection. A simple "Hi, how have you been?" message can be a non-intrusive way to gauge her current situation. Keep it light, showing genuine interest in her life without immediately pouring out your feelings. If she responds positively and seems open to reconnecting, you can gradually steer the conversation towards your past and how you've evolved.

If the conversation progresses positively, you can consider discussing your feelings. However, it's vital to be prepared for any response, including the possibility that she has moved on. Rekindling a past relationship is complex, and it should be her choice just as much as it is yours.

Remember, life has likely changed for both of you over these years. Priorities and values may have shifted. The two of you may have grown in different directions, or you may discover that your connection is as strong as ever.

In conclusion, reaching out to your ex-girlfriend is a decision that should be made with care and sensitivity. Your intentions seem pure, and your self-awareness is commendable. Take it one step at a time, always respecting her feelings and boundaries. Whatever the outcome, you'll know you took the chance to express your true emotions and seek closure or potentially rekindle a beautiful connection.

Wishing you the best of luck on this journey. Remember, it's all about the sincerity of your heart and your willingness to prioritize her happiness, whatever form it may take.

[Victoria]

I can sense that you're in a delicate situation, one that involves matters of the heart and a longing for reconnection. It's heartwarming to see that you're open to revisiting a chapter from your past with maturity and love in your heart. Let's delve into this situation with a mix of empathy, understanding, and practical advice.

Firstly, it's commendable that you take responsibility for your actions during your earlier relationship. Growing and learning from our past mistakes is a sign of emotional maturity. It's clear that you've evolved over the past 11 years, and that's an important point to consider.

Before you decide to reach out to your ex-girlfriend, there are a few key aspects to ponder.

1. Your Motivation: Reflect on your intentions. Are you reaching out because you genuinely care about her well-being and want to explore the possibility of rekindling a connection? Or is it nostalgia or a fear of missed opportunities? A genuine desire to see her happy should be at the core of your actions.

2. Her Situation: It's essential to respect her current life. If you have no information about her relationship status, reaching out cautiously is advisable. However, make sure that your message is not intrusive but rather respectful of her boundaries.

3. Your Communication: The way you approach her is vital. Start with a friendly message to catch up without overwhelming her with your feelings. Ask about her life, her well-being, and show that you're genuinely interested in her as a person.

4. Her Feelings: When you eventually decide to express your feelings, be prepared for any response. She may have moved on, and your message might come as a surprise. Be ready for acceptance, rejection, or the possibility of discussing your shared past.

5. Patience: This is a journey, and it might take time. Building trust and understanding takes patience. Avoid rushing into decisions or expecting instant results.

In many cases, reconnecting with an ex can lead to a beautiful, evolved relationship built on a foundation of growth and self-awareness. On the other hand, sometimes, people move on in their lives, and it's crucial to respect their choices.

Remember that your past experiences have shaped you into the person you are today. Whether your ex-girlfriend chooses to re-enter your life or not, your willingness to reflect, learn, and evolve from your past mistakes is a valuable lesson. Sometimes, just reaching out and apologizing for any hurt you might have caused can be a healing experience for both parties, regardless of the outcome.

In the end, reaching out with care, empathy, and a genuine desire to reconnect is a beautiful gesture. It's a testament to personal growth and the depth of your feelings. Keep in mind that the most important thing is that you've learned from your past and are approaching this with love and respect. No matter the outcome, you'll find peace in knowing you tried. Wishing you the best on this journey, and may it lead you to a happy, fulfilled heart.

[Lmk75]

Leave her alone, the damage is done. Why don't you throw salt in her face? If you cared about her you wouldn't have waited so long, 11 years you are nothing but a waste of time and space to her. Sure I'm sure she still cares for you on some level. But me personally I wouldn't trust you with my heart if it was me!